Discretion?!

'A scar is not always a flaw. Sometimes a scar may be redemption inscribed in the flesh, a memorial to something endured, to something lost.' - Dean Koontz

I am shagging Krishna again. He has asked that I not divulge all of the details to you or boast about how I talked him back into bed with me. Suffice it to say there was a gondola, a dog collar, and Klingon transportation to Zog involved. I would love to tell you all about it but the boy did give me an orgasm with his mouth that cracked my spine back into alignment. Seriously. That was only of about a hundred orgasms that night so I am going to do what he asks and shut it now. Gods, our chemistry could blow up buildings. Hehe, lucky us.
On to other news, I heard from Mia Bestia and we are looking at a possible Trio reunion with Cri in New York. I love them both so much that I am giddy at the thought! I have discovered that having two boyfriends is perfect for me. That way, I don't wear their patience so thin with all my demands and desires. The only problem with that is that I tend to be attracted to possessive men. I'll have to work on that.
I came across something I wrote to my lion in prison but never sent and thought you might enjoy a glimpse into Gattina's softer side:
'Look at me. I am looking at you. I see you in the glory of your unique weaknesses, not as the superhuman I expected, and I love you more for knowing you better. It's genuine, it's true.'

Dancing Queen

'She had inflicted on herself the worst boyfriends a woman could find...' (or something like that)

I am spending the eve in my underpants, dancing to Abba and cooking. Glorious! My brother's home can be cold, dark, and sterile but right now it is an oasis for me. I heard from Roo yesterday and Krishna today. Who next?! I suppose if one has this many exes, they will be omnipresent.
BH eventually came down from the roof the other night. Mental. I took a little trip to Zog last night and played x-box until quite late with him and he seems improved. Thank the gods.
I had the opportunity to tell the 'I pulled a hot South African and shagged him 7 times that night!' story whilst my brother whinged about having to sleep in a recliner that night. HAHA! Those were the days, eh? My angels, Graydog remains the best shag I have ever had. Wow. Someone should pin a medal on him. I would certainly prefer other shags (Roo, my lion, and Krishna for instance) but given a few more weeks of that... -sighs- I think I need a fag now, just from the memories!

Bestiality

'He fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love... a beast?'

Years ago, I kept a picture on my vanity of The Beast. It was to remind me of who I am inside, whilst I saw my pretty face in the mirror. After all these years, I see my deformities more clearly than ever. I also forgive them like I never could in my extreme youth. Parts of me are so ugly, I know they are unlovable... yet I love them without expecting anyone else to try that hard.
As I type this, BH is sleeping on the roof. Swear. He wandered past me, nude, and I followed. He had been doing the 'Why can't you just die and get away from me?' routine after we discussed his most recent heartbreak. It goes like that with him and since I have recognised it, I don't mind the hater attitude from him. I was frightened he would do something stupid and irreparable but he seems content to rest now I brought him some clothes. WTF?! Thing is, he knows Gattina will look after him and allow him to be that mad if it makes him okay later. I will check on him in a few.
I spent the last few days at my brother's and it is HOT and STICKY in this bloody horrid country when the air con is out! I have been confused and yet resolved recently. I wish for things that don't exist and deal with the issues in front of me. Speaking of, I should go up to the roof in a moment.
I cooked carnitas con aguacate for tea tonight and it was FANTASTIC! :) (If I do say so myself.)
My darling readers, I want to finish this post but have a responsibility to BH and must check on him. After all, I was once in love with him and I cannot throw him to the wolves of his madness. I will get back to the adventures in a day or two (BTW, I was proposed to again today. -chuckles- wait for it... ) xx

I May Crack but I'll Never Shatter

'...when you said we made such a pretty pair and that you'd never leave. But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.' - Carly Simon

