Dancing Queen

'She had inflicted on herself the worst boyfriends a woman could find...' (or something like that)

I am spending the eve in my underpants, dancing to Abba and cooking. Glorious! My brother's home can be cold, dark, and sterile but right now it is an oasis for me. I heard from Roo yesterday and Krishna today. Who next?! I suppose if one has this many exes, they will be omnipresent.
BH eventually came down from the roof the other night. Mental. I took a little trip to Zog last night and played x-box until quite late with him and he seems improved. Thank the gods.
I had the opportunity to tell the 'I pulled a hot South African and shagged him 7 times that night!' story whilst my brother whinged about having to sleep in a recliner that night. HAHA! Those were the days, eh? My angels, Graydog remains the best shag I have ever had. Wow. Someone should pin a medal on him. I would certainly prefer other shags (Roo, my lion, and Krishna for instance) but given a few more weeks of that... -sighs- I think I need a fag now, just from the memories!

Bestiality

'He fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love... a beast?'

Years ago, I kept a picture on my vanity of The Beast. It was to remind me of who I am inside, whilst I saw my pretty face in the mirror. After all these years, I see my deformities more clearly than ever. I also forgive them like I never could in my extreme youth. Parts of me are so ugly, I know they are unlovable... yet I love them without expecting anyone else to try that hard.
As I type this, BH is sleeping on the roof. Swear. He wandered past me, nude, and I followed. He had been doing the 'Why can't you just die and get away from me?' routine after we discussed his most recent heartbreak. It goes like that with him and since I have recognised it, I don't mind the hater attitude from him. I was frightened he would do something stupid and irreparable but he seems content to rest now I brought him some clothes. WTF?! Thing is, he knows Gattina will look after him and allow him to be that mad if it makes him okay later. I will check on him in a few.
I spent the last few days at my brother's and it is HOT and STICKY in this bloody horrid country when the air con is out! I have been confused and yet resolved recently. I wish for things that don't exist and deal with the issues in front of me. Speaking of, I should go up to the roof in a moment.
I cooked carnitas con aguacate for tea tonight and it was FANTASTIC! :) (If I do say so myself.)
My darling readers, I want to finish this post but have a responsibility to BH and must check on him. After all, I was once in love with him and I cannot throw him to the wolves of his madness. I will get back to the adventures in a day or two (BTW, I was proposed to again today. -chuckles- wait for it... ) xx

I May Crack but I'll Never Shatter

'...when you said we made such a pretty pair and that you'd never leave. But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.' - Carly Simon

I had some dreams... and I am getting back to them now. I am waiting still for my new passport but will bugger off from this place as soon as I can. I spent the night in the woods a couple nights ago. Fuck this place and fuck these blokes. I'll always adore them both but I think it's a little safer from afar. Let me back up here...
BH and I had been hanging out quite a bit and then he got a stomach flu. I went out for the evening to give him some sick space and when I returned and curled up on the sofa to pass out, I thought the evening was over. Get up! He yelled. Get your shit, you are going to Krishna's. I don't want to, I mumbled. Tough, he's not being a good daddy and helping me deal with you. Uh-oh, this is how the pill convo began in Cleveland. I decided best to just do what I'm told and get in the auto. I'm not going to Krishna's, I said, he's asked me to take charge and stay away from him since he is weak and won't stay away from me on his own. (Then he called me a sex goddess. Awwww... yeah!) Fine, I'll get you a hotel, BH said. Fuck me but I should have agreed to that! Nope, I said getting on the hump. Just fucking drop me anywhere. This is how I ended up wandering barefoot and barelegged in woods near Krishna's house.
BH then phoned Krishna to tell him I was in the woods. I had lay down in a glade with my rucksack for a cushion. It was nice except the non-stop ringing of my mobile. I finally answered when a tick burrowed into my leg! O ZOT! I love nature but not when it attacks me! Krishna was furious and demanded I walk to his place. I did. What followed was a colourful string of expletives, several shots of Jagermeister, and punishments. I had to drive the drug dealer back to his home, cook dinner, and remove most of my clothes. I went on the front porch to smoke a fag and Krishna appeared behind me.
I get a boner just being near you, he said. Then I was riding his cock on the porch with my nickers round his neck. Nifty.
We ended up shagging again later in the middle of our sleep and then I wandered back into the woods for a bit. Mistake. I fell over a fence and am now a colourful mass of bruises and abrasions. Ouch.
When Krishna dropped me the next morning, he reminded me that he had a date that night. Whatev, I said, I think I'll get laid tonight myself. He didn't like that. He phoned my brother and told him I am mental and need hospital time. Then he called me nothing more than a 'cum dump' to him. Charming. I've never actually found him repulsive before.
I spoke to my brother shortly after and he stated very clearly that I do not need psychiatric treatment, I just need to stay the hell away from someone who has so much contempt and anger for me. Refocus, he said. You're not going to stay in America for this guy are you? Fucking right I'm not. I have places to go and things to do, mates. I'll dally along until I go but trust me, my eye is back on that road. Can't wait to see some of you in Europe in the next weeks!

