'And the tree was happy... but not really.' - Shel Sivlerstein
I am living with MFH and it is, as you might have guessed, a fucking pain in the arse. For someone who has dreamt and wished for this all my life and most of his, he is being stupid. For every lie, for every ommission, for each word of praise for another girl, I tally a hatchmark for my turn. He says he will stay with me no matter. We'll see, eh?
Provoking Gattina can be perilous to one's health.
Forgive my brevity but I have broken my right hand in anger and the fury will not end soon.
In more positive news, I am writing children's stories that are up for publication. Children's stories. Heh. Who would have thought?
MFH ties me down when I am angry/drunk/unreasonable. He is stronger than me but does he have my depth of depravity? Doubtful. You all know where I have been and I am impervious. Isn't that why you love me, my darlings? ;)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Capturing a Feral
* I am not dead or in prison or in rehab, lovelies. I AM however moving in with MFH (I am already here but we are gathering my belongings tomorrow.) so busy, busy, busy. I will update in the next few days. Soz for the lapse and there is much to tell!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Puppies and Kiddos and Transvestites
'Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.' - Friedrich Nietzsche
I left you last with the description of my life as a tug-of-war rope and the harem I have collected. Hmmm...
MFH has been tolerating all with good grace but is now on the fast track to file for divorce. M's children are fantastic (and loved the story I wrote, yay!) so the threat was growing until this weekend when M treated me like an au pair with benefits and then had the gall to tell me he knew he was being a cock but he also knew I would take it for love of his kiddos and puppy. WTF?! Bastard! if I hadn't been in the middle of teaching his daughter to cook, I probably would have taken up a knife and gutted him with it. Innit.
Told him to take me home early the next morning and we agreed to take a couple days to cool down and then talk. I had been sort of a drunken ass the night before he was a cock to me so we agreed that we each had a bad day. I will try to be fair about it but Gattina has so many suitors who are nice to her... and a weakness for those who are not. Damn it. We'll see.
My brother's birthday bash was a fabulous time and the height was a lovely transvestite who sniffed out my ex's submissiveness and pulled him around by the hair and fondled his bits. Brilliant!
MFH is now ring shopping for me and choosing the appropriate drug to tranquilise me through the wedding. I have to be drugged enough not to run away but coherent enough to take vows. Sounds fun! As for drugs, I have been off them for weeks now. Just not in the mood. I haven't been smoking fags either. Don't worry, I am still drinking like a sailor and shagging like a minx so I am still me! Just me with her vices being rearranged!
I left you last with the description of my life as a tug-of-war rope and the harem I have collected. Hmmm...
MFH has been tolerating all with good grace but is now on the fast track to file for divorce. M's children are fantastic (and loved the story I wrote, yay!) so the threat was growing until this weekend when M treated me like an au pair with benefits and then had the gall to tell me he knew he was being a cock but he also knew I would take it for love of his kiddos and puppy. WTF?! Bastard! if I hadn't been in the middle of teaching his daughter to cook, I probably would have taken up a knife and gutted him with it. Innit.
Told him to take me home early the next morning and we agreed to take a couple days to cool down and then talk. I had been sort of a drunken ass the night before he was a cock to me so we agreed that we each had a bad day. I will try to be fair about it but Gattina has so many suitors who are nice to her... and a weakness for those who are not. Damn it. We'll see.
My brother's birthday bash was a fabulous time and the height was a lovely transvestite who sniffed out my ex's submissiveness and pulled him around by the hair and fondled his bits. Brilliant!
MFH is now ring shopping for me and choosing the appropriate drug to tranquilise me through the wedding. I have to be drugged enough not to run away but coherent enough to take vows. Sounds fun! As for drugs, I have been off them for weeks now. Just not in the mood. I haven't been smoking fags either. Don't worry, I am still drinking like a sailor and shagging like a minx so I am still me! Just me with her vices being rearranged!
Friday, November 6, 2009
But They Will Queue!
'Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.' - Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
Well, well, well... our lovable little Gattina is playing hard to get AND being had by many, both at the same time. Let me explain:
My future husband is still married and divorce papers have yet to be filed by either him or his wife so I have time for, and the absolute right to, sport date. {I can see my darling Alex right now shaking his head and muttering 'Bloodsports!'. I love you, Alex! :)} I decided to continue internet dating and have met some good blokes. Nice people, good shags. I will keep most of them around as mates after I marry. There is no threat to MFH there. You like that? My Future Husband like Her Royal Highness? -sniggers- But I digress. There is one bloke that is a potential threat to him and it's making for some interesting competition. I would enjoy the tug-of-war match much more if I was not the rope! My brother finds it endlessly amusing (that and the fact that I have acquired a harem, he can't keep their names straight). I am reminded of an episode of 'Coupling' where Steve says of Jane's dates that you shouldn't learn their names, you'll only get attached. Ha!
I was out at a lovely restaurant where I know the chef/owner and, let's just call him M, knows the owner as well. We were introduced and he sat next to me and proceeded to entertain me with witty banter. MFH was due to meet me there but I couldn't seem to get a word in to tell M so! Well, MFH sat down next to us and we all had a rousing convo on travel, women, and pornography. Good times!
I saw M out a few nights later when I was accompanied by a harem boy. That is not the gentleman you were with a couple nights ago, he observed. I am aware of that, I quipped. He laughed and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few days later to invite him to the stripper's Halloween party afore mentioned. He came and it WAS a great party. But you can read that evening in the last post.
Back to present, MFH had to go to LA for work and M seized the opportunity to take me to his lake house for a few days. There I fell in love with his puppy and organised his fabulous kitchen. I cooked and cooked. One eve, he brought home blue marlin steaks and a pomegranate, presented them to me and said, make me something brilliant. I did! That reduction sauce was the best I have done in some time. Yay! He told me he is falling in love with me and I told him I am already promised to MFH. How does MFH feel about all this? Gnashing his teeth. Not only because of the potential threat M poses (he is the sort of man to play dirty to get what he wants and he certainly wants me) but also because he likes hanging out with M and now they are adversaries thanks to my overactive libido. Hey, I am climbing to my sexual peak here and it's all written on the package, sweetie! Sometimes I miss Matteo and Cri so much...
Ahem, M has three small children and a psychotic ex-wife. Anyone want to take odds on this one? I am meeting the children Sunday. He is furious that I won't spend ALL weekend with them but my brother's party is tonight and I want to see MFH as soon as he is back which is tomorrow. M will just have to get over it since Gattina does as she pleases. Gattina is spoiled but not rotten: I will be spending the rest of this avo finishing a story I promised to his eldest daughter. A Hungarian dragon story.
Ta for reading, darlings!
Well, well, well... our lovable little Gattina is playing hard to get AND being had by many, both at the same time. Let me explain:
My future husband is still married and divorce papers have yet to be filed by either him or his wife so I have time for, and the absolute right to, sport date. {I can see my darling Alex right now shaking his head and muttering 'Bloodsports!'. I love you, Alex! :)} I decided to continue internet dating and have met some good blokes. Nice people, good shags. I will keep most of them around as mates after I marry. There is no threat to MFH there. You like that? My Future Husband like Her Royal Highness? -sniggers- But I digress. There is one bloke that is a potential threat to him and it's making for some interesting competition. I would enjoy the tug-of-war match much more if I was not the rope! My brother finds it endlessly amusing (that and the fact that I have acquired a harem, he can't keep their names straight). I am reminded of an episode of 'Coupling' where Steve says of Jane's dates that you shouldn't learn their names, you'll only get attached. Ha!
I was out at a lovely restaurant where I know the chef/owner and, let's just call him M, knows the owner as well. We were introduced and he sat next to me and proceeded to entertain me with witty banter. MFH was due to meet me there but I couldn't seem to get a word in to tell M so! Well, MFH sat down next to us and we all had a rousing convo on travel, women, and pornography. Good times!
I saw M out a few nights later when I was accompanied by a harem boy. That is not the gentleman you were with a couple nights ago, he observed. I am aware of that, I quipped. He laughed and we exchanged numbers. I texted him a few days later to invite him to the stripper's Halloween party afore mentioned. He came and it WAS a great party. But you can read that evening in the last post.
Back to present, MFH had to go to LA for work and M seized the opportunity to take me to his lake house for a few days. There I fell in love with his puppy and organised his fabulous kitchen. I cooked and cooked. One eve, he brought home blue marlin steaks and a pomegranate, presented them to me and said, make me something brilliant. I did! That reduction sauce was the best I have done in some time. Yay! He told me he is falling in love with me and I told him I am already promised to MFH. How does MFH feel about all this? Gnashing his teeth. Not only because of the potential threat M poses (he is the sort of man to play dirty to get what he wants and he certainly wants me) but also because he likes hanging out with M and now they are adversaries thanks to my overactive libido. Hey, I am climbing to my sexual peak here and it's all written on the package, sweetie! Sometimes I miss Matteo and Cri so much...
Ahem, M has three small children and a psychotic ex-wife. Anyone want to take odds on this one? I am meeting the children Sunday. He is furious that I won't spend ALL weekend with them but my brother's party is tonight and I want to see MFH as soon as he is back which is tomorrow. M will just have to get over it since Gattina does as she pleases. Gattina is spoiled but not rotten: I will be spending the rest of this avo finishing a story I promised to his eldest daughter. A Hungarian dragon story.
Ta for reading, darlings!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sugar and Spice
'She went her unremembering way, She went and left in me, The pang of all the partings gone, And partings yet to be.' - Francis Thompson
In my last post, I was all aflutter over my new beau. We are alike, he and I, in that we show an excellent face upon first meetings but have some ick underneath. Our second date, I took him to dinner and then back to mine where I must admit, I was hoping for another hot shag like the last time. No such luck, Gattina. He was too tired and so asked for a wee kip. I woke him an hour later and he went home to sleep. Okay. He said he was looking forward to the party Saturday so I set myself to prepare for that.
Friday night, my future husband came over and shagged the hell out of me while I acted creepy. That's one way to handle my moodiness! An excellent way.
My new beau phoned to ask if he might bring his flatmate to the party. An odd thing to do but I figured any male would try to wrangle an invite since basically every stripper in town would be there. After being an hour late to collect me, my date asked if the party was out of doors. I said it was but that it was at the gal's house. Good, he said, so we can go shag in there and rejoin the party. Cheeky bloody idiot! I had just met his mate and was a bit horrified at my beau's lack of respect. I proceeded to get of my face on whiskey and make a phonecall for a trip to Zog. Now he was horrified that I spoke so plainly in front of his mate. Why the hell did he bring that guy to begin with?! My mates think those two are lovers. Wow. Never a dull moment, my dears. Never.
I am horribly blocked in writing my novel at the moment and have managed to catch and incubate every American illness that has come through town recently. WTF? But I must not whinge. I am still having a marvelous time and can't bloody wait for Germany next month! I also have my brother's birthday celebration next week. We have planned it at the poof place of the moment. I understand the drag shows are quite something to see. I will tell you all about it, of course, and it is bound to be a memorable post! If I can get into this much trouble just sitting at home, I imagine it will be a veritable (or literal) orgy of a night!
In my last post, I was all aflutter over my new beau. We are alike, he and I, in that we show an excellent face upon first meetings but have some ick underneath. Our second date, I took him to dinner and then back to mine where I must admit, I was hoping for another hot shag like the last time. No such luck, Gattina. He was too tired and so asked for a wee kip. I woke him an hour later and he went home to sleep. Okay. He said he was looking forward to the party Saturday so I set myself to prepare for that.
Friday night, my future husband came over and shagged the hell out of me while I acted creepy. That's one way to handle my moodiness! An excellent way.
