'The obligation to endure gives us the right to know.' - Jean Rostand
I continue to cohabit in MFH's house. I have been fantasising about stabbing myself since cutting no longer satisfies but I am also thinking on my future as an adult with him. I'm still off drugs and continue to write with the awesome support of my writing mentor. We are talking about starting a family. That is, MFH not my female writing mentor. :) He is ambiguous on the subject and I didn't understand until he said tonight that he hoped our children would inherit my father's genes rather than my mother's inferior ones.
Does this indicate that half of me is rotten?!
I agree that half of me is damaged by my mother but her parents were kind and good people. I learned what love and honour are through their gentle ministrations. If I could birth a boy with even half of my Grandfather's virtues, I would be in awe of my accomplishment. Truly.
I have always felt the need to pass on my father's advantages but have never felt hobbled or ashamed of my mother's disadvantages. They have each given me valuable gifts. Innit.
I appreciate my darkness as much as my light. I appreciate balance in the universe in general. It is good and necessary.
I do wish all of you a wonderful New Year and I'll attempt to be better with keeping you updated. Best wishes! May you all love and be loved. Auld lang syne.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Swine
'And the tree was happy... but not really.' - Shel Sivlerstein
I am living with MFH and it is, as you might have guessed, a fucking pain in the arse. For someone who has dreamt and wished for this all my life and most of his, he is being stupid. For every lie, for every ommission, for each word of praise for another girl, I tally a hatchmark for my turn. He says he will stay with me no matter. We'll see, eh?
Provoking Gattina can be perilous to one's health.
Forgive my brevity but I have broken my right hand in anger and the fury will not end soon.
In more positive news, I am writing children's stories that are up for publication. Children's stories. Heh. Who would have thought?
MFH ties me down when I am angry/drunk/unreasonable. He is stronger than me but does he have my depth of depravity? Doubtful. You all know where I have been and I am impervious. Isn't that why you love me, my darlings? ;)
I am living with MFH and it is, as you might have guessed, a fucking pain in the arse. For someone who has dreamt and wished for this all my life and most of his, he is being stupid. For every lie, for every ommission, for each word of praise for another girl, I tally a hatchmark for my turn. He says he will stay with me no matter. We'll see, eh?
Provoking Gattina can be perilous to one's health.
Forgive my brevity but I have broken my right hand in anger and the fury will not end soon.
In more positive news, I am writing children's stories that are up for publication. Children's stories. Heh. Who would have thought?
MFH ties me down when I am angry/drunk/unreasonable. He is stronger than me but does he have my depth of depravity? Doubtful. You all know where I have been and I am impervious. Isn't that why you love me, my darlings? ;)
Friday, December 4, 2009
Capturing a Feral
* I am not dead or in prison or in rehab, lovelies. I AM however moving in with MFH (I am already here but we are gathering my belongings tomorrow.) so busy, busy, busy. I will update in the next few days. Soz for the lapse and there is much to tell!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Puppies and Kiddos and Transvestites
'Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.' - Friedrich Nietzsche
I left you last with the description of my life as a tug-of-war rope and the harem I have collected. Hmmm...
MFH has been tolerating all with good grace but is now on the fast track to file for divorce. M's children are fantastic (and loved the story I wrote, yay!) so the threat was growing until this weekend when M treated me like an au pair with benefits and then had the gall to tell me he knew he was being a cock but he also knew I would take it for love of his kiddos and puppy. WTF?! Bastard! if I hadn't been in the middle of teaching his daughter to cook, I probably would have taken up a knife and gutted him with it. Innit.
Told him to take me home early the next morning and we agreed to take a couple days to cool down and then talk. I had been sort of a drunken ass the night before he was a cock to me so we agreed that we each had a bad day. I will try to be fair about it but Gattina has so many suitors who are nice to her... and a weakness for those who are not. Damn it. We'll see.
My brother's birthday bash was a fabulous time and the height was a lovely transvestite who sniffed out my ex's submissiveness and pulled him around by the hair and fondled his bits. Brilliant!
MFH is now ring shopping for me and choosing the appropriate drug to tranquilise me through the wedding. I have to be drugged enough not to run away but coherent enough to take vows. Sounds fun! As for drugs, I have been off them for weeks now. Just not in the mood. I haven't been smoking fags either. Don't worry, I am still drinking like a sailor and shagging like a minx so I am still me! Just me with her vices being rearranged!