I had some dreams... and I am getting back to them now. I am waiting still for my new passport but will bugger off from this place as soon as I can. I spent the night in the woods a couple nights ago. Fuck this place and fuck these blokes. I'll always adore them both but I think it's a little safer from afar. Let me back up here...
BH and I had been hanging out quite a bit and then he got a stomach flu. I went out for the evening to give him some sick space and when I returned and curled up on the sofa to pass out, I thought the evening was over. Get up! He yelled. Get your shit, you are going to Krishna's. I don't want to, I mumbled. Tough, he's not being a good daddy and helping me deal with you. Uh-oh, this is how the pill convo began in Cleveland. I decided best to just do what I'm told and get in the auto. I'm not going to Krishna's, I said, he's asked me to take charge and stay away from him since he is weak and won't stay away from me on his own. (Then he called me a sex goddess. Awwww... yeah!) Fine, I'll get you a hotel, BH said. Fuck me but I should have agreed to that! Nope, I said getting on the hump. Just fucking drop me anywhere. This is how I ended up wandering barefoot and barelegged in woods near Krishna's house.
BH then phoned Krishna to tell him I was in the woods. I had lay down in a glade with my rucksack for a cushion. It was nice except the non-stop ringing of my mobile. I finally answered when a tick burrowed into my leg! O ZOT! I love nature but not when it attacks me! Krishna was furious and demanded I walk to his place. I did. What followed was a colourful string of expletives, several shots of Jagermeister, and punishments. I had to drive the drug dealer back to his home, cook dinner, and remove most of my clothes. I went on the front porch to smoke a fag and Krishna appeared behind me.
I get a boner just being near you, he said. Then I was riding his cock on the porch with my nickers round his neck. Nifty.
We ended up shagging again later in the middle of our sleep and then I wandered back into the woods for a bit. Mistake. I fell over a fence and am now a colourful mass of bruises and abrasions. Ouch.
When Krishna dropped me the next morning, he reminded me that he had a date that night. Whatev, I said, I think I'll get laid tonight myself. He didn't like that. He phoned my brother and told him I am mental and need hospital time. Then he called me nothing more than a 'cum dump' to him. Charming. I've never actually found him repulsive before.
I spoke to my brother shortly after and he stated very clearly that I do not need psychiatric treatment, I just need to stay the hell away from someone who has so much contempt and anger for me. Refocus, he said. You're not going to stay in America for this guy are you? Fucking right I'm not. I have places to go and things to do, mates. I'll dally along until I go but trust me, my eye is back on that road. Can't wait to see some of you in Europe in the next weeks!

Joint Custody

'"I don't think we need to have an argument here," I told them. "We'll use both systems. At any particular time we'll use whichever one seems to be the more convenient.'" - Calculus the Easy Way

The day before BH and I were to leave for Cleveland, Krishna had wanted to see me but when he realised he would have to scoop me from my ex's flat again, he balked. I don't think it's cool for me to keep taking you from another dude's house, he started, if you want to see me you will go to your brother's. Alright kids, what's Gattina's stance on ultimatums?
I was hoping to see Krishna now that I am back -I am heartsick for the sight of the dawg- but he's playing cool. Play cool, babe, whatev. Anyway, the trip to Cleveland was as rock 'n roll as could be imagined. We stayed downtown and walked over to Lola, one of Iron Chef Michael Symon's restaurants. He happened to be there but I was too caught up with my beef cheek pierogi starter, lamb heart main, and Rustenburg John X Merriman 2006 Pinotage to say 'Hiya'. It's not like he cooked the food anyway so I thanked the kitchen staff at the end of the meal. They were great and I highly recommend Lola. The server gave us the lowdown on the 'Warehouse District' club scene so the next I knew, we were hoofing it over to the Velvet Dog where there is a rooftop dance floor. Awwww... yeah!
BH was getting feisty and almost got us into a pavement brawl with some American fratboys. Yipe, I said, and drew his attention to my attire. Micro-mini skirts and stilettos may be fine for fighting in video games but in real life, not good. We made it to the club and a couple shots later were dancing on the roof with an Italian/American hottie who unfortunately did not speak her ancestral tongue. She did however speak the universal girl language of 'hands down the front of my ex's trousers after ripping his shirt open'! Awesome! I was like- seal the deal!! BH is kind of shy though and was having a bit of a freakout so we taxied back to the hotel to have a rockstar fight. He decided I should od on sleeping pills (50 pills! He kept shouting- 50!) so I choked down 24 and then vomited by the side of the bed. He dragged me into the toilet to sick up more and then told me I couldn't even count for not taking all 50. I hit him with a lamp.
He ended up phoning Krishna to try and upset me more. Poor Krishna woke up to a voicemail that had him believing I was in hospital and needed him to come get me. Fuck. That sorted, BH and I spent the day wandering the city. We found a bookshop and a pub. That's how we roll. :) The pub had a mastiff so I sneaked a snog but later asked Krishna not to tell the boxer since splitting affections can get MESSY. -ahem- I believe BH and Krishna have decided to have a little chat this week but right now, it's time for me to shower and head over to Krishna's since he just invited me. Wish me 'In boca al lupo...' since I suck at juggling... :)