My new beau phoned to ask if he might bring his flatmate to the party. An odd thing to do but I figured any male would try to wrangle an invite since basically every stripper in town would be there. After being an hour late to collect me, my date asked if the party was out of doors. I said it was but that it was at the gal's house. Good, he said, so we can go shag in there and rejoin the party. Cheeky bloody idiot! I had just met his mate and was a bit horrified at my beau's lack of respect. I proceeded to get of my face on whiskey and make a phonecall for a trip to Zog. Now he was horrified that I spoke so plainly in front of his mate. Why the hell did he bring that guy to begin with?! My mates think those two are lovers. Wow. Never a dull moment, my dears. Never.
I am horribly blocked in writing my novel at the moment and have managed to catch and incubate every American illness that has come through town recently. WTF? But I must not whinge. I am still having a marvelous time and can't bloody wait for Germany next month! I also have my brother's birthday celebration next week. We have planned it at the poof place of the moment. I understand the drag shows are quite something to see. I will tell you all about it, of course, and it is bound to be a memorable post! If I can get into this much trouble just sitting at home, I imagine it will be a veritable (or literal) orgy of a night!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
No One Likes to Queue
'And while the law of competition may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it ensures the survival of the fittest in every department.' - Andrew Carnegie
I just adore my suitors! My cousin continues to press me and tempt me and logic me into commitment. He is married but separated. In my mind, until his divorce I am fair game sooooo...
I lost my bartender for refusing to get serious and decided to give internet dating services a go. I have been buried under e-mails and 'winks' ever since! Where in the devil have all these single men been hiding?! I had an absolutely lovely date on Sunday with a gorgeous guy who I really like. My brother says we two are a proper 'match'. How many other people have I met since high school Latin who say 'semper ubi sub ubi'? Yes, our Gattina is a sex kitten but at her core she is pretty geeky as well. So what makes a great date?
He was 15 minutes late because he couldn't resist buying a giant pumpkin at a roadside farm.
I mentioned on our walk that I hold hands with my brother often and my date took the cue and my hand.
He kissed me gently... and then not so gently...
He liked watching me cook and held my waist while I was at the stove.
He had seconds.
Together, we explained geeky Latin jokes to my brother.
He listened.
He talked.
We kissed.
I am seeing him again this evening and looking forward to it. I am also taking him to a Samhain party on Saturday. I am going as a zombie and he is going as my chew victim. Hehe. I am slated to meet a delectable doctor this weekend as well but have no idea where to fit him in! Ummm, so to speak...
I just adore my suitors! My cousin continues to press me and tempt me and logic me into commitment. He is married but separated. In my mind, until his divorce I am fair game sooooo...
I lost my bartender for refusing to get serious and decided to give internet dating services a go. I have been buried under e-mails and 'winks' ever since! Where in the devil have all these single men been hiding?! I had an absolutely lovely date on Sunday with a gorgeous guy who I really like. My brother says we two are a proper 'match'. How many other people have I met since high school Latin who say 'semper ubi sub ubi'? Yes, our Gattina is a sex kitten but at her core she is pretty geeky as well. So what makes a great date?
He was 15 minutes late because he couldn't resist buying a giant pumpkin at a roadside farm.
I mentioned on our walk that I hold hands with my brother often and my date took the cue and my hand.
He kissed me gently... and then not so gently...
He liked watching me cook and held my waist while I was at the stove.
He had seconds.
Together, we explained geeky Latin jokes to my brother.
He listened.
He talked.
We kissed.
I am seeing him again this evening and looking forward to it. I am also taking him to a Samhain party on Saturday. I am going as a zombie and he is going as my chew victim. Hehe. I am slated to meet a delectable doctor this weekend as well but have no idea where to fit him in! Ummm, so to speak...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Wild Cat
'We are like lutes once held by god. Being away from his warm body fully explains this constant yearning.' - Hafiz
Yes, I yearn. I yearn and hope and dream. I also live in the moment. I wager you've been wondering what I have been up to...
I acquired a new toy. A bartender. An Irish bartender. Tasty. Not my type at all but tasty none-the-less. He bit my face. Three times!!! I couldn't walk for days after our first shag. He is coated in tattoos and has both nipples pierced. He is rough and fun and sweet. The problem? A daughter. Gattina does not share her daddies. Full stop.
So what to do with that boy? Had a mate explain I don't want anything more than a shag. He didn't get it. I took him out to the car and shagged him in the backseat. Told him I don't even want to know his kiddo's name. Nowt to do with me. Innit.
After several more shots and some memory loss, I ended up at my mate's shagging her and her husband. And the body count rises...
So I have this, not so distant but not illegal either, cousin that has been trying to talk me into settling down with him and living happy ever after for basically my entire life. He has finally worn me down enough that I am wavering. He is tall, dark, handsome, brilliant, and willing to live overseas with me. I have given him some conditions to fulfill to earn my acceptance but in the interim, I am shagging him also. I am going to need a queue setup in the hall outside my bedroom soon! Hehe. Yay, me!
Yes, I yearn. I yearn and hope and dream. I also live in the moment. I wager you've been wondering what I have been up to...
I acquired a new toy. A bartender. An Irish bartender. Tasty. Not my type at all but tasty none-the-less. He bit my face. Three times!!! I couldn't walk for days after our first shag. He is coated in tattoos and has both nipples pierced. He is rough and fun and sweet. The problem? A daughter. Gattina does not share her daddies. Full stop.
So what to do with that boy? Had a mate explain I don't want anything more than a shag. He didn't get it. I took him out to the car and shagged him in the backseat. Told him I don't even want to know his kiddo's name. Nowt to do with me. Innit.
After several more shots and some memory loss, I ended up at my mate's shagging her and her husband. And the body count rises...
So I have this, not so distant but not illegal either, cousin that has been trying to talk me into settling down with him and living happy ever after for basically my entire life. He has finally worn me down enough that I am wavering. He is tall, dark, handsome, brilliant, and willing to live overseas with me. I have given him some conditions to fulfill to earn my acceptance but in the interim, I am shagging him also. I am going to need a queue setup in the hall outside my bedroom soon! Hehe. Yay, me!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Starts and Stops
'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway
Waiting can be so very uncomfortable. I am sick to death of the American passport office and am starting to think they are just taking the piss! Let me stop that wasted anger now. They don't care if I am angry.
I am running, writing, and watching the weather change. I read over e-mails from 2001 to present last night and felt very humbled by how much I have been loved and by so many! I then remembered Krishna telling me has never truly loved a woman (even his lovely wife of 9 years) and I stopped. Giving yourself to others without restraint is a choice. Sometimes we waste our efforts but if we really give, can we lose? I don't think so. This is a passage from 'Fear of Truth' written by a very talented poet named Kelli Factor Gibson. I am honoured to name her as a friend.
'Tell me what you want me to know.
Not what you think I want to hear.
It changes not, my love for you,
And I do love you, not just in words.
I love you with my heart, from a place no one has yet touched.
A place I keep, selfishly for you.
I love you with appreciation, kindness, caring, warmth, fondness, devotion, acceptance, loyalty, abandon, desire, friendship.
I love you with anger, hatred, loss, pain, longing, wanting, jealousy, obsession, fear, rebellion, regret, betrayal.
I love completely, wholly, possessively.
My love is neither good nor bad, for it encompasses all things.
As we accept other's and ourselves, good and bad, so too, should we accept love.'
When we give everything, that includes the ugly bits. It is too sad that people are so arrogant as to expect only our best sides, the ones that don't hurt and fight and cry. How did they become so entitled?! No one can meet such expectations and no one should have to. I ask you all to bring a bit of tolerance into your adventures. I will try to as well. I wouldn't want a 'perfect' lover and I wouldn't want to be one. Well, let me qualify... I would like to be a perfect lover but not a perfect person! Hehe. Innit. :)
Waiting can be so very uncomfortable. I am sick to death of the American passport office and am starting to think they are just taking the piss! Let me stop that wasted anger now. They don't care if I am angry.
I am running, writing, and watching the weather change. I read over e-mails from 2001 to present last night and felt very humbled by how much I have been loved and by so many! I then remembered Krishna telling me has never truly loved a woman (even his lovely wife of 9 years) and I stopped. Giving yourself to others without restraint is a choice. Sometimes we waste our efforts but if we really give, can we lose? I don't think so. This is a passage from 'Fear of Truth' written by a very talented poet named Kelli Factor Gibson. I am honoured to name her as a friend.
'Tell me what you want me to know.
Not what you think I want to hear.
It changes not, my love for you,
And I do love you, not just in words.
I love you with my heart, from a place no one has yet touched.
A place I keep, selfishly for you.
I love you with appreciation, kindness, caring, warmth, fondness, devotion, acceptance, loyalty, abandon, desire, friendship.
I love you with anger, hatred, loss, pain, longing, wanting, jealousy, obsession, fear, rebellion, regret, betrayal.
I love completely, wholly, possessively.
My love is neither good nor bad, for it encompasses all things.
As we accept other's and ourselves, good and bad, so too, should we accept love.'
When we give everything, that includes the ugly bits. It is too sad that people are so arrogant as to expect only our best sides, the ones that don't hurt and fight and cry. How did they become so entitled?! No one can meet such expectations and no one should have to. I ask you all to bring a bit of tolerance into your adventures. I will try to as well. I wouldn't want a 'perfect' lover and I wouldn't want to be one. Well, let me qualify... I would like to be a perfect lover but not a perfect person! Hehe. Innit. :)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Halcyon Youth
'The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular reason for being happy except that they are so.' - Dr. William Ralph Inge
I was asked years ago which character I would be in 'Sex in the City'. I would, of course, say Carrie since we are all always the star in our own minds. I also recall someone telling me that they would like to always be 35 years old since that is old enough for some knowledge but young enough to enjoy it. True that. I am 32 and am looking forward to being 35. I went out last night with a group of people from our local paper and one of the girls cried for an hour or so because she is still single at 30. How silly.
I love my life and I love being me. I have wonderful friends from all over this world and so many adventures awaiting me. I am sad sometimes. Devastated even. Shit happens, innit. I am also ecstatic sometimes. I have gone through a heap of good and bad times to be where I am.
I celebrated Mabon yesterday in Wiccan style. I am not a witch but am a pagan and I embrace that with all my other aspects. I am a writer. I am a lover. I am a person, a person with an identity. Gattina cattiva. I am so lucky. May I never forget it!
Life is a gorgeous bounty of adventures. Embrace them fearlessly, my darlings, as I embrace you and ask for your acceptance of me.
So now what? More fun, more tears, more love, and more fears. :)
I was asked years ago which character I would be in 'Sex in the City'. I would, of course, say Carrie since we are all always the star in our own minds. I also recall someone telling me that they would like to always be 35 years old since that is old enough for some knowledge but young enough to enjoy it. True that. I am 32 and am looking forward to being 35. I went out last night with a group of people from our local paper and one of the girls cried for an hour or so because she is still single at 30. How silly.
I love my life and I love being me. I have wonderful friends from all over this world and so many adventures awaiting me. I am sad sometimes. Devastated even. Shit happens, innit. I am also ecstatic sometimes. I have gone through a heap of good and bad times to be where I am.
I celebrated Mabon yesterday in Wiccan style. I am not a witch but am a pagan and I embrace that with all my other aspects. I am a writer. I am a lover. I am a person, a person with an identity. Gattina cattiva. I am so lucky. May I never forget it!
Life is a gorgeous bounty of adventures. Embrace them fearlessly, my darlings, as I embrace you and ask for your acceptance of me.
So now what? More fun, more tears, more love, and more fears. :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Non Dimentico
'So everything lets us down, including curiosity and honesty and what we love best. Yes, said the voice, but cheer up, it's fun in the end.' - Roberto Bolaño
On the night my Lion and I announced our engagement to marry to our families, we celebrated in an Irish pub in Tenerife with my dear Alex. Alex told the live band (a lovely Irish couple) and they played 'You Look Wonderful Tonight' for us. We danced alone on the floor while the crowd wished us well. I bought the band's cd and am listening to it now. I miss my Lion. I miss my Alex.
