Exes and O's

"...I love to think of you near me, your arms encompassing me, my head buried in your shoulder, catching the rhythm of your breathing and living for a few exquisite moments as one being- I said I was dreaming, darling, but I am so delightfully intoxicated, relishing such heavenly moments with you that I wish it to go on forever." - Olive Lewis

It's not like I didn't want to see Reuben for a week but I had my hands full trying to hit every museum and pub in London with David. You don't want me anymore? David asked as he stroked himself next to me in bed. I hesitated, I have loved David for a long time but our relationship has definitely changed. Add to that the fact that miei uomini have forbidden him and I knew it was a bad idea. You know, you can go see your new boyfriend if you really want, he teased me, I know you have a wedding to plan and children to make. I looked up from my mobile text screen. He called me "my love", I stammered... and smiled. Yep, David said, you're smitten. Am not, I countered but giggled when he poked me in the ribs. So what?! It's just a pash! Deniiimmm!!
Slight diversion here: David and I hit the Tate Modern so he could see Rothko and I wandered aimlessly until I saw something that, well I guess you could say touched me. I would recognize Zoe Leonard's work anywhere. After all, she was the high school girlfriend of my ex-fiance, Eddy. I was a total asshole to her while engaged to Eddy and it was based on jealousy. Here I was a clumsy kiddo and she was this amazing artist. I just found it obnoxious, damn it! But, my dears, there she is- presented in the Tate despite my malignity. Bitch.
So I had a lovely time showing David around and texted with Becks (we'll get to that) in the pauses. David seemed sad here and expressed some regret at my being out of reach for him now. I didn't really know what to do with that.
After David left, I polished myself up and went down to a pub to play pool (British-style: yellow and red balls, downsized) and waited for Reuben. He was late so I played with the hustlers for a bit. I am really rusty but they took pity on me. I was wearing my "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt with pinstripe trousers and a black and white tie. One of them asked if I meant my top. I said, yes I love every one of them! That started a stir. Reuben arrived and all I could think about was snogging him. We left the pool table and sat in two wing-backed chairs. This is like the wedding photos of Posh and Becks, he said, and I'm positive the comparison is not lost on the people in this pub. I was like, okay, though I have never felt all that posh. Well maybe occasionally. We spoke of philosophy for a bit until the tiny bartender rang a giant bell to signal out time. I took him home with me that night and we shagged beautifully. Passionate but not alternative like with the Trio- kinda refreshing. I said, next time I come to your house. It's not good enough for you, he explained, you are used to nice things... you like nice things. I was sad he thought that but also touched by his wistful expression. He was really caring and thinking about my comfort. Awwww...
I did end up going to his place the next night (yesterday) by train. It was confusing for me but, other than losing my only credit/debit card on the journey, painless. Reuben's mates waited for me in a pub near the station and took me to him. Nice chaps. I tried to explain Hungarian name days on the ride but fear I failed. We chatted with his many flatmates awhile and then headed up for the serious stuff. His room is really nice so I don't know where his hesitation came from. Strange. As he pulled a condom from the drawer, I thought to myself that a lost credit card was a small price. We fell asleep with the lights on- Reuben said he was afraid if he reached over me to turn it off, I might attack him again. Poor guy.
I woke up a little after 7am and snuggled back into him but couldn't settle down for more sleep. I just can't get enough of this guy. We had sex and then he went to make us tea (if you are giggling, don't worry- so am I). We talked quite a while and I got to see photos of his family and adventures (worm sushi, anyone? Might complement the feijoa vodka I just had for the first time since the earthiness of the worms might offset the flowery feijoa.). We laid in a pile of limbs and chatted until I got all excited again. I spent a lovely time down between his legs and tried to explain kundalini as it relates to yoga and tantra. The boy is seriously hung so the talking was minimal. Hehe... He likes this kind of talk but my brain goes offline at his nearness or voice. We were definitely on the edge (I was shaking for goodness' sake!) but I said we would wait this time. He pulled me to him and I scooted away, sitting in a ball- legs crossed for good measure. He came to me slowly and kissed me gently a few times. Gattina... he coaxed. My legs turned into wet noodles and I sighed. He pulled me into a recline and returned the oral favour in spades. OMG!!!! I came like ten times and then he rested against my tumms. Would you like a shower? He asked. I want you, I replied. In addition or in place of? He asked. Addition, I said. He brought himself up onto me, ready at my request (YES!!!). Ladies and gentlemen, that was a brilliant morning of frolicking! The teasing had made me into a lake and I have mentioned the ummm... cazzo of my guy. It's like I am helpless and forget that I am an accomplished rizza cazzi. When we shag, we look into each other's eyes and it is too freakin' much like making love for my comfort! We showered together and he washed and dried me like the principessa I am. We got cappuccino and he dropped me home. He blew me a kiss as I walked off.
Matteo will not like this when he gets back on the 5th and, for that matter, I don't think Cri is too pleased either (we have been talking again- more ex behaviour). I don't know what to do with that stuff but am considering not seeing Reuben again for my own protection.
BTW, he really liked his story, "Just Another Perfect Day"
My credit card situation is a nightmare and I canceled my run with a nice Dutchman to deal with it. Grrr... ATM actually ate my other bankcard and the bloody wind blew away my fags. There is an angry explosion face on Skype that expresses this well. It's funny though- I am in trouble and penniless (other than the $ David graciously W.U.'ed me) and I don't flippin' care. They really should market afterglow...

