Jimmy Shoe

"And the ponderer watched as the fairies danced and the beast waited..." -Gattina

Sloth wasn't real?!!! I almost fell over when my sister, Olivia, shattered a childhood icon this morning. Well, at least Chunk really was that fat, she consoled but darling, there really is no Father Christmas. Damn! There was only one thing for it so we wandered off for sushi.
For days and days now we have been bonding family styley with dancing, booze, drugs, shoe dancing, and my hottie flatmate. Fucking brill, baby! We decided to hit Fulham and troll for colonials last Saturday and ended up finding a cutie South African but I lost him somewhere along Fulham Broadway with a brand new gram of charlie. Damn those wet pavements!! No worries, we went back to mine and awaited my flatmates. We had my Swiss friend in tow since he was visiting for the weekend but my sis made short work of him with cello tape and the hat we got from a doorman at the Slug. My flatmates were in a state- drunk, naked, and fighting on Tottenham Court Road but when they finally got home, it was worth the trouble! Olivia and I got cosy on a sofa.. ok, we snogged, shagged, and soaked ourselves in beer and olive oil- don't ask! We have decided to share my flatmate which apparently suits him since he didn't mind us overtaking his room and wardrobe (magic shoes are very useful when you are off your faces on MDMA for days!). I should report that last week, I got high with my flatmates and the boy showed mad oral skills so I had no problem recommending his mouth to my beloved sister.
I am quite positive I have never laughed so much in my entire life as the last few days! Yesterday, Olivia and I went for a meal and some wine and ended up back at mine with party hats and bubbles and lollies for the boys. Funnily enough, they were like ecstatic kiddos! Never a dull moment round ours! The House of love will be sad though when the guys leave for snowboarding tomorrow but Olivia and I are going to rock on and do some baking. Ok, we won't just bake but it will be nice to offer the men we are planning on pulling some snacks. Baked bums anyone?! Don't forget icing! I'll update again soon cuz there are lots of missing bits but had to tell you all that I am NOT hibernating though I had a lovely spoon with my sis last night after waking