I received my THIRD rejected passport application yesterday and could tear my hair in fury. I hate this country. I also received notice that I will be charged for the medics that examined me after Krishna's temper tantrum. Fantastic.
I have not spoken with Krishna. I have been spending my time with mates and running and cooking and writing and healing. I did have a pretty fantastic date last week that you might like to hear about though. :)
I was invited for an orgy of lobster and thought I could use the cathartic experience of murdering something for the pleasure of eating it dipped in clarified butter. The lobsters were massive! Mine went without fuss into the pot but my date's threw his claws out in protest. He seemed to be saying 'Hold on! Wait! We can talk about this!' No such luck, mate. We boiled the lobsters only until the meat set then cut them in half and put them on the bbq with applewood chips to finish cooking them. I could have an orgasm just from the memory of that meal! My date and I intended a film after but as he said before attacking me, 'That would be nice but I'm fucking horny and you're fucking hot!' Next I knew, I was being had on the countertop with half my clothes still on! We did manage to bump my nose once but other than that bit of unwelcome pain, good times. Oh yes. Good times!
I miss Krishna but, you know, I just wanted a brute of a man to help me remember and experience my femininity. I had that with him and I feel womanly again. Cheers, mate.
Some of my prison mates seem to be having a hard go right now and my heart reaches to them. I have not forgotten them or the experience and I never will. I am getting my first tattoo this week. The Union Jack with my prison number worked in. xxxHMPxxx
On the night my Lion and I announced our engagement to marry to our families, we celebrated in an Irish pub in Tenerife with my dear Alex. Alex told the live band (a lovely Irish couple) and they played 'You Look Wonderful Tonight' for us. We danced alone on the floor while the crowd wished us well. I bought the band's cd and am listening to it now. I miss my Lion. I miss my Alex.
I received my THIRD rejected passport application yesterday and could tear my hair in fury. I hate this country. I also received notice that I will be charged for the medics that examined me after Krishna's temper tantrum. Fantastic.
I have not spoken with Krishna. I have been spending my time with mates and running and cooking and writing and healing. I did have a pretty fantastic date last week that you might like to hear about though. :)
I was invited for an orgy of lobster and thought I could use the cathartic experience of murdering something for the pleasure of eating it dipped in clarified butter. The lobsters were massive! Mine went without fuss into the pot but my date's threw his claws out in protest. He seemed to be saying 'Hold on! Wait! We can talk about this!' No such luck, mate. We boiled the lobsters only until the meat set then cut them in half and put them on the bbq with applewood chips to finish cooking them. I could have an orgasm just from the memory of that meal! My date and I intended a film after but as he said before attacking me, 'That would be nice but I'm fucking horny and you're fucking hot!' Next I knew, I was being had on the countertop with half my clothes still on! We did manage to bump my nose once but other than that bit of unwelcome pain, good times. Oh yes. Good times!
I miss Krishna but, you know, I just wanted a brute of a man to help me remember and experience my femininity. I had that with him and I feel womanly again. Cheers, mate.
Some of my prison mates seem to be having a hard go right now and my heart reaches to them. I have not forgotten them or the experience and I never will. I am getting my first tattoo this week. The Union Jack with my prison number worked in. xxxHMPxxx
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The Freedom of Choice
Gattina just saw that Krishna 'unfriended' her for like the third time this summer and is fed up. If he wants to be rude and unfriendly, he will find her spite matches his scorn pace for pace. (Don't you just love going to the dark side when ...some arsehole REALLY deserves it?) -sighs- I really do prefer love over war but, either way, I guess all's fair. I can always adapt to either since neither has rules!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Well, Fuck
'You're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said--
Then you say--go slow-- I fall behind-- the second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time' - Cyndi Lauper
Huh. I don't even know what to say which is odd for a chatterbox like me. I spent another lovely evening with Krishna and was utterly happy wedged between him and the dawg in bed. He sang me to sleep and we twined our fingers on the puppy after another brilliant shag. When we woke, he was humpy and I should have probably skipped the lake party with him. I am well aware of his propensity to pull away after intimacy. At the party, he treated me like a stranger and I did my best to 'be cool' but it wasn't easy. Eventually, the dawg and I went for a drive to get fags and I thought we would just come in and crash or go home. Krishna asked me to 'entertain' his friends by dancing for them. He left me alone with them whilst I muddled through the best I could. I was far too vulnerable at that point (especially not knowing Krishna's stance on 'us') but I would do just about anything for him so... feeling exploited and unhappy, I sat on the sofa next to my lover. He said he wanted to go up and boast to his mates on how cool I am and I stayed downstairs to wait him. One of his mates came down and tried to talk me into mutual masturbation. When I declined, he proceeded alone. Great. Where the fuck was Krishna? He got me into this and left me vulnerable. I eventually found him sleeping on an upstairs sofa and told him his mate was inappropriate. He accused me of lying. Wow. I begged him to come sleep with me on the floor but he refused. We argued and I ended up with a nose full of coffee table. Kids, I have only had a broken nose once before and I was younger. The sad thing is that my heart hurts heaps more than my face. Heaps.
Then you say--go slow-- I fall behind-- the second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time' - Cyndi Lauper
Huh. I don't even know what to say which is odd for a chatterbox like me. I spent another lovely evening with Krishna and was utterly happy wedged between him and the dawg in bed. He sang me to sleep and we twined our fingers on the puppy after another brilliant shag. When we woke, he was humpy and I should have probably skipped the lake party with him. I am well aware of his propensity to pull away after intimacy. At the party, he treated me like a stranger and I did my best to 'be cool' but it wasn't easy. Eventually, the dawg and I went for a drive to get fags and I thought we would just come in and crash or go home. Krishna asked me to 'entertain' his friends by dancing for them. He left me alone with them whilst I muddled through the best I could. I was far too vulnerable at that point (especially not knowing Krishna's stance on 'us') but I would do just about anything for him so... feeling exploited and unhappy, I sat on the sofa next to my lover. He said he wanted to go up and boast to his mates on how cool I am and I stayed downstairs to wait him. One of his mates came down and tried to talk me into mutual masturbation. When I declined, he proceeded alone. Great. Where the fuck was Krishna? He got me into this and left me vulnerable. I eventually found him sleeping on an upstairs sofa and told him his mate was inappropriate. He accused me of lying. Wow. I begged him to come sleep with me on the floor but he refused. We argued and I ended up with a nose full of coffee table. Kids, I have only had a broken nose once before and I was younger. The sad thing is that my heart hurts heaps more than my face. Heaps.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Discretion?!
'A scar is not always a flaw. Sometimes a scar may be redemption inscribed in the flesh, a memorial to something endured, to something lost.' - Dean Koontz
I am shagging Krishna again. He has asked that I not divulge all of the details to you or boast about how I talked him back into bed with me. Suffice it to say there was a gondola, a dog collar, and Klingon transportation to Zog involved. I would love to tell you all about it but the boy did give me an orgasm with his mouth that cracked my spine back into alignment. Seriously. That was only of about a hundred orgasms that night so I am going to do what he asks and shut it now. Gods, our chemistry could blow up buildings. Hehe, lucky us.
On to other news, I heard from Mia Bestia and we are looking at a possible Trio reunion with Cri in New York. I love them both so much that I am giddy at the thought! I have discovered that having two boyfriends is perfect for me. That way, I don't wear their patience so thin with all my demands and desires. The only problem with that is that I tend to be attracted to possessive men. I'll have to work on that.
I came across something I wrote to my lion in prison but never sent and thought you might enjoy a glimpse into Gattina's softer side:
'Look at me. I am looking at you. I see you in the glory of your unique weaknesses, not as the superhuman I expected, and I love you more for knowing you better. It's genuine, it's true.'
I am shagging Krishna again. He has asked that I not divulge all of the details to you or boast about how I talked him back into bed with me. Suffice it to say there was a gondola, a dog collar, and Klingon transportation to Zog involved. I would love to tell you all about it but the boy did give me an orgasm with his mouth that cracked my spine back into alignment. Seriously. That was only of about a hundred orgasms that night so I am going to do what he asks and shut it now. Gods, our chemistry could blow up buildings. Hehe, lucky us.
On to other news, I heard from Mia Bestia and we are looking at a possible Trio reunion with Cri in New York. I love them both so much that I am giddy at the thought! I have discovered that having two boyfriends is perfect for me. That way, I don't wear their patience so thin with all my demands and desires. The only problem with that is that I tend to be attracted to possessive men. I'll have to work on that.
I came across something I wrote to my lion in prison but never sent and thought you might enjoy a glimpse into Gattina's softer side:
'Look at me. I am looking at you. I see you in the glory of your unique weaknesses, not as the superhuman I expected, and I love you more for knowing you better. It's genuine, it's true.'
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Dancing Queen
'She had inflicted on herself the worst boyfriends a woman could find...' (or something like that)
I am spending the eve in my underpants, dancing to Abba and cooking. Glorious! My brother's home can be cold, dark, and sterile but right now it is an oasis for me. I heard from Roo yesterday and Krishna today. Who next?! I suppose if one has this many exes, they will be omnipresent.
BH eventually came down from the roof the other night. Mental. I took a little trip to Zog last night and played x-box until quite late with him and he seems improved. Thank the gods.
I had the opportunity to tell the 'I pulled a hot South African and shagged him 7 times that night!' story whilst my brother whinged about having to sleep in a recliner that night. HAHA! Those were the days, eh? My angels, Graydog remains the best shag I have ever had. Wow. Someone should pin a medal on him. I would certainly prefer other shags (Roo, my lion, and Krishna for instance) but given a few more weeks of that... -sighs- I think I need a fag now, just from the memories!
I am spending the eve in my underpants, dancing to Abba and cooking. Glorious! My brother's home can be cold, dark, and sterile but right now it is an oasis for me. I heard from Roo yesterday and Krishna today. Who next?! I suppose if one has this many exes, they will be omnipresent.
BH eventually came down from the roof the other night. Mental. I took a little trip to Zog last night and played x-box until quite late with him and he seems improved. Thank the gods.
I had the opportunity to tell the 'I pulled a hot South African and shagged him 7 times that night!' story whilst my brother whinged about having to sleep in a recliner that night. HAHA! Those were the days, eh? My angels, Graydog remains the best shag I have ever had. Wow. Someone should pin a medal on him. I would certainly prefer other shags (Roo, my lion, and Krishna for instance) but given a few more weeks of that... -sighs- I think I need a fag now, just from the memories!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Bestiality
'He fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love... a beast?'
Years ago, I kept a picture on my vanity of The Beast. It was to remind me of who I am inside, whilst I saw my pretty face in the mirror. After all these years, I see my deformities more clearly than ever. I also forgive them like I never could in my extreme youth. Parts of me are so ugly, I know they are unlovable... yet I love them without expecting anyone else to try that hard.
As I type this, BH is sleeping on the roof. Swear. He wandered past me, nude, and I followed. He had been doing the 'Why can't you just die and get away from me?' routine after we discussed his most recent heartbreak. It goes like that with him and since I have recognised it, I don't mind the hater attitude from him. I was frightened he would do something stupid and irreparable but he seems content to rest now I brought him some clothes. WTF?! Thing is, he knows Gattina will look after him and allow him to be that mad if it makes him okay later. I will check on him in a few.
I spent the last few days at my brother's and it is HOT and STICKY in this bloody horrid country when the air con is out! I have been confused and yet resolved recently. I wish for things that don't exist and deal with the issues in front of me. Speaking of, I should go up to the roof in a moment.
I cooked carnitas con aguacate for tea tonight and it was FANTASTIC! :) (If I do say so myself.)