Gattina Cattiva Shoots and Scores

"A letter does not blush."  -Cicero

Reuben and I had been text-flirting for days and I grew impatient.  Come here and see me, I said into the phone late one night.  I have a huge day at work tomorrow, he replied, and I need a shower and sleep.  You can shower and sleep here, I coaxed, I promise I won't rape you or anything but it would be nice to sleep next to each other.  Wouldn't it?  Do you nag all your boyfriends this way?  He has a low, shy laugh and it fires me up.  Ok, what's your address?  I almost died of shock.  YES!!!

He got here soon and I poured him a glass of wine while he showered.  I was quite nervous and it struck me as funny.  International playgirl, badass tough guy Gattina, quaking in her little stilettos.  We got comfortable on the couch and talked for a long time.  We talked about literature, family, pacifism, the pressure to do something amazing in life...

We moved to the bedroom and things got hot and heavy.  Folks, this boy has mad skills!  I'm not going to have sex with you tonight, he said.  -The record playing "Bolero" in my head scratches.-  Damn it!  I want you to remember me and want to see me again so I think it's best that I don't tonight, he explained.  I assure him I'm not going to forget him but he sticks to his word.  We fun anyway so there was no anger or stroppiness.  We slept comfortably together and woke up early.  He climbed onto me and started to touch me... and reached for a condom.  Score!  What changed your mind?  I asked.  I just realized it was important to you, he said.  Yeah, ok.  It was excellent sex in my favorite position and when we finished, his fingers were laced with mine.  I looked at our right hands and arms, stacked like a beautiful photo in a gallery and damn if I wasn't happy!  Uh-oh.  Gattina, you have a man.  Two as a matter of fact.  Other people are toys, other people are toys... but I'm not believing it.

I made coffee while Reuben showered and pulled out Ghalib.  I was really puzzled about Reuben changing his mind.  He came into the room while I was consulting the master and asked what I was doing.  I smiled.  

The master said: "Deceptively innocent, alert in rapture, I found the beauty daring me in her unmindfulness."  In this case, "unmindfulness" can mean "indifference" as well.  I laughed and showed Reuben, telling him my question.  The discussion in my version cautions that the lover is testing you and "setting a snare".  It really opened to that?  Reuben asked and seemed impressed.  We chatted over coffee about taking a picnic in the country and other perfect days that we could have.  It was difficult to let him leave since I knew I wouldn't see him for a while.  He went to Cornwall for the weekend and David (that's right- the ex that dumped me a year ago which touched off all this insanity) is coming here for a 5 day holiday.  

Matteo left for 2 weeks yesterday and I was really sad for me but happy he will get a break in warm weather.  As for Justin, I had dinner with him last night and I mentioned the book I am reading ("The Historian" by Kostova), and he said he hates to read.  I don't think I'll snog him again and shagging is certainly out!  Doesn't like to read?!  Madonna!   Plus, he's kind of a winger (that's with a soft "g", all you Americans).  Reuben asked me to write him a story and I e-mailed it off last night.  I'll let you know the reviews. ;)

H&H Cont...

It was the first sushi restaurant I had been to that had a dj!  Very trendy- almost like a club.  The girl was pretty and very sweet.  She was Brasilian and spoke almost no English but did speak Italian so I was back in at the deep end since I didn't practice much in the States.  We managed to communicate with a combo of French and Italian and at one point she was concerned that she liked me but I didn't like her.  Scusa, Bellissima.  Ho Stanka.  I explained.  You are tired?  I have something for you and she handed me a quarter of an ecstasy tablet.  As many of you know, I do this drug regularly and it takes a whole lot more than a quarter to get me high but I didn't want to be rude so popped it in my mouth and thanked her.  We headed back to Matteo's house while discussing the possibility that she and I become flatmates.  I like her alot more than any other putana I have ever met but...  we'll see.  I showed her some belly dance moves and we giggled together as I navigated her slim hips for her.  We did a little more straight MDMA and headed up to the bedroom.  We finished taking her clothes off and she wanted me to go down on her.  I politely declined and Matte went for a condom.  I looked at him confused and said, we don't use condoms.  I know, I am going to fuck her for awhile.  I figured it was ok since I had gotten to make mia bestia cum before we went out for dinner and I try not to be selfish with him.  She decided to go down on me while they had sex and then we switched it up.  I pulled the rubber off and rode my boy while kissing Janette.  He of course wanted me in culo.  So I bent over the bed.  I bit the duvet to keep from crying out with the pain.  Janette felt sorry for me and asked if I would like to snog.  I decided to go down on her lovely little pussy and when she came for me, I instantly relaxed which turned Matte on enough to, ummm, finish things that way.  I held Janette while we all smoked a spliff and waited for her taxi.  I like her.  She is a good girl with an openness that is shocking for someone of her age (32) and experience.  After she left, my wonderful octopus wrapped around me and we slept like children.