I left you last with the description of my life as a tug-of-war rope and the harem I have collected. Hmmm...
MFH has been tolerating all with good grace but is now on the fast track to file for divorce. M's children are fantastic (and loved the story I wrote, yay!) so the threat was growing until this weekend when M treated me like an au pair with benefits and then had the gall to tell me he knew he was being a cock but he also knew I would take it for love of his kiddos and puppy. WTF?! Bastard! if I hadn't been in the middle of teaching his daughter to cook, I probably would have taken up a knife and gutted him with it. Innit.
Told him to take me home early the next morning and we agreed to take a couple days to cool down and then talk. I had been sort of a drunken ass the night before he was a cock to me so we agreed that we each had a bad day. I will try to be fair about it but Gattina has so many suitors who are nice to her... and a weakness for those who are not. Damn it. We'll see.
My brother's birthday bash was a fabulous time and the height was a lovely transvestite who sniffed out my ex's submissiveness and pulled him around by the hair and fondled his bits. Brilliant!
MFH is now ring shopping for me and choosing the appropriate drug to tranquilise me through the wedding. I have to be drugged enough not to run away but coherent enough to take vows. Sounds fun! As for drugs, I have been off them for weeks now. Just not in the mood. I haven't been smoking fags either. Don't worry, I am still drinking like a sailor and shagging like a minx so I am still me! Just me with her vices being rearranged!
Friday, November 6, 2009
But They Will Queue!
'Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.' - Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Well, well, well... our lovable little Gattina is playing hard to get AND being had by many, both at the same time. Let me explain:
My future husband is still married and divorce papers have yet to be filed by either him or his wife so I have time for, and the absolute right to, sport date. {I can see my darling Alex right now shaking his head and muttering 'Bloodsports!'. I love you, Alex! :)} I decided to continue internet dating and have met some good blokes. Nice people, good shags. I will keep most of them around as mates after I marry. There is no threat to MFH there. You like that? My Future Husband like Her Royal Highness? -sniggers- But I digress. There is one bloke that is a potential threat to him and it's making for some interesting competition. I would enjoy the tug-of-war match much more if I was not the rope! My brother finds it endlessly amusing (that and the fact that I have acquired a harem, he can't keep their names straight). I am reminded of an episode of 'Coupling' where Steve says of Jane's dates that you shouldn't learn their names, you'll only get attached. Ha!
I was out at a lovely restaurant where I know the chef/owner and, let's just call him M, knows the owner as well. We were introduced and he sat next to me and proceeded to entertain me with witty banter. MFH was due to meet me there but I couldn't seem to get a word in to tell M so! Well, MFH sat down next to us and we all had a rousing convo on travel, women, and pornography. Good times!
I saw M out a few nights later when I was accompanied by a harem boy. That is not the gentleman you were with a couple nights ago, he observed. I am aware of that, I quipped. He laughed and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few days later to invite him to the stripper's Halloween party afore mentioned. He came and it WAS a great party. But you can read that evening in the last post.
Back to present, MFH had to go to LA for work and M seized the opportunity to take me to his lake house for a few days. There I fell in love with his puppy and organised his fabulous kitchen. I cooked and cooked. One eve, he brought home blue marlin steaks and a pomegranate, presented them to me and said, make me something brilliant. I did! That reduction sauce was the best I have done in some time. Yay! He told me he is falling in love with me and I told him I am already promised to MFH. How does MFH feel about all this? Gnashing his teeth. Not only because of the potential threat M poses (he is the sort of man to play dirty to get what he wants and he certainly wants me) but also because he likes hanging out with M and now they are adversaries thanks to my overactive libido. Hey, I am climbing to my sexual peak here and it's all written on the package, sweetie! Sometimes I miss Matteo and Cri so much...
Ahem, M has three small children and a psychotic ex-wife. Anyone want to take odds on this one? I am meeting the children Sunday. He is furious that I won't spend ALL weekend with them but my brother's party is tonight and I want to see MFH as soon as he is back which is tomorrow. M will just have to get over it since Gattina does as she pleases. Gattina is spoiled but not rotten: I will be spending the rest of this avo finishing a story I promised to his eldest daughter. A Hungarian dragon story.
Ta for reading, darlings!