My darling readers, I want to finish this post but have a responsibility to BH and must check on him. After all, I was once in love with him and I cannot throw him to the wolves of his madness. I will get back to the adventures in a day or two (BTW, I was proposed to again today. -chuckles- wait for it... ) xx
Years ago, I kept a picture on my vanity of The Beast. It was to remind me of who I am inside, whilst I saw my pretty face in the mirror. After all these years, I see my deformities more clearly than ever. I also forgive them like I never could in my extreme youth. Parts of me are so ugly, I know they are unlovable... yet I love them without expecting anyone else to try that hard.
As I type this, BH is sleeping on the roof. Swear. He wandered past me, nude, and I followed. He had been doing the 'Why can't you just die and get away from me?' routine after we discussed his most recent heartbreak. It goes like that with him and since I have recognised it, I don't mind the hater attitude from him. I was frightened he would do something stupid and irreparable but he seems content to rest now I brought him some clothes. WTF?! Thing is, he knows Gattina will look after him and allow him to be that mad if it makes him okay later. I will check on him in a few.
I spent the last few days at my brother's and it is HOT and STICKY in this bloody horrid country when the air con is out! I have been confused and yet resolved recently. I wish for things that don't exist and deal with the issues in front of me. Speaking of, I should go up to the roof in a moment.
I cooked carnitas con aguacate for tea tonight and it was FANTASTIC! :) (If I do say so myself.)
My darling readers, I want to finish this post but have a responsibility to BH and must check on him. After all, I was once in love with him and I cannot throw him to the wolves of his madness. I will get back to the adventures in a day or two (BTW, I was proposed to again today. -chuckles- wait for it... ) xx
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I May Crack but I'll Never Shatter
'...when you said we made such a pretty pair and that you'd never leave. But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.' - Carly Simon
I had some dreams... and I am getting back to them now. I am waiting still for my new passport but will bugger off from this place as soon as I can. I spent the night in the woods a couple nights ago. Fuck this place and fuck these blokes. I'll always adore them both but I think it's a little safer from afar. Let me back up here...
BH and I had been hanging out quite a bit and then he got a stomach flu. I went out for the evening to give him some sick space and when I returned and curled up on the sofa to pass out, I thought the evening was over. Get up! He yelled. Get your shit, you are going to Krishna's. I don't want to, I mumbled. Tough, he's not being a good daddy and helping me deal with you. Uh-oh, this is how the pill convo began in Cleveland. I decided best to just do what I'm told and get in the auto. I'm not going to Krishna's, I said, he's asked me to take charge and stay away from him since he is weak and won't stay away from me on his own. (Then he called me a sex goddess. Awwww... yeah!) Fine, I'll get you a hotel, BH said. Fuck me but I should have agreed to that! Nope, I said getting on the hump. Just fucking drop me anywhere. This is how I ended up wandering barefoot and barelegged in woods near Krishna's house.
BH then phoned Krishna to tell him I was in the woods. I had lay down in a glade with my rucksack for a cushion. It was nice except the non-stop ringing of my mobile. I finally answered when a tick burrowed into my leg! O ZOT! I love nature but not when it attacks me! Krishna was furious and demanded I walk to his place. I did. What followed was a colourful string of expletives, several shots of Jagermeister, and punishments. I had to drive the drug dealer back to his home, cook dinner, and remove most of my clothes. I went on the front porch to smoke a fag and Krishna appeared behind me.
I get a boner just being near you, he said. Then I was riding his cock on the porch with my nickers round his neck. Nifty.
We ended up shagging again later in the middle of our sleep and then I wandered back into the woods for a bit. Mistake. I fell over a fence and am now a colourful mass of bruises and abrasions. Ouch.
When Krishna dropped me the next morning, he reminded me that he had a date that night. Whatev, I said, I think I'll get laid tonight myself. He didn't like that. He phoned my brother and told him I am mental and need hospital time. Then he called me nothing more than a 'cum dump' to him. Charming. I've never actually found him repulsive before.
I spoke to my brother shortly after and he stated very clearly that I do not need psychiatric treatment, I just need to stay the hell away from someone who has so much contempt and anger for me. Refocus, he said. You're not going to stay in America for this guy are you? Fucking right I'm not. I have places to go and things to do, mates. I'll dally along until I go but trust me, my eye is back on that road. Can't wait to see some of you in Europe in the next weeks!
I had some dreams... and I am getting back to them now. I am waiting still for my new passport but will bugger off from this place as soon as I can. I spent the night in the woods a couple nights ago. Fuck this place and fuck these blokes. I'll always adore them both but I think it's a little safer from afar. Let me back up here...
BH and I had been hanging out quite a bit and then he got a stomach flu. I went out for the evening to give him some sick space and when I returned and curled up on the sofa to pass out, I thought the evening was over. Get up! He yelled. Get your shit, you are going to Krishna's. I don't want to, I mumbled. Tough, he's not being a good daddy and helping me deal with you. Uh-oh, this is how the pill convo began in Cleveland. I decided best to just do what I'm told and get in the auto. I'm not going to Krishna's, I said, he's asked me to take charge and stay away from him since he is weak and won't stay away from me on his own. (Then he called me a sex goddess. Awwww... yeah!) Fine, I'll get you a hotel, BH said. Fuck me but I should have agreed to that! Nope, I said getting on the hump. Just fucking drop me anywhere. This is how I ended up wandering barefoot and barelegged in woods near Krishna's house.
BH then phoned Krishna to tell him I was in the woods. I had lay down in a glade with my rucksack for a cushion. It was nice except the non-stop ringing of my mobile. I finally answered when a tick burrowed into my leg! O ZOT! I love nature but not when it attacks me! Krishna was furious and demanded I walk to his place. I did. What followed was a colourful string of expletives, several shots of Jagermeister, and punishments. I had to drive the drug dealer back to his home, cook dinner, and remove most of my clothes. I went on the front porch to smoke a fag and Krishna appeared behind me.
I get a boner just being near you, he said. Then I was riding his cock on the porch with my nickers round his neck. Nifty.
We ended up shagging again later in the middle of our sleep and then I wandered back into the woods for a bit. Mistake. I fell over a fence and am now a colourful mass of bruises and abrasions. Ouch.
When Krishna dropped me the next morning, he reminded me that he had a date that night. Whatev, I said, I think I'll get laid tonight myself. He didn't like that. He phoned my brother and told him I am mental and need hospital time. Then he called me nothing more than a 'cum dump' to him. Charming. I've never actually found him repulsive before.
I spoke to my brother shortly after and he stated very clearly that I do not need psychiatric treatment, I just need to stay the hell away from someone who has so much contempt and anger for me. Refocus, he said. You're not going to stay in America for this guy are you? Fucking right I'm not. I have places to go and things to do, mates. I'll dally along until I go but trust me, my eye is back on that road. Can't wait to see some of you in Europe in the next weeks!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Joint Custody
'"I don't think we need to have an argument here," I told them. "We'll use both systems. At any particular time we'll use whichever one seems to be the more convenient.'" - Calculus the Easy Way
The day before BH and I were to leave for Cleveland, Krishna had wanted to see me but when he realised he would have to scoop me from my ex's flat again, he balked. I don't think it's cool for me to keep taking you from another dude's house, he started, if you want to see me you will go to your brother's. Alright kids, what's Gattina's stance on ultimatums?
I was hoping to see Krishna now that I am back -I am heartsick for the sight of the dawg- but he's playing cool. Play cool, babe, whatev. Anyway, the trip to Cleveland was as rock 'n roll as could be imagined. We stayed downtown and walked over to Lola, one of Iron Chef Michael Symon's restaurants. He happened to be there but I was too caught up with my beef cheek pierogi starter, lamb heart main, and Rustenburg John X Merriman 2006 Pinotage to say 'Hiya'. It's not like he cooked the food anyway so I thanked the kitchen staff at the end of the meal. They were great and I highly recommend Lola. The server gave us the lowdown on the 'Warehouse District' club scene so the next I knew, we were hoofing it over to the Velvet Dog where there is a rooftop dance floor. Awwww... yeah!
BH was getting feisty and almost got us into a pavement brawl with some American fratboys. Yipe, I said, and drew his attention to my attire. Micro-mini skirts and stilettos may be fine for fighting in video games but in real life, not good. We made it to the club and a couple shots later were dancing on the roof with an Italian/American hottie who unfortunately did not speak her ancestral tongue. She did however speak the universal girl language of 'hands down the front of my ex's trousers after ripping his shirt open'! Awesome! I was like- seal the deal!! BH is kind of shy though and was having a bit of a freakout so we taxied back to the hotel to have a rockstar fight. He decided I should od on sleeping pills (50 pills! He kept shouting- 50!) so I choked down 24 and then vomited by the side of the bed. He dragged me into the toilet to sick up more and then told me I couldn't even count for not taking all 50. I hit him with a lamp.
He ended up phoning Krishna to try and upset me more. Poor Krishna woke up to a voicemail that had him believing I was in hospital and needed him to come get me. Fuck. That sorted, BH and I spent the day wandering the city. We found a bookshop and a pub. That's how we roll. :) The pub had a mastiff so I sneaked a snog but later asked Krishna not to tell the boxer since splitting affections can get MESSY. -ahem- I believe BH and Krishna have decided to have a little chat this week but right now, it's time for me to shower and head over to Krishna's since he just invited me. Wish me 'In boca al lupo...' since I suck at juggling... :)
The day before BH and I were to leave for Cleveland, Krishna had wanted to see me but when he realised he would have to scoop me from my ex's flat again, he balked. I don't think it's cool for me to keep taking you from another dude's house, he started, if you want to see me you will go to your brother's. Alright kids, what's Gattina's stance on ultimatums?
I was hoping to see Krishna now that I am back -I am heartsick for the sight of the dawg- but he's playing cool. Play cool, babe, whatev. Anyway, the trip to Cleveland was as rock 'n roll as could be imagined. We stayed downtown and walked over to Lola, one of Iron Chef Michael Symon's restaurants. He happened to be there but I was too caught up with my beef cheek pierogi starter, lamb heart main, and Rustenburg John X Merriman 2006 Pinotage to say 'Hiya'. It's not like he cooked the food anyway so I thanked the kitchen staff at the end of the meal. They were great and I highly recommend Lola. The server gave us the lowdown on the 'Warehouse District' club scene so the next I knew, we were hoofing it over to the Velvet Dog where there is a rooftop dance floor. Awwww... yeah!
BH was getting feisty and almost got us into a pavement brawl with some American fratboys. Yipe, I said, and drew his attention to my attire. Micro-mini skirts and stilettos may be fine for fighting in video games but in real life, not good. We made it to the club and a couple shots later were dancing on the roof with an Italian/American hottie who unfortunately did not speak her ancestral tongue. She did however speak the universal girl language of 'hands down the front of my ex's trousers after ripping his shirt open'! Awesome! I was like- seal the deal!! BH is kind of shy though and was having a bit of a freakout so we taxied back to the hotel to have a rockstar fight. He decided I should od on sleeping pills (50 pills! He kept shouting- 50!) so I choked down 24 and then vomited by the side of the bed. He dragged me into the toilet to sick up more and then told me I couldn't even count for not taking all 50. I hit him with a lamp.
He ended up phoning Krishna to try and upset me more. Poor Krishna woke up to a voicemail that had him believing I was in hospital and needed him to come get me. Fuck. That sorted, BH and I spent the day wandering the city. We found a bookshop and a pub. That's how we roll. :) The pub had a mastiff so I sneaked a snog but later asked Krishna not to tell the boxer since splitting affections can get MESSY. -ahem- I believe BH and Krishna have decided to have a little chat this week but right now, it's time for me to shower and head over to Krishna's since he just invited me. Wish me 'In boca al lupo...' since I suck at juggling... :)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Gratitude
'The depth and the willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.' - Gordon T. Watts
It has been an interesting week and Gattina finds herself more full of gratitude than usual. This is a lovely thing. I have been very grateful for the support and validation I am getting as a writer and I never take my readers or my mentors for granted. Thanks guys! :) I also received an unexpected act of kindness from Krishna in the form of a rescue. Let me explain:
My ex, BH, decided quite suddenly that I am a bad person and ranted at me and unceremoniously dumped me off at my brother's. I was terribly upset and phoned Krishna. He picked me up and let me cry it out at his, cuddled up with the dawg. I fell asleep from crying with my ipod in my ears, my book open, and the dawg spooned into me. Krishna closed my book, charged my ipod, and woke me up a couple hours later with the gift of a little holiday on Zog. He was considerate and sweet. The next day, we sexed and snuggled and chatted. What will you blog about if we're getting along so well? He puzzled. Oh don't worry, there's still plenty of drama...