Joint Custody

'"I don't think we need to have an argument here," I told them. "We'll use both systems. At any particular time we'll use whichever one seems to be the more convenient.'" - Calculus the Easy Way

The day before BH and I were to leave for Cleveland, Krishna had wanted to see me but when he realised he would have to scoop me from my ex's flat again, he balked. I don't think it's cool for me to keep taking you from another dude's house, he started, if you want to see me you will go to your brother's. Alright kids, what's Gattina's stance on ultimatums?
I was hoping to see Krishna now that I am back -I am heartsick for the sight of the dawg- but he's playing cool. Play cool, babe, whatev. Anyway, the trip to Cleveland was as rock 'n roll as could be imagined. We stayed downtown and walked over to Lola, one of Iron Chef Michael Symon's restaurants. He happened to be there but I was too caught up with my beef cheek pierogi starter, lamb heart main, and Rustenburg John X Merriman 2006 Pinotage to say 'Hiya'. It's not like he cooked the food anyway so I thanked the kitchen staff at the end of the meal. They were great and I highly recommend Lola. The server gave us the lowdown on the 'Warehouse District' club scene so the next I knew, we were hoofing it over to the Velvet Dog where there is a rooftop dance floor. Awwww... yeah!
BH was getting feisty and almost got us into a pavement brawl with some American fratboys. Yipe, I said, and drew his attention to my attire. Micro-mini skirts and stilettos may be fine for fighting in video games but in real life, not good. We made it to the club and a couple shots later were dancing on the roof with an Italian/American hottie who unfortunately did not speak her ancestral tongue. She did however speak the universal girl language of 'hands down the front of my ex's trousers after ripping his shirt open'! Awesome! I was like- seal the deal!! BH is kind of shy though and was having a bit of a freakout so we taxied back to the hotel to have a rockstar fight. He decided I should od on sleeping pills (50 pills! He kept shouting- 50!) so I choked down 24 and then vomited by the side of the bed. He dragged me into the toilet to sick up more and then told me I couldn't even count for not taking all 50. I hit him with a lamp.
He ended up phoning Krishna to try and upset me more. Poor Krishna woke up to a voicemail that had him believing I was in hospital and needed him to come get me. Fuck. That sorted, BH and I spent the day wandering the city. We found a bookshop and a pub. That's how we roll. :) The pub had a mastiff so I sneaked a snog but later asked Krishna not to tell the boxer since splitting affections can get MESSY. -ahem- I believe BH and Krishna have decided to have a little chat this week but right now, it's time for me to shower and head over to Krishna's since he just invited me. Wish me 'In boca al lupo...' since I suck at juggling... :)

Gratitude

'The depth and the willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.' - Gordon T. Watts

