Balanced Duality

'The obligation to endure gives us the right to know.' - Jean Rostand

I continue to cohabit in MFH's house. I have been fantasising about stabbing myself since cutting no longer satisfies but I am also thinking on my future as an adult with him. I'm still off drugs and continue to write with the awesome support of my writing mentor. We are talking about starting a family. That is, MFH not my female writing mentor. :) He is ambiguous on the subject and I didn't understand until he said tonight that he hoped our children would inherit my father's genes rather than my mother's inferior ones.
Does this indicate that half of me is rotten?!
I agree that half of me is damaged by my mother but her parents were kind and good people. I learned what love and honour are through their gentle ministrations. If I could birth a boy with even half of my Grandfather's virtues, I would be in awe of my accomplishment. Truly.
I have always felt the need to pass on my father's advantages but have never felt hobbled or ashamed of my mother's disadvantages. They have each given me valuable gifts. Innit.
I appreciate my darkness as much as my light. I appreciate balance in the universe in general. It is good and necessary.
I do wish all of you a wonderful New Year and I'll attempt to be better with keeping you updated. Best wishes! May you all love and be loved. Auld lang syne.