Before BH decided I was horrid (for putting the screws to someone in return for a favour- not the nicest thing I've ever done, I suppose), we spent a little holiday time on Zog ourselves. He decided he wanted me to punch him in the chest for a bit of a thrill. Are you sure? I was skeptical. I am petite but strong and martial arts trained. He has a well-developed upper body though soooo...
The verdict two days later was that I broke two of his ribs. Whoa!!!!! I was in shock! My superhero powers seem to be getting out of control so I am spending a few days being intellectual and focusing on my novel and upcoming road trip to Cleveland. I won the trip in a pool game last night. That and an iphone. I didn't win every match however so it looks like I am spending my evening in a stripjoint. Dio mio. I am getting too old for this stuff. Really? No. :)
It has been an interesting week and Gattina finds herself more full of gratitude than usual. This is a lovely thing. I have been very grateful for the support and validation I am getting as a writer and I never take my readers or my mentors for granted. Thanks guys! :) I also received an unexpected act of kindness from Krishna in the form of a rescue. Let me explain:
My ex, BH, decided quite suddenly that I am a bad person and ranted at me and unceremoniously dumped me off at my brother's. I was terribly upset and phoned Krishna. He picked me up and let me cry it out at his, cuddled up with the dawg. I fell asleep from crying with my ipod in my ears, my book open, and the dawg spooned into me. Krishna closed my book, charged my ipod, and woke me up a couple hours later with the gift of a little holiday on Zog. He was considerate and sweet. The next day, we sexed and snuggled and chatted. What will you blog about if we're getting along so well? He puzzled. Oh don't worry, there's still plenty of drama...
Before BH decided I was horrid (for putting the screws to someone in return for a favour- not the nicest thing I've ever done, I suppose), we spent a little holiday time on Zog ourselves. He decided he wanted me to punch him in the chest for a bit of a thrill. Are you sure? I was skeptical. I am petite but strong and martial arts trained. He has a well-developed upper body though soooo...
The verdict two days later was that I broke two of his ribs. Whoa!!!!! I was in shock! My superhero powers seem to be getting out of control so I am spending a few days being intellectual and focusing on my novel and upcoming road trip to Cleveland. I won the trip in a pool game last night. That and an iphone. I didn't win every match however so it looks like I am spending my evening in a stripjoint. Dio mio. I am getting too old for this stuff. Really? No. :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Messy, Messy...
'In other words, nobody had the vaguest idea what would happen here, except that some people were going to get hurt...' -Hunter S. Thompson
Another day, another drama. So Krishna reached out to me, awkward with intimacy as ever, by letting me take the dawg for the day and night. When he came home the next morning, I was wrapped happily round the sleeping boxer and didn't mind at all when Krishna took his place. I could get you back in bed with me in a second, he said. Big fucking accomplishment, I thought, if you want to impress me, talk me into bed with someone I DON'T spend most of my time lusting after. So we shagged a couple of times. Oops. We snuggled after (the boy's got mad snuggle skills) and he rushed to say that this didn't change anything, we were still broken up. I tried to stifle a giggle. Do you think I would start seeing you again? I chortled. Men are like emotionally retarded chicks.
The next day he rang to make sure I understood that there would be no more of that nonsense- we are back to being MATES! Bene, grazie. This phone call came on the heels of my cousin telling me he believes I am a crack addicted prostitute and doesn't want me around his child. Cracking day. No pun intended.
So what now? Drugs? Sure. Sex? Oh, yeah. Writing? Constantly. The only query left is which continent to do it on. I am still definitely feeling Australia however, my ex is buying a big sailboat and has offered me a crew spot for as long as I like. Apparently circumnavigating the globe takes about 2 years. My cousin said I'd probably get into trouble out there and end up in a foreign prison. Like I haven't done that before! xxHMPxx :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Honey, You Ain't the First
'And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.' - William Shakespeare
Commitment-phobe? Me?! Go on! Yes, I went into my relationship with Kirshna with the experiential knowledge that we had a finite time together as a couple. I know my patterns so well by now that I am even getting more efficient with the time frame. It used to take me 6 months to a year to go through a cycle that now takes roughly 2 months. Yay me.
Krishna is alot like me in that we reach a certain threshold of intimacy and then end it. We usually choose different ways to end it so I was curious to see which path would dominate. Mine by a landslide. Can I get like, a medal or summat? I am being flippant but it still hurts, you know. I like Krishna. I have liked him for years. However, the boy is hard work and as he belittled me and raised his hand to me yet again yesterday... and kept calling me by his ex-wife's name, I was aware that no amount of giving or passion or sweetness on my part would give us longevity. It was too little too late when he held me in his arms later and told me he's never liked anyone as much as he likes me. Apparently he wouldn't shout at me and treat me poorly if I wasn't so important. Gee thanks.
It's not been all bad though. I have enjoyed some good times with him and some wonderful sex and rare sweet moments when we could let ourselves be vulnerable at the same time. I think he will be a bit nasty through the breakup process but, darlings, I'm sure I've had worse. :) I do not know exactly what will happen next but I very much hope we stay mates. He's a kindred and we commitmentphobic whores have got to have each others' backs, innit. Well, time to go drown my sorrows in booze, Guns n Roses, and vampire fiction. Yummmm...
Commitment-phobe? Me?! Go on! Yes, I went into my relationship with Kirshna with the experiential knowledge that we had a finite time together as a couple. I know my patterns so well by now that I am even getting more efficient with the time frame. It used to take me 6 months to a year to go through a cycle that now takes roughly 2 months. Yay me.
Krishna is alot like me in that we reach a certain threshold of intimacy and then end it. We usually choose different ways to end it so I was curious to see which path would dominate. Mine by a landslide. Can I get like, a medal or summat? I am being flippant but it still hurts, you know. I like Krishna. I have liked him for years. However, the boy is hard work and as he belittled me and raised his hand to me yet again yesterday... and kept calling me by his ex-wife's name, I was aware that no amount of giving or passion or sweetness on my part would give us longevity. It was too little too late when he held me in his arms later and told me he's never liked anyone as much as he likes me. Apparently he wouldn't shout at me and treat me poorly if I wasn't so important. Gee thanks.
It's not been all bad though. I have enjoyed some good times with him and some wonderful sex and rare sweet moments when we could let ourselves be vulnerable at the same time. I think he will be a bit nasty through the breakup process but, darlings, I'm sure I've had worse. :) I do not know exactly what will happen next but I very much hope we stay mates. He's a kindred and we commitmentphobic whores have got to have each others' backs, innit. Well, time to go drown my sorrows in booze, Guns n Roses, and vampire fiction. Yummmm...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Americana
'If you are what you eat, I'm fast, easy, and cheap.' - Anonymous
The Fourth of July weekend was a lovely experience. Krishna's old college roommate came out from Colorado with his wife and what followed was a family picnic, competetive baci (yes, they won with the tricky Falling Waters and Falling Into the Waters techniques), and a sunset lake ride to fireworks. Romantic and perfect.
After the Fourth, Krishna and I Zogged for a couple days, we ravished my girl mate, Becks, he threw me into a door in temper when I was creepy drunk, we live together, he throws me out, we live together, he throws me out, my relationship with the dawg has progressed exponentially, Michael Jackson had a funeral, and now I am running away to write for a few days.
Everyone says that all the red flags in this relationship spell trouble and ask 'If it wasn't HIM, would you tolerate this?' But, babes... it IS him and I have wanted that man for my own for years and now that I've got him, I want to keep him a while. Sue me.
Now, I'm off to hide from my bully boyfriend and ride out the after effects of the pill I took last night and try not to take the easy road of escaping to LA for a party weekend with Boris. I'll do my best...
The Fourth of July weekend was a lovely experience. Krishna's old college roommate came out from Colorado with his wife and what followed was a family picnic, competetive baci (yes, they won with the tricky Falling Waters and Falling Into the Waters techniques), and a sunset lake ride to fireworks. Romantic and perfect.
After the Fourth, Krishna and I Zogged for a couple days, we ravished my girl mate, Becks, he threw me into a door in temper when I was creepy drunk, we live together, he throws me out, we live together, he throws me out, my relationship with the dawg has progressed exponentially, Michael Jackson had a funeral, and now I am running away to write for a few days.
Everyone says that all the red flags in this relationship spell trouble and ask 'If it wasn't HIM, would you tolerate this?' But, babes... it IS him and I have wanted that man for my own for years and now that I've got him, I want to keep him a while. Sue me.
Now, I'm off to hide from my bully boyfriend and ride out the after effects of the pill I took last night and try not to take the easy road of escaping to LA for a party weekend with Boris. I'll do my best...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Daddy's Little Girl
'"I know it will be very hard for you,' Sonia has repeated, 'but I hate pretending, I prefer to tell you the truth.'" - Julio Cortazar
Fuck's sake, Krishna said. You're actually the stable one in this relationship. Yep, we're fucked. The last week has continued on the roller coaster and I guess that's just how we roll. Yes, I am officially Krishna's 'girlfriend' and if you read up on your Indian myths, it'll be a mission. After my last post, he ignored me for a couple of days and then showed up at mine with the dawg for backup. Now, he wants me to make it very clear to everyone that all he had to do was WAVE and I capitulated but to be fair to me, I was still mostly asleep! Grrr... And anyway, I admit I'm a sucker for a bad boy and he's about as bad as they come. The thing is, he never ends up paying consequences for his actions because he has roughly 18,735 ex-girlfriends that will get him out of trouble, me to take care of his needs and desires, and his mum to pick up the slack. The man is spoiled rotten to his sweet nougaty centre and apparently I am suffering from pica since I eat it up until I'm sick. It's funny or tragic to those who know me well but I can say I've probably never been such a good, understanding girlfriend. Being with Cri and Matte was similarly exhausting but I didn't get the harsh attitude from them. Oh well, my dears, we'll just have to see how tough our little Gattina is, innit.
I'm going on and on about the hardcore (yes we are still high or fighting a large portion of our time) but there is some normalcy. I accompanied Krishna to his 20 year class reunion which was a very good time (I was told several times that he had shagged every girl in the room in high school and I just grinned- that's my boy. He may be a slut, but he's my slut. Lucky he feels the same about me! Only Matte could compare to this boys numbers. Dio mio. ) and we just got back from a romantic comedy at the cinema. We cuddled and snuggled and he teased me. It was nice. As a matter of fact, I think he's still out on the sofa and I could use some 'Who's your daddy?' playtime so I'm going to have to love you and leave you for now but I'll be back. I always come back.
Fuck's sake, Krishna said. You're actually the stable one in this relationship. Yep, we're fucked. The last week has continued on the roller coaster and I guess that's just how we roll. Yes, I am officially Krishna's 'girlfriend' and if you read up on your Indian myths, it'll be a mission. After my last post, he ignored me for a couple of days and then showed up at mine with the dawg for backup. Now, he wants me to make it very clear to everyone that all he had to do was WAVE and I capitulated but to be fair to me, I was still mostly asleep! Grrr... And anyway, I admit I'm a sucker for a bad boy and he's about as bad as they come. The thing is, he never ends up paying consequences for his actions because he has roughly 18,735 ex-girlfriends that will get him out of trouble, me to take care of his needs and desires, and his mum to pick up the slack. The man is spoiled rotten to his sweet nougaty centre and apparently I am suffering from pica since I eat it up until I'm sick. It's funny or tragic to those who know me well but I can say I've probably never been such a good, understanding girlfriend. Being with Cri and Matte was similarly exhausting but I didn't get the harsh attitude from them. Oh well, my dears, we'll just have to see how tough our little Gattina is, innit.
