I May Crack but I'll Never Shatter

'...when you said we made such a pretty pair and that you'd never leave. But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.' - Carly Simon

I had some dreams... and I am getting back to them now. I am waiting still for my new passport but will bugger off from this place as soon as I can. I spent the night in the woods a couple nights ago. Fuck this place and fuck these blokes. I'll always adore them both but I think it's a little safer from afar. Let me back up here...
BH and I had been hanging out quite a bit and then he got a stomach flu. I went out for the evening to give him some sick space and when I returned and curled up on the sofa to pass out, I thought the evening was over. Get up! He yelled. Get your shit, you are going to Krishna's. I don't want to, I mumbled. Tough, he's not being a good daddy and helping me deal with you. Uh-oh, this is how the pill convo began in Cleveland. I decided best to just do what I'm told and get in the auto. I'm not going to Krishna's, I said, he's asked me to take charge and stay away from him since he is weak and won't stay away from me on his own. (Then he called me a sex goddess. Awwww... yeah!) Fine, I'll get you a hotel, BH said. Fuck me but I should have agreed to that! Nope, I said getting on the hump. Just fucking drop me anywhere. This is how I ended up wandering barefoot and barelegged in woods near Krishna's house.
BH then phoned Krishna to tell him I was in the woods. I had lay down in a glade with my rucksack for a cushion. It was nice except the non-stop ringing of my mobile. I finally answered when a tick burrowed into my leg! O ZOT! I love nature but not when it attacks me! Krishna was furious and demanded I walk to his place. I did. What followed was a colourful string of expletives, several shots of Jagermeister, and punishments. I had to drive the drug dealer back to his home, cook dinner, and remove most of my clothes. I went on the front porch to smoke a fag and Krishna appeared behind me.
I get a boner just being near you, he said. Then I was riding his cock on the porch with my nickers round his neck. Nifty.
We ended up shagging again later in the middle of our sleep and then I wandered back into the woods for a bit. Mistake. I fell over a fence and am now a colourful mass of bruises and abrasions. Ouch.
When Krishna dropped me the next morning, he reminded me that he had a date that night. Whatev, I said, I think I'll get laid tonight myself. He didn't like that. He phoned my brother and told him I am mental and need hospital time. Then he called me nothing more than a 'cum dump' to him. Charming. I've never actually found him repulsive before.
I spoke to my brother shortly after and he stated very clearly that I do not need psychiatric treatment, I just need to stay the hell away from someone who has so much contempt and anger for me. Refocus, he said. You're not going to stay in America for this guy are you? Fucking right I'm not. I have places to go and things to do, mates. I'll dally along until I go but trust me, my eye is back on that road. Can't wait to see some of you in Europe in the next weeks!