Well, well, well... our lovable little Gattina is playing hard to get AND being had by many, both at the same time. Let me explain:
My future husband is still married and divorce papers have yet to be filed by either him or his wife so I have time for, and the absolute right to, sport date. {I can see my darling Alex right now shaking his head and muttering 'Bloodsports!'. I love you, Alex! :)} I decided to continue internet dating and have met some good blokes. Nice people, good shags. I will keep most of them around as mates after I marry. There is no threat to MFH there. You like that? My Future Husband like Her Royal Highness? -sniggers- But I digress. There is one bloke that is a potential threat to him and it's making for some interesting competition. I would enjoy the tug-of-war match much more if I was not the rope! My brother finds it endlessly amusing (that and the fact that I have acquired a harem, he can't keep their names straight). I am reminded of an episode of 'Coupling' where Steve says of Jane's dates that you shouldn't learn their names, you'll only get attached. Ha!
I was out at a lovely restaurant where I know the chef/owner and, let's just call him M, knows the owner as well. We were introduced and he sat next to me and proceeded to entertain me with witty banter. MFH was due to meet me there but I couldn't seem to get a word in to tell M so! Well, MFH sat down next to us and we all had a rousing convo on travel, women, and pornography. Good times!
I saw M out a few nights later when I was accompanied by a harem boy. That is not the gentleman you were with a couple nights ago, he observed. I am aware of that, I quipped. He laughed and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few days later to invite him to the stripper's Halloween party afore mentioned. He came and it WAS a great party. But you can read that evening in the last post.
Back to present, MFH had to go to LA for work and M seized the opportunity to take me to his lake house for a few days. There I fell in love with his puppy and organised his fabulous kitchen. I cooked and cooked. One eve, he brought home blue marlin steaks and a pomegranate, presented them to me and said, make me something brilliant. I did! That reduction sauce was the best I have done in some time. Yay! He told me he is falling in love with me and I told him I am already promised to MFH. How does MFH feel about all this? Gnashing his teeth. Not only because of the potential threat M poses (he is the sort of man to play dirty to get what he wants and he certainly wants me) but also because he likes hanging out with M and now they are adversaries thanks to my overactive libido. Hey, I am climbing to my sexual peak here and it's all written on the package, sweetie! Sometimes I miss Matteo and Cri so much...
Ahem, M has three small children and a psychotic ex-wife. Anyone want to take odds on this one? I am meeting the children Sunday. He is furious that I won't spend ALL weekend with them but my brother's party is tonight and I want to see MFH as soon as he is back which is tomorrow. M will just have to get over it since Gattina does as she pleases. Gattina is spoiled but not rotten: I will be spending the rest of this avo finishing a story I promised to his eldest daughter. A Hungarian dragon story.
Ta for reading, darlings!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sugar and Spice
'She went her unremembering way, She went and left in me, The pang of all the partings gone, And partings yet to be.' - Francis Thompson
In my last post, I was all aflutter over my new beau. We are alike, he and I, in that we show an excellent face upon first meetings but have some ick underneath. Our second date, I took him to dinner and then back to mine where I must admit, I was hoping for another hot shag like the last time. No such luck, Gattina. He was too tired and so asked for a wee kip. I woke him an hour later and he went home to sleep. Okay. He said he was looking forward to the party Saturday so I set myself to prepare for that.
Friday night, my future husband came over and shagged the hell out of me while I acted creepy. That's one way to handle my moodiness! An excellent way.
My new beau phoned to ask if he might bring his flatmate to the party. An odd thing to do but I figured any male would try to wrangle an invite since basically every stripper in town would be there. After being an hour late to collect me, my date asked if the party was out of doors. I said it was but that it was at the gal's house. Good, he said, so we can go shag in there and rejoin the party. Cheeky bloody idiot! I had just met his mate and was a bit horrified at my beau's lack of respect. I proceeded to get of my face on whiskey and make a phonecall for a trip to Zog. Now he was horrified that I spoke so plainly in front of his mate. Why the hell did he bring that guy to begin with?! My mates think those two are lovers. Wow. Never a dull moment, my dears. Never.
I am horribly blocked in writing my novel at the moment and have managed to catch and incubate every American illness that has come through town recently. WTF? But I must not whinge. I am still having a marvelous time and can't bloody wait for Germany next month! I also have my brother's birthday celebration next week. We have planned it at the poof place of the moment. I understand the drag shows are quite something to see. I will tell you all about it, of course, and it is bound to be a memorable post! If I can get into this much trouble just sitting at home, I imagine it will be a veritable (or literal) orgy of a night!