I'm going on and on about the hardcore (yes we are still high or fighting a large portion of our time) but there is some normalcy. I accompanied Krishna to his 20 year class reunion which was a very good time (I was told several times that he had shagged every girl in the room in high school and I just grinned- that's my boy. He may be a slut, but he's my slut. Lucky he feels the same about me! Only Matte could compare to this boys numbers. Dio mio. ) and we just got back from a romantic comedy at the cinema. We cuddled and snuggled and he teased me. It was nice. As a matter of fact, I think he's still out on the sofa and I could use some 'Who's your daddy?' playtime so I'm going to have to love you and leave you for now but I'll be back. I always come back.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Ring of Fire
'She has learned through you... Let it be your care that her knowledge is profitable to her.' - E.M. Forster
I know I posted just a couple days ago but I thought you might all be interested to know that I am spending a drug-free day watching romantic comedies and mourning the loss of Krishna. Why is Gattina so drawn to men that only want to use and discard her? Perhaps heartache keeps my creative side sharp? Interesting. I knew going in that Krishna is a drug addicted playboy but still invested enough of myself to be hurt when he wanted to 'slow down the pace'. This little speech of his just happened to be on payday (now he doesn't need my money) and the day before his lake party (he can play with other girls without my cumbersome presence). I have been friends with him for like 9 years and am shocked at both our behaviour. When he said he wanted to slow the pace, I dumped him and demanded back some of the ridiculous amount of money I have donated to his needs. Oh, and threatened all sorts of drama if he ignored me. I have been totally open to him emotionally and physically. Shutting those doors again will be sad. I'll miss the dawg. And the sex. And the cooking for a man with appreciation and appetite. Maybe he'll surprise me and actually fight for me? He did say he would eat a bowl of bees for me the other day. Either way, the adventures will continue and I am writing, my darlings, thank the gods for my writing.
I know I posted just a couple days ago but I thought you might all be interested to know that I am spending a drug-free day watching romantic comedies and mourning the loss of Krishna. Why is Gattina so drawn to men that only want to use and discard her? Perhaps heartache keeps my creative side sharp? Interesting. I knew going in that Krishna is a drug addicted playboy but still invested enough of myself to be hurt when he wanted to 'slow down the pace'. This little speech of his just happened to be on payday (now he doesn't need my money) and the day before his lake party (he can play with other girls without my cumbersome presence). I have been friends with him for like 9 years and am shocked at both our behaviour. When he said he wanted to slow the pace, I dumped him and demanded back some of the ridiculous amount of money I have donated to his needs. Oh, and threatened all sorts of drama if he ignored me. I have been totally open to him emotionally and physically. Shutting those doors again will be sad. I'll miss the dawg. And the sex. And the cooking for a man with appreciation and appetite. Maybe he'll surprise me and actually fight for me? He did say he would eat a bowl of bees for me the other day. Either way, the adventures will continue and I am writing, my darlings, thank the gods for my writing.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Planet Zog
'The luxury of self-exposure kept her almost happy through the long evening. She thought not so much of what had happened as of how she should describe it.' -E.M. Forster
Planet Zog is a holiday destination that I visit often, usually with companions but sometimes alone. Its physical location moves about- it has been the House of Love, MC Score, Krishna's office, and most recently my brother's bathtub. I have decided that the charlie in this country is just impossibly strong and harsh for Gattina's refined London tastes. It makes me dramatic and paranoid and physically compromised. This does not mean I will stop visiting Planet Zog but I will probably choose alternate transport from now on.
I have finally delved into the pain of losing my entire London life. My flat, my lifestyle, my mates, and my fiance. Krishna has tried to be understanding but I am unfair to him. I am trying to fill the hole left by my lion and it's not his responsibility. For example, I used to get off my face on drugs or pick silly fights or act cold and uncaring and my big, strong kiwaussie would bundle me up in his arms, take my body with his, and then tell me how to behave myself in future and why. I was his precious life partner, worth all his effort and all his love. The loss of him guts me, my darlings, it truly does.
On a positive note, my writing is going well and in between drug binges, I am getting my tasks done. I allowed Krishna into my running stream of consciousness whilst I was working plot development on my novel the other day. It was new and exciting to share the madness. I hope our friendship survives the trials it is being put through now.
I am staying in touch with my girls from prison. I will never devalue that experience or forget its lessons.
In HMP Bronzefield, we were banged up after lunch for an hour every day. My padmate and I had been moved from Houseblock 1 (detox unit) to Houseblock 3 and one day in the afternoon, we noticed that there was a circular piece in the door under the flap. It was a couple inches in diameter and looked to screw out to create a hole. We thought and thought on it but I couldn't puzzle it. My padmate looked up at me as a lightbulb went off in her head. It's for cock! She said. A gloryhole?! I shouted and almost fell off my bunk. Never did get a clear answer on why it's there. Some say it's for passing meds and some say it's for the firehose in patrol states but no matter its true use, it'll always be a gloryhole to me!
Planet Zog is a holiday destination that I visit often, usually with companions but sometimes alone. Its physical location moves about- it has been the House of Love, MC Score, Krishna's office, and most recently my brother's bathtub. I have decided that the charlie in this country is just impossibly strong and harsh for Gattina's refined London tastes. It makes me dramatic and paranoid and physically compromised. This does not mean I will stop visiting Planet Zog but I will probably choose alternate transport from now on.
I have finally delved into the pain of losing my entire London life. My flat, my lifestyle, my mates, and my fiance. Krishna has tried to be understanding but I am unfair to him. I am trying to fill the hole left by my lion and it's not his responsibility. For example, I used to get off my face on drugs or pick silly fights or act cold and uncaring and my big, strong kiwaussie would bundle me up in his arms, take my body with his, and then tell me how to behave myself in future and why. I was his precious life partner, worth all his effort and all his love. The loss of him guts me, my darlings, it truly does.
On a positive note, my writing is going well and in between drug binges, I am getting my tasks done. I allowed Krishna into my running stream of consciousness whilst I was working plot development on my novel the other day. It was new and exciting to share the madness. I hope our friendship survives the trials it is being put through now.
I am staying in touch with my girls from prison. I will never devalue that experience or forget its lessons.
In HMP Bronzefield, we were banged up after lunch for an hour every day. My padmate and I had been moved from Houseblock 1 (detox unit) to Houseblock 3 and one day in the afternoon, we noticed that there was a circular piece in the door under the flap. It was a couple inches in diameter and looked to screw out to create a hole. We thought and thought on it but I couldn't puzzle it. My padmate looked up at me as a lightbulb went off in her head. It's for cock! She said. A gloryhole?! I shouted and almost fell off my bunk. Never did get a clear answer on why it's there. Some say it's for passing meds and some say it's for the firehose in patrol states but no matter its true use, it'll always be a gloryhole to me!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Puppies and Kittens
'I was trying to mate with the winter wolf who was contained with some snow leopards. the leopards were female and dangerous but the wolf was gentle. I can still feel his fur under my fingers. He was shy and easily frightened.' - Gattina's Prison Dream Journal Entry 19/4/2009
So I've been playing house for the last few days and it's nice. I had asked my grappler to make me feel like a woman again because you see, even a girl as fully embracing of her womanhood as Gattina will take a hit from a quarter of a year in prison. It's not just abstention, it's never being spoken to or looked at as a female. Very difficult to describe. So my boy (I am going to call him Krishna from now on) has been equipping my body with sat-nav so that if he goes blind, he can still easily find his way from say my right ankle to my left inner thigh. Wicked. He's also been allowing me to do all manner of other womanly things such as cleaning house, cuddling the boxer-dawg, and shopping and cooking. The dawg (Krishna is most certainly a cowboy and cowboys have dawgs, not dogs.) has fallen in love with me, I think. Follows me everywhere, guards me, sits on me, kisses me, cuddles me.. it's probably because I always smell of the food I make for his papa. Rubbed dalmation sage pork with veg amandine, roast beef dinner with shiraz reduction thickened to a sauce with beurre maitre,etc. Now you all know that Gattina is no domesticated feline, every time she tries it she gets left and in a hurry so don't worry that she's getting all carried away yet again.
I truly believed that by now I would be married to my lion and with our first child and the loss of him and of our dreams hurts. My father can't quite get his head round us announcing our engagement to our families and then not following some sort of protocol to end it. The way it looks now, my lion's illustrious family couldn't bear the thought of an ex con daughter-in-law so I was unceremoniously dumped via solicitor. Ouch. Puts my back up, I tell you. Ah but back to prison...
Bronzefield is a pretty rough prison. Most of the prisoners are Brits in for drug related crimes. Many of them are career criminals who are as comfortable in the nick as out on the street. Gattina stayed out of the way in the gym, rowing her little boat and riding a spinning bike for hours a day. It was through this course of action (trying to quietly stay out the way and work out through the detox phase) that I got embroiled in lesbian intrigue. My mate likes you, said a tattooed, pockmarked little blonde to me whilst we waited to be chosen on benchball teams. She indicated a tall young footballer goofing off to one side. I'm engaged, I said, to a man. That was just ignored and the next thing I know, the footballer and I are engaged in adolescent courtship by throwing things at each other, riding cycles together on pretend Aussie beaches, tickling, tackling, etc. Then, along comes a new inmate named after a Greek goddess who fancies my footballer so starts making noises about throwing scalding sugar water in my face. The footballer says, oh don't worry- she wouldn't risk the extra 2 years on her sentence. I stand my ground and somehow we all end up lovely little teaparty girlie-friends in the end. Too strange to be fiction, my dears, too damn strange.
So I've been playing house for the last few days and it's nice. I had asked my grappler to make me feel like a woman again because you see, even a girl as fully embracing of her womanhood as Gattina will take a hit from a quarter of a year in prison. It's not just abstention, it's never being spoken to or looked at as a female. Very difficult to describe. So my boy (I am going to call him Krishna from now on) has been equipping my body with sat-nav so that if he goes blind, he can still easily find his way from say my right ankle to my left inner thigh. Wicked. He's also been allowing me to do all manner of other womanly things such as cleaning house, cuddling the boxer-dawg, and shopping and cooking. The dawg (Krishna is most certainly a cowboy and cowboys have dawgs, not dogs.) has fallen in love with me, I think. Follows me everywhere, guards me, sits on me, kisses me, cuddles me.. it's probably because I always smell of the food I make for his papa. Rubbed dalmation sage pork with veg amandine, roast beef dinner with shiraz reduction thickened to a sauce with beurre maitre,etc. Now you all know that Gattina is no domesticated feline, every time she tries it she gets left and in a hurry so don't worry that she's getting all carried away yet again.
I truly believed that by now I would be married to my lion and with our first child and the loss of him and of our dreams hurts. My father can't quite get his head round us announcing our engagement to our families and then not following some sort of protocol to end it. The way it looks now, my lion's illustrious family couldn't bear the thought of an ex con daughter-in-law so I was unceremoniously dumped via solicitor. Ouch. Puts my back up, I tell you. Ah but back to prison...