It has been an interesting week and Gattina finds herself more full of gratitude than usual. This is a lovely thing. I have been very grateful for the support and validation I am getting as a writer and I never take my readers or my mentors for granted. Thanks guys! :) I also received an unexpected act of kindness from Krishna in the form of a rescue. Let me explain:
My ex, BH, decided quite suddenly that I am a bad person and ranted at me and unceremoniously dumped me off at my brother's. I was terribly upset and phoned Krishna. He picked me up and let me cry it out at his, cuddled up with the dawg. I fell asleep from crying with my ipod in my ears, my book open, and the dawg spooned into me. Krishna closed my book, charged my ipod, and woke me up a couple hours later with the gift of a little holiday on Zog. He was considerate and sweet. The next day, we sexed and snuggled and chatted. What will you blog about if we're getting along so well? He puzzled. Oh don't worry, there's still plenty of drama...
Before BH decided I was horrid (for putting the screws to someone in return for a favour- not the nicest thing I've ever done, I suppose), we spent a little holiday time on Zog ourselves. He decided he wanted me to punch him in the chest for a bit of a thrill. Are you sure? I was skeptical. I am petite but strong and martial arts trained. He has a well-developed upper body though soooo...
The verdict two days later was that I broke two of his ribs. Whoa!!!!! I was in shock! My superhero powers seem to be getting out of control so I am spending a few days being intellectual and focusing on my novel and upcoming road trip to Cleveland. I won the trip in a pool game last night. That and an iphone. I didn't win every match however so it looks like I am spending my evening in a stripjoint. Dio mio. I am getting too old for this stuff. Really? No. :)

Messy, Messy...

'In other words, nobody had the vaguest idea what would happen here, except that some people were going to get hurt...' -Hunter S. Thompson

Another day, another drama. So Krishna reached out to me, awkward with intimacy as ever, by letting me take the dawg for the day and night. When he came home the next morning, I was wrapped happily round the sleeping boxer and didn't mind at all when Krishna took his place. I could get you back in bed with me in a second, he said. Big fucking accomplishment, I thought, if you want to impress me, talk me into bed with someone I DON'T spend most of my time lusting after. So we shagged a couple of times. Oops. We snuggled after (the boy's got mad snuggle skills) and he rushed to say that this didn't change anything, we were still broken up. I tried to stifle a giggle. Do you think I would start seeing you again? I chortled. Men are like emotionally retarded chicks.

The next day he rang to make sure I understood that there would be no more of that nonsense- we are back to being MATES! Bene, grazie. This phone call came on the heels of my cousin telling me he believes I am a crack addicted prostitute and doesn't want me around his child. Cracking day. No pun intended.

So what now? Drugs? Sure. Sex? Oh, yeah. Writing? Constantly. The only query left is which continent to do it on. I am still definitely feeling Australia however, my ex is buying a big sailboat and has offered me a crew spot for as long as I like. Apparently circumnavigating the globe takes about 2 years. My cousin said I'd probably get into trouble out there and end up in a foreign prison. Like I haven't done that before! xxHMPxx :)

Honey, You Ain't the First

'And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.' - William Shakespeare

Commitment-phobe? Me?! Go on! Yes, I went into my relationship with Kirshna with the experiential knowledge that we had a finite time together as a couple. I know my patterns so well by now that I am even getting more efficient with the time frame. It used to take me 6 months to a year to go through a cycle that now takes roughly 2 months. Yay me.
Krishna is alot like me in that we reach a certain threshold of intimacy and then end it. We usually choose different ways to end it so I was curious to see which path would dominate. Mine by a landslide. Can I get like, a medal or summat? I am being flippant but it still hurts, you know. I like Krishna. I have liked him for years. However, the boy is hard work and as he belittled me and raised his hand to me yet again yesterday... and kept calling me by his ex-wife's name, I was aware that no amount of giving or passion or sweetness on my part would give us longevity. It was too little too late when he held me in his arms later and told me he's never liked anyone as much as he likes me. Apparently he wouldn't shout at me and treat me poorly if I wasn't so important. Gee thanks.
It's not been all bad though. I have enjoyed some good times with him and some wonderful sex and rare sweet moments when we could let ourselves be vulnerable at the same time. I think he will be a bit nasty through the breakup process but, darlings, I'm sure I've had worse. :) I do not know exactly what will happen next but I very much hope we stay mates. He's a kindred and we commitmentphobic whores have got to have each others' backs, innit. Well, time to go drown my sorrows in booze, Guns n Roses, and vampire fiction. Yummmm...