Matteo left for a ski trip the next day so I stayed in his home for the weekend without him.  I appreciated his generosity and trust but missed him very much.  I stayed in to sleep the next night and (Sue says this is not stupid but I dunno) the only way I could rest was curled around Matte's shirt from the day before.  He wears Victor and Rolf's "Antidote".  It has become a comforting smell to me.  Odd considering our history, no?

The next night, I decked myself out in full "chapette" style.  I wore a black button-down, belted dress and one of Matte's beautiful ties.  I also wore CriCri's watch.  He may choose not to be with us right now but he is still constantly a presence for us both.  I put on my soft driving gloves and grabbed an umbrella.  Smart, I thought while appraising myself in the mirror.

The evening was mad.  Aren't they all, my darlings?  I ended up dancing with a big group of kiwis who had been at it since 14:00!  Tables got knocked over, my umbrella got stolen, we did shots called "Cocksucking Cowboys", I snogged a guy that later told me he wants to have a family with me.  Whew.  His name is Justin and he's really a sweetie.  I felt the next day as though a large lorry had taken a few passes over my head and chest.  Ick.  I bought ingredients for dinner (red lentil and butternut squash curry) and felt better.  Matteo was only about half an hour late getting home (some kinda record) so we ate while he told me his stories from the weekend and they included drunken kung fu but I am telling my stories here not his. :)  My mobile was jingling every few minutes from the kiwis so I decided to go out for a bit.  First, and more importantly, I shagged my lover to exhaustion and left him smoking a spliff on the couch.  I headed to the Pitcher and Piano.  It was wall to wall in there and as soon as I got in the door, a guy took my cap.  Now that cap was my Daddy's before I was even born so that just would not do.  I took it back and got a drink.  I escaped to the back of the pub to await my new mates.  As I said, it was crowded so I asked two laid back looking guys if I could share their 4-topper.  Sure, one said in a kiwi accent.  Geez, I thought.  Has London been completely taken over by New Zealanders?  He was friggin' smokin' hot so I watched a little cricket with them and we all danced a bit.  My phone rang but my new friend, Reuben, asked me to just forget it and hang with them.  I am an outta sight outta mind kinda gal so that sounded fun.  Reuben and I drank tequila out of each other's navels in the VIP room while my phone continued to vibrate with messages that were becoming stroppy.  We two took off for the Havana Club.  I was wearing the white boots with steel peg heels that Janos got me in Munich and they are wicked sexy but the heels screw out so with long walks, it can get ugly.  I was trying to explain so Reuben turned me up against a post box and told me to spread 'em.  Have you been bad?  He asked.  Of course, I smiled.  How bad?  He was screwing in my heel for me and I couldn't help but get excited (tongue in cheek, of course:)).  The Havana Club was even more full of people so we got a drink and found an obliging window sill for my rear so we could snog without people tripping over us.  He's a really good kisser and way hot so it was fun but I knew I needed to get home to my beloved so we hopped a cab together.  I told him the truth about my situation so he sent me a text before sleep that says:  "Good night beautiful.  Nice to meet you.  Let me know when you want to give monogamy a try.  XX "  Sweet, right?  I haven't seen him since but I have seen Justin twice.  I really want to shag Reuben in my little flat as the first but we seem to be unable to get on the same schedule.  Should I hold out for him?  

So I asked the master, Ghalib, the other day how to choose the men I keep and the ones I cull (I mean honestly- I just have way too many at this point!).  He said this: "The preacher's boisterous reprimands threw salt on my wounds.  Would someone please ask him, 'What savour you got out of it?'"  Hmmm...

I will have dinner with my lovely Matteo tomorrow night.  I look forward to it.  In my thank you note I said:  "Aspetto senza il respiro per i baci de mia bestia."   

I meant every word.

Hookers and Hesitation

Ok, here we go again.  I landed at Gatwick, took my luggage to Lo Zio's for the porter to hold and tubed it to Canary Wharf to pick up Matteo's house keys.  I despise the escalators and had only gotten 2 hours sleep on the flight.  I got lost (of course) so called mia bestia to meet me near the tube.  Stroppy Gattina!  My mood melted into a warm fear and hope combo as he walked quickly across the square and kissed me.   We got an espresso and chatted about logistics.  I was nervous and tired but he made me smile.  I've got a surprise for you later, he said.  We'll be going out for sushi tonight and my friend, Janette, will be joining us.  

Sorry kids, gotta finish this post tomorrow and finish cooking dinner...