Bronzefield is a pretty rough prison. Most of the prisoners are Brits in for drug related crimes. Many of them are career criminals who are as comfortable in the nick as out on the street. Gattina stayed out of the way in the gym, rowing her little boat and riding a spinning bike for hours a day. It was through this course of action (trying to quietly stay out the way and work out through the detox phase) that I got embroiled in lesbian intrigue. My mate likes you, said a tattooed, pockmarked little blonde to me whilst we waited to be chosen on benchball teams. She indicated a tall young footballer goofing off to one side. I'm engaged, I said, to a man. That was just ignored and the next thing I know, the footballer and I are engaged in adolescent courtship by throwing things at each other, riding cycles together on pretend Aussie beaches, tickling, tackling, etc. Then, along comes a new inmate named after a Greek goddess who fancies my footballer so starts making noises about throwing scalding sugar water in my face. The footballer says, oh don't worry- she wouldn't risk the extra 2 years on her sentence. I stand my ground and somehow we all end up lovely little teaparty girlie-friends in the end. Too strange to be fiction, my dears, too damn strange.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Crackwhore
'Women of itntrepid charm can't be stopped- they'll even steal what they want. Why be timid? Tears cannot bring satisfaction. You want him, he's hungry for sexual pleasure...' - Amarushataka #9
Oh dear, the things a girl fresh out of prison will get herself into. I spent the weekend smoking crack with my old jiu-jitsu partner. As he attacked my body with strong hands and mouth, I sighed. Remind me what's good about America, I whispered coquettishly. Stop struggling and behave yourself, he said, I know what you need little girl and I'll have you begging for it. I'm not impressed with all this running around with European boys you do trying to make me jealous, he continued and kept talking dirty to me (the boy knows what I like, what can I say?) until I was quivering for it. Wow, I needed that!
So it's Monday now and as the pipesmoke clears I see I owe the drug dealers money I don't have (had to borrow from an ex- he's furious), my mobile is without credit, my partner in crime is MIA, and my teeth hurt. Bollocks.
I think I'll stick with the sex and leave the crack for the week. And I thought prison was stressful!
Adding to my stress, Silver Fox stole almost all of my belongings from my flat just after I was imprisoned. Spiteful little bitch. He's trying to say my fiance ransacked my flat and destroyed the things I was emotionally attached too. Ri-ight. The courts will have to sort that shit out. Honestly, what a loser.
I'm sure you're all curious about British prisons so let's begin with the anecdotes.
I was held at the border for 20 hours then taken to the police station for 2 days. Not only no vices allowed but also no shower or soap of any sort. -Gattina licks her paw and washes her face vigorously at the memory- At the end of that, our heroine was marched over to the magistrates court to be remanded to prison awaiting crown court. This took all day and I was locked in a holding cell with a lovely drug smuggler from America whilst we waited for whatever came next.
I wish everyone was as polite as you in custody, the court warder beamed at me. He had just told us that our transport, affectionately referred to as the sweat boxes, was waiting to take us to HMP Bronzefield.
Why thank you, John, I said. A pleasure my dear, he said and actually bowed.
The handcuffs were not comfortable and the sweat boxes were a horror but I continued in my giddy unreality until the other inmates began arriving for processing. My drug smuggling friend and I huddled together and requested that we be cellmates. We sorted our bedding and giggled together whilst we took stock of our new environs. It finally occured to me to wonder about the time but my lovely Cartier watch was kept in the prison safe and my padmate's was set to another time zone. Hmm.. there appeared to be a communication bell in the wall so I rang it. State your emergency, came a stern male voice. Eep! I leapt in the air then composed myself. In my pure sloany accent I drawled, oh I don't have an emergency sir, I was just wondering the time. Dead air. We girls fell into the giggles and I jumped onto a chair to spring into the top bunk. My first night in prison.
Oh dear, the things a girl fresh out of prison will get herself into. I spent the weekend smoking crack with my old jiu-jitsu partner. As he attacked my body with strong hands and mouth, I sighed. Remind me what's good about America, I whispered coquettishly. Stop struggling and behave yourself, he said, I know what you need little girl and I'll have you begging for it. I'm not impressed with all this running around with European boys you do trying to make me jealous, he continued and kept talking dirty to me (the boy knows what I like, what can I say?) until I was quivering for it. Wow, I needed that!
So it's Monday now and as the pipesmoke clears I see I owe the drug dealers money I don't have (had to borrow from an ex- he's furious), my mobile is without credit, my partner in crime is MIA, and my teeth hurt. Bollocks.
I think I'll stick with the sex and leave the crack for the week. And I thought prison was stressful!
Adding to my stress, Silver Fox stole almost all of my belongings from my flat just after I was imprisoned. Spiteful little bitch. He's trying to say my fiance ransacked my flat and destroyed the things I was emotionally attached too. Ri-ight. The courts will have to sort that shit out. Honestly, what a loser.
I'm sure you're all curious about British prisons so let's begin with the anecdotes.
I was held at the border for 20 hours then taken to the police station for 2 days. Not only no vices allowed but also no shower or soap of any sort. -Gattina licks her paw and washes her face vigorously at the memory- At the end of that, our heroine was marched over to the magistrates court to be remanded to prison awaiting crown court. This took all day and I was locked in a holding cell with a lovely drug smuggler from America whilst we waited for whatever came next.
I wish everyone was as polite as you in custody, the court warder beamed at me. He had just told us that our transport, affectionately referred to as the sweat boxes, was waiting to take us to HMP Bronzefield.
Why thank you, John, I said. A pleasure my dear, he said and actually bowed.
The handcuffs were not comfortable and the sweat boxes were a horror but I continued in my giddy unreality until the other inmates began arriving for processing. My drug smuggling friend and I huddled together and requested that we be cellmates. We sorted our bedding and giggled together whilst we took stock of our new environs. It finally occured to me to wonder about the time but my lovely Cartier watch was kept in the prison safe and my padmate's was set to another time zone. Hmm.. there appeared to be a communication bell in the wall so I rang it. State your emergency, came a stern male voice. Eep! I leapt in the air then composed myself. In my pure sloany accent I drawled, oh I don't have an emergency sir, I was just wondering the time. Dead air. We girls fell into the giggles and I jumped onto a chair to spring into the top bunk. My first night in prison.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Innit.
'Dantes passed through all the degrees of misfortune that prisoners, forgotten in their dungeon, suffer.' - Alexandre Dumas
So did I happen to mention that I travelled to Tenerife on a false identity? No? Oh dear. Well I did. I got nicked coming back into Gatwick after telling my fiance and Alex that I felt nervous about travelling that fateful 10th of February. Shit happens. Innit.
I intend to give you all the highlights whilst I readjust to life out of prison and in the States for the next few weeks so umm, ya'll ready for this?
At least you know I wasn't ignoring you, after all- I haven't been gallivanting, I've been in gaol!!
So did I happen to mention that I travelled to Tenerife on a false identity? No? Oh dear. Well I did. I got nicked coming back into Gatwick after telling my fiance and Alex that I felt nervous about travelling that fateful 10th of February. Shit happens. Innit.
I intend to give you all the highlights whilst I readjust to life out of prison and in the States for the next few weeks so umm, ya'll ready for this?
At least you know I wasn't ignoring you, after all- I haven't been gallivanting, I've been in gaol!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
España
The key is to commit crimes so confusing that police feel too stupid to even write a crime report about them. - Randy Millholland
So lovelies, I am chilling in the Canary Islands and encouraging my mates in London to steal pepper pots for entry into an elite dinner paty at mine near my upcoming birthday. Mental? Sure, but also never dull!
Doing well with my Kiwaussie (born in Oz, raised in NZ) and missing him summat dreadful! Will update properly soon but for now, the sun is calling me and I must heed it. Just trust that I am ever an alien spy and international woman of mystery so stay tuned for further exploits..
So lovelies, I am chilling in the Canary Islands and encouraging my mates in London to steal pepper pots for entry into an elite dinner paty at mine near my upcoming birthday. Mental? Sure, but also never dull!
Doing well with my Kiwaussie (born in Oz, raised in NZ) and missing him summat dreadful! Will update properly soon but for now, the sun is calling me and I must heed it. Just trust that I am ever an alien spy and international woman of mystery so stay tuned for further exploits..
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sweating Like a Rapist
"There is perhaps nothing so bad and so dangerous in life as fear." - Jawaharial Nehru
Drama follows me like ducklings or ants or lemmings, etc. I know. I am mental but honest. Take what you will from me and I will keep on giving, so here we go again!
My Silver Fox established me in a truly amazing flat in South London. Both our names are on the lease but I am not ready to accept him into my home- he has been unstable recently. Things were not improved when he walked in to deliver my Alessi teapot and found me in bed with a 22 year old Aussie boy. Whoops. Told him the truth- didn't shag the boy that night. Hehe. He apologised but I really didn't want to see that Aussie again anyhow (named him MC Bulge and yes, a man can be too large!).
I have been settling into my new palace like the principessa I am. Dinner parties, brawlie paintings, tantrums, and Olivia as my lovely little cleaning girl (at twice the price of a regular cleaner- nepotism). I wish you could all just come round mine for a nice meal and surprising times. :) Valentina has been and I'd actually love her to live there with me. Maybe.
Remember the kiwis Olivia and I met on Christmas Eve? I finally caught up with Tess' brother and I am reporting that he was present when my Silver Fox had his tantrum (he was hiding post-shag under the duvet sweating like a rapist). He had the best time ever telling his mates about my distraught sugardaddy and how I brought the police to remove danger. Not so funny for me since I still have a nasty bruise a week later. Got Silver Fox into anger management and my Kiwi has asked me to meet his fam in Thailand at the end of March. We hope to marry on the beach with at least some of our family members present and supportive...
Drama follows me like ducklings or ants or lemmings, etc. I know. I am mental but honest. Take what you will from me and I will keep on giving, so here we go again!
My Silver Fox established me in a truly amazing flat in South London. Both our names are on the lease but I am not ready to accept him into my home- he has been unstable recently. Things were not improved when he walked in to deliver my Alessi teapot and found me in bed with a 22 year old Aussie boy. Whoops. Told him the truth- didn't shag the boy that night. Hehe. He apologised but I really didn't want to see that Aussie again anyhow (named him MC Bulge and yes, a man can be too large!).
I have been settling into my new palace like the principessa I am. Dinner parties, brawlie paintings, tantrums, and Olivia as my lovely little cleaning girl (at twice the price of a regular cleaner- nepotism). I wish you could all just come round mine for a nice meal and surprising times. :) Valentina has been and I'd actually love her to live there with me. Maybe.
Remember the kiwis Olivia and I met on Christmas Eve? I finally caught up with Tess' brother and I am reporting that he was present when my Silver Fox had his tantrum (he was hiding post-shag under the duvet sweating like a rapist). He had the best time ever telling his mates about my distraught sugardaddy and how I brought the police to remove danger. Not so funny for me since I still have a nasty bruise a week later. Got Silver Fox into anger management and my Kiwi has asked me to meet his fam in Thailand at the end of March. We hope to marry on the beach with at least some of our family members present and supportive...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Giving and Receiving
"Non me lo credo? Ingrato! Vien qui.. sfogatti.. amazzami.. fa tutto di me quel que ti piace." -Puccini
Gattina cattiva. Lei e una principessa, non? Ah, LA Principessa. Hehe. Yes, indeed my sweethearts- your lovable little naughty so-and-so is re-embracing wealth and privilege. (How many -'s can you put into one sentence without being plain silly?!) I am running all round furnishing my gorgeous new party pad. M.C. Score!!!!! Don't worry, I also have parking for the Aston and, more significantly, have retained all slut privileges.
2009 is going to be a year of luxury but also a year of exploration and personal growth. I saw Roo a few days ago and he was kind enough to help me understand a little clearer what happened between us. It was painful but so relieving to see a lantern toward clarity. I am afraid I have had to insist upon some space from my sister for both of our better good. It is tense but we are lunching in a couple days so we'll see. I miss her. Francis and M.C. Fly (my flatmates, The Boys, etc.) have adjusted alright to her absence and we will all find our way to what is comfortable and best. We're good like that.
Haven't shagged in so bloody long, I think it's rusted. Oh well, better to focus on friends and furnishings for the mo.