In my last post, I was all aflutter over my new beau. We are alike, he and I, in that we show an excellent face upon first meetings but have some ick underneath. Our second date, I took him to dinner and then back to mine where I must admit, I was hoping for another hot shag like the last time. No such luck, Gattina. He was too tired and so asked for a wee kip. I woke him an hour later and he went home to sleep. Okay. He said he was looking forward to the party Saturday so I set myself to prepare for that.
Friday night, my future husband came over and shagged the hell out of me while I acted creepy. That's one way to handle my moodiness! An excellent way.
My new beau phoned to ask if he might bring his flatmate to the party. An odd thing to do but I figured any male would try to wrangle an invite since basically every stripper in town would be there. After being an hour late to collect me, my date asked if the party was out of doors. I said it was but that it was at the gal's house. Good, he said, so we can go shag in there and rejoin the party. Cheeky bloody idiot! I had just met his mate and was a bit horrified at my beau's lack of respect. I proceeded to get of my face on whiskey and make a phonecall for a trip to Zog. Now he was horrified that I spoke so plainly in front of his mate. Why the hell did he bring that guy to begin with?! My mates think those two are lovers. Wow. Never a dull moment, my dears. Never.
I am horribly blocked in writing my novel at the moment and have managed to catch and incubate every American illness that has come through town recently. WTF? But I must not whinge. I am still having a marvelous time and can't bloody wait for Germany next month! I also have my brother's birthday celebration next week. We have planned it at the poof place of the moment. I understand the drag shows are quite something to see. I will tell you all about it, of course, and it is bound to be a memorable post! If I can get into this much trouble just sitting at home, I imagine it will be a veritable (or literal) orgy of a night!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
No One Likes to Queue
'And while the law of competition may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it ensures the survival of the fittest in every department.' - Andrew Carnegie
I just adore my suitors! My cousin continues to press me and tempt me and logic me into commitment. He is married but separated. In my mind, until his divorce I am fair game sooooo...
I lost my bartender for refusing to get serious and decided to give internet dating services a go. I have been buried under e-mails and 'winks' ever since! Where in the devil have all these single men been hiding?! I had an absolutely lovely date on Sunday with a gorgeous guy who I really like. My brother says we two are a proper 'match'. How many other people have I met since high school Latin who say 'semper ubi sub ubi'? Yes, our Gattina is a sex kitten but at her core she is pretty geeky as well. So what makes a great date?
He was 15 minutes late because he couldn't resist buying a giant pumpkin at a roadside farm.
I mentioned on our walk that I hold hands with my brother often and my date took the cue and my hand.
He kissed me gently... and then not so gently...
He liked watching me cook and held my waist while I was at the stove.
He had seconds.
Together, we explained geeky Latin jokes to my brother.
He listened.
He talked.
We kissed.
I am seeing him again this evening and looking forward to it. I am also taking him to a Samhain party on Saturday. I am going as a zombie and he is going as my chew victim. Hehe. I am slated to meet a delectable doctor this weekend as well but have no idea where to fit him in! Ummm, so to speak...
I just adore my suitors! My cousin continues to press me and tempt me and logic me into commitment. He is married but separated. In my mind, until his divorce I am fair game sooooo...
I lost my bartender for refusing to get serious and decided to give internet dating services a go. I have been buried under e-mails and 'winks' ever since! Where in the devil have all these single men been hiding?! I had an absolutely lovely date on Sunday with a gorgeous guy who I really like. My brother says we two are a proper 'match'. How many other people have I met since high school Latin who say 'semper ubi sub ubi'? Yes, our Gattina is a sex kitten but at her core she is pretty geeky as well. So what makes a great date?
He was 15 minutes late because he couldn't resist buying a giant pumpkin at a roadside farm.
I mentioned on our walk that I hold hands with my brother often and my date took the cue and my hand.
He kissed me gently... and then not so gently...
He liked watching me cook and held my waist while I was at the stove.
He had seconds.
Together, we explained geeky Latin jokes to my brother.
He listened.
He talked.
We kissed.
I am seeing him again this evening and looking forward to it. I am also taking him to a Samhain party on Saturday. I am going as a zombie and he is going as my chew victim. Hehe. I am slated to meet a delectable doctor this weekend as well but have no idea where to fit him in! Ummm, so to speak...
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