Melbourne and Mates

"You'll arrive on the day knowing what the interviewer is looking for- and you'll be ready to deliver." Ros Jay

So it was my idea to have a wager with my flatmates for their holiday away snowboarding in the French Alps. However, the punishment for losing as well as the point system was established by Francis. My sister and my other flatmate were along for the ride. Francis admitted that Olivia and I would certainly win but also offered up the 'whoever loses has to run around in the union jack boxers (we had bought them on a random trip back from Gordon's where we had gone to formulate the alien language of planet Zog) outside in the bitter Londra winter night.' Oh yes, in nothing else.' We agreed on the terms and scoring system as the boys crossed over on the ferry. So scoring:
1 point for shagging someone you already know.
2 points for oral with anyone (known or random).
3 points for a full on shag with a random.

The wager was pretty fair considering they were in holiday party land and we were intending to sort out the flat and bake and such (even though we ARE way prettier than them). We decided after I had only earned 1 point halfway through (by shagging my Albanian boy) to knock it down in one night. Christmas Eve to be exact. We knew one of our favourite Fulham haunts would be crawling with colonials (too far for them to get home) and with the combo of cheesy music and our utterly outrageous dance techniques, we figured on pulling around 6-8. As it played out, we hung out with a really nice group of kiwis. They were a boy, his stunning sister (think Tess of the D'Urbervilles), and a girl they knew from school. Many men tried it on us but we were having so much fun in our own little alien dancing bubble, we couldn't be asked. We decided that we were duty bound not only by the wager but by the time and effort we had invested in our appealing presentation so skipped off to another club where the music would be less enticing for silly alien dance moves. At the new club, the men where trolling and we got kind of weird vibes so, sadly for our cause, decided not one was tolerable. That is until just before we left.
A clean cut and very fit boy walked up to me and stated that I was stunning. Having two Aussie flatmates at the moment I understood that he was from down under but sounded different from my Sydney boys. He's from Melbourne. Guess that settles that. I asked Olivia to dance with him for my final trek to the loo and when I came back, they were smiling and chatting at totally normal body distance. Weird (have I mentioned what a hottie my sis is?!) but also wicked cool. We said goodbye to him and he clenched my right leg between his thighs to lean in for a kiss. Fit, fit, fit. Hmmm...
So we exchanged numbers and we, due povere gattine made our way home. Our one fervent joint wish was for a kebab. No joy! We were gutted.. and a bit pissed so decided to raid the refrigerator. The contents were all mixed together so I will just give some examples:
Mozzarella Fresca
Garlic and Coriander Naan
Caviar
Gherkins
Vegemite
Cheddar
Soured Cream

Not so frightening as a grocery list but I am sure you can imagine the concoctions. We decided during our feast of sorts to shag the Aussie boy we'd met latest at the club. He at least seemed clean and well mannered and was going on holiday the next day. Better than having this pathetic one point, I shrugged. Olivia stuffed another frightening naan concoction in her face but managed to communicate her request that he bring mates and lots of 'em!
So we phoned What-His-Name over and he arrived, dissappointingly alone. We all got comfortable in the sitting room and my sis and I proceeded to speak in a combination of Alien and Italian. The boy seemed to have no sense of humour so mia bella sorella finally turned to me and said, 'Let's just get this over with.' That sent me into more giggles but we managed to mostly undress and climb onto him. She then said, 'So how are you doing?' to What's His Name and that set me off again! Hysterical! So we shagged him and I wish i could say it was good fun or at least inconsequential but he was using his hands in such a way that we were reminded of a robot perhaps scrubbing dishes! We turned to each other and laughed away! Oh dear, oh dear! He got into her for about a minute and then into me for about half a minute before coming. We were so relieved to have gotten our points, that we told him all about our wager and how we only pulled him to try to win. Yay, 6 points! We then buggered off to sleep in Francis' bed since he has a dvd and telly. The poor guy wandered a bit and then sorted himself a taxi. We laughed alot but have decided we soooo deserve better.
The real gutwrencher is that the boys were having fun in France but found 0 (that's correct, a big old goose egg) talent to play with. We were both like, we had a crap shag for nothing?! But you know, watching them run around in an unseasonable cold night in their Union Jacks made it all worth it! What a sight!!
When it comes to The House of Love and Peace physically, Olivia and I had changed everything around. We even had a very exciting evening of spy behaviour at Ikea for bits, bobs, and essentials. We can make ANY excursion fun! We worried the Boys would be angry at the intrusion but instead, they have become a little house proud- YAY!
So, Olivia and I have fooled about with Francis some more but he seems pretty solid in not wanting to shag flatmates. Fool. No worries since we've got alot of shit to think on these days.
Has everyone missed my beautiful Valentina as much as I have?! I spent all day with her and am sleeping over tonight. You might be asking, what are you doing typing with that stunning woman in bed? But trust me mates, she is OUT. We've had some nice times together today shopping, sunning, snogging, drinking, and just telling each other for remembrance how much we love/trust/want/and missed each other. Bellissima! Now that is enough make-up blogging I think and you know the sun is up and I will need some sleep so I can't share all the other naughty bits with you just now...