I am FINALLY almost finished reading the collection short stories by Julio Cortazar that I started an age ago. That guy is a trip! I mean, sicking up rabbits?!
Okay, I know what you're all waiting for. I am having my first little dinner in my new palace tomorrow night with mates and Valentina is bringing a lovely girl from out of town while I am providing Aussie boys for target practice and mate integration. Gattina's little party pad will just have to become a hub of inter-cultural bonding. Hey the UN was useless anyway, right?
Gattina cattiva. Lei e una principessa, non? Ah, LA Principessa. Hehe. Yes, indeed my sweethearts- your lovable little naughty so-and-so is re-embracing wealth and privilege. (How many -'s can you put into one sentence without being plain silly?!) I am running all round furnishing my gorgeous new party pad. M.C. Score!!!!! Don't worry, I also have parking for the Aston and, more significantly, have retained all slut privileges.
2009 is going to be a year of luxury but also a year of exploration and personal growth. I saw Roo a few days ago and he was kind enough to help me understand a little clearer what happened between us. It was painful but so relieving to see a lantern toward clarity. I am afraid I have had to insist upon some space from my sister for both of our better good. It is tense but we are lunching in a couple days so we'll see. I miss her. Francis and M.C. Fly (my flatmates, The Boys, etc.) have adjusted alright to her absence and we will all find our way to what is comfortable and best. We're good like that.
Haven't shagged in so bloody long, I think it's rusted. Oh well, better to focus on friends and furnishings for the mo.
I am FINALLY almost finished reading the collection short stories by Julio Cortazar that I started an age ago. That guy is a trip! I mean, sicking up rabbits?!
Okay, I know what you're all waiting for. I am having my first little dinner in my new palace tomorrow night with mates and Valentina is bringing a lovely girl from out of town while I am providing Aussie boys for target practice and mate integration. Gattina's little party pad will just have to become a hub of inter-cultural bonding. Hey the UN was useless anyway, right?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Melbourne and Mates
"You'll arrive on the day knowing what the interviewer is looking for- and you'll be ready to deliver." Ros Jay
So it was my idea to have a wager with my flatmates for their holiday away snowboarding in the French Alps. However, the punishment for losing as well as the point system was established by Francis. My sister and my other flatmate were along for the ride. Francis admitted that Olivia and I would certainly win but also offered up the 'whoever loses has to run around in the union jack boxers (we had bought them on a random trip back from Gordon's where we had gone to formulate the alien language of planet Zog) outside in the bitter Londra winter night.' Oh yes, in nothing else.' We agreed on the terms and scoring system as the boys crossed over on the ferry. So scoring:
1 point for shagging someone you already know.
2 points for oral with anyone (known or random).
3 points for a full on shag with a random.
The wager was pretty fair considering they were in holiday party land and we were intending to sort out the flat and bake and such (even though we ARE way prettier than them). We decided after I had only earned 1 point halfway through (by shagging my Albanian boy) to knock it down in one night. Christmas Eve to be exact. We knew one of our favourite Fulham haunts would be crawling with colonials (too far for them to get home) and with the combo of cheesy music and our utterly outrageous dance techniques, we figured on pulling around 6-8. As it played out, we hung out with a really nice group of kiwis. They were a boy, his stunning sister (think Tess of the D'Urbervilles), and a girl they knew from school. Many men tried it on us but we were having so much fun in our own little alien dancing bubble, we couldn't be asked. We decided that we were duty bound not only by the wager but by the time and effort we had invested in our appealing presentation so skipped off to another club where the music would be less enticing for silly alien dance moves. At the new club, the men where trolling and we got kind of weird vibes so, sadly for our cause, decided not one was tolerable. That is until just before we left.
A clean cut and very fit boy walked up to me and stated that I was stunning. Having two Aussie flatmates at the moment I understood that he was from down under but sounded different from my Sydney boys. He's from Melbourne. Guess that settles that. I asked Olivia to dance with him for my final trek to the loo and when I came back, they were smiling and chatting at totally normal body distance. Weird (have I mentioned what a hottie my sis is?!) but also wicked cool. We said goodbye to him and he clenched my right leg between his thighs to lean in for a kiss. Fit, fit, fit. Hmmm...
So we exchanged numbers and we, due povere gattine made our way home. Our one fervent joint wish was for a kebab. No joy! We were gutted.. and a bit pissed so decided to raid the refrigerator. The contents were all mixed together so I will just give some examples:
Mozzarella Fresca
Garlic and Coriander Naan
Caviar
Gherkins
Vegemite
Cheddar
Soured Cream
Not so frightening as a grocery list but I am sure you can imagine the concoctions. We decided during our feast of sorts to shag the Aussie boy we'd met latest at the club. He at least seemed clean and well mannered and was going on holiday the next day. Better than having this pathetic one point, I shrugged. Olivia stuffed another frightening naan concoction in her face but managed to communicate her request that he bring mates and lots of 'em!
So we phoned What-His-Name over and he arrived, dissappointingly alone. We all got comfortable in the sitting room and my sis and I proceeded to speak in a combination of Alien and Italian. The boy seemed to have no sense of humour so mia bella sorella finally turned to me and said, 'Let's just get this over with.' That sent me into more giggles but we managed to mostly undress and climb onto him. She then said, 'So how are you doing?' to What's His Name and that set me off again! Hysterical! So we shagged him and I wish i could say it was good fun or at least inconsequential but he was using his hands in such a way that we were reminded of a robot perhaps scrubbing dishes! We turned to each other and laughed away! Oh dear, oh dear! He got into her for about a minute and then into me for about half a minute before coming. We were so relieved to have gotten our points, that we told him all about our wager and how we only pulled him to try to win. Yay, 6 points! We then buggered off to sleep in Francis' bed since he has a dvd and telly. The poor guy wandered a bit and then sorted himself a taxi. We laughed alot but have decided we soooo deserve better.
The real gutwrencher is that the boys were having fun in France but found 0 (that's correct, a big old goose egg) talent to play with. We were both like, we had a crap shag for nothing?! But you know, watching them run around in an unseasonable cold night in their Union Jacks made it all worth it! What a sight!!
When it comes to The House of Love and Peace physically, Olivia and I had changed everything around. We even had a very exciting evening of spy behaviour at Ikea for bits, bobs, and essentials. We can make ANY excursion fun! We worried the Boys would be angry at the intrusion but instead, they have become a little house proud- YAY!
So, Olivia and I have fooled about with Francis some more but he seems pretty solid in not wanting to shag flatmates. Fool. No worries since we've got alot of shit to think on these days.
Has everyone missed my beautiful Valentina as much as I have?! I spent all day with her and am sleeping over tonight. You might be asking, what are you doing typing with that stunning woman in bed? But trust me mates, she is OUT. We've had some nice times together today shopping, sunning, snogging, drinking, and just telling each other for remembrance how much we love/trust/want/and missed each other. Bellissima! Now that is enough make-up blogging I think and you know the sun is up and I will need some sleep so I can't share all the other naughty bits with you just now...
So it was my idea to have a wager with my flatmates for their holiday away snowboarding in the French Alps. However, the punishment for losing as well as the point system was established by Francis. My sister and my other flatmate were along for the ride. Francis admitted that Olivia and I would certainly win but also offered up the 'whoever loses has to run around in the union jack boxers (we had bought them on a random trip back from Gordon's where we had gone to formulate the alien language of planet Zog) outside in the bitter Londra winter night.' Oh yes, in nothing else.' We agreed on the terms and scoring system as the boys crossed over on the ferry. So scoring:
1 point for shagging someone you already know.
2 points for oral with anyone (known or random).
3 points for a full on shag with a random.
The wager was pretty fair considering they were in holiday party land and we were intending to sort out the flat and bake and such (even though we ARE way prettier than them). We decided after I had only earned 1 point halfway through (by shagging my Albanian boy) to knock it down in one night. Christmas Eve to be exact. We knew one of our favourite Fulham haunts would be crawling with colonials (too far for them to get home) and with the combo of cheesy music and our utterly outrageous dance techniques, we figured on pulling around 6-8. As it played out, we hung out with a really nice group of kiwis. They were a boy, his stunning sister (think Tess of the D'Urbervilles), and a girl they knew from school. Many men tried it on us but we were having so much fun in our own little alien dancing bubble, we couldn't be asked. We decided that we were duty bound not only by the wager but by the time and effort we had invested in our appealing presentation so skipped off to another club where the music would be less enticing for silly alien dance moves. At the new club, the men where trolling and we got kind of weird vibes so, sadly for our cause, decided not one was tolerable. That is until just before we left.
A clean cut and very fit boy walked up to me and stated that I was stunning. Having two Aussie flatmates at the moment I understood that he was from down under but sounded different from my Sydney boys. He's from Melbourne. Guess that settles that. I asked Olivia to dance with him for my final trek to the loo and when I came back, they were smiling and chatting at totally normal body distance. Weird (have I mentioned what a hottie my sis is?!) but also wicked cool. We said goodbye to him and he clenched my right leg between his thighs to lean in for a kiss. Fit, fit, fit. Hmmm...
So we exchanged numbers and we, due povere gattine made our way home. Our one fervent joint wish was for a kebab. No joy! We were gutted.. and a bit pissed so decided to raid the refrigerator. The contents were all mixed together so I will just give some examples:
Mozzarella Fresca
Garlic and Coriander Naan
Caviar
Gherkins
Vegemite
Cheddar
Soured Cream
Not so frightening as a grocery list but I am sure you can imagine the concoctions. We decided during our feast of sorts to shag the Aussie boy we'd met latest at the club. He at least seemed clean and well mannered and was going on holiday the next day. Better than having this pathetic one point, I shrugged. Olivia stuffed another frightening naan concoction in her face but managed to communicate her request that he bring mates and lots of 'em!
So we phoned What-His-Name over and he arrived, dissappointingly alone. We all got comfortable in the sitting room and my sis and I proceeded to speak in a combination of Alien and Italian. The boy seemed to have no sense of humour so mia bella sorella finally turned to me and said, 'Let's just get this over with.' That sent me into more giggles but we managed to mostly undress and climb onto him. She then said, 'So how are you doing?' to What's His Name and that set me off again! Hysterical! So we shagged him and I wish i could say it was good fun or at least inconsequential but he was using his hands in such a way that we were reminded of a robot perhaps scrubbing dishes! We turned to each other and laughed away! Oh dear, oh dear! He got into her for about a minute and then into me for about half a minute before coming. We were so relieved to have gotten our points, that we told him all about our wager and how we only pulled him to try to win. Yay, 6 points! We then buggered off to sleep in Francis' bed since he has a dvd and telly. The poor guy wandered a bit and then sorted himself a taxi. We laughed alot but have decided we soooo deserve better.
The real gutwrencher is that the boys were having fun in France but found 0 (that's correct, a big old goose egg) talent to play with. We were both like, we had a crap shag for nothing?! But you know, watching them run around in an unseasonable cold night in their Union Jacks made it all worth it! What a sight!!
When it comes to The House of Love and Peace physically, Olivia and I had changed everything around. We even had a very exciting evening of spy behaviour at Ikea for bits, bobs, and essentials. We can make ANY excursion fun! We worried the Boys would be angry at the intrusion but instead, they have become a little house proud- YAY!
So, Olivia and I have fooled about with Francis some more but he seems pretty solid in not wanting to shag flatmates. Fool. No worries since we've got alot of shit to think on these days.
Has everyone missed my beautiful Valentina as much as I have?! I spent all day with her and am sleeping over tonight. You might be asking, what are you doing typing with that stunning woman in bed? But trust me mates, she is OUT. We've had some nice times together today shopping, sunning, snogging, drinking, and just telling each other for remembrance how much we love/trust/want/and missed each other. Bellissima! Now that is enough make-up blogging I think and you know the sun is up and I will need some sleep so I can't share all the other naughty bits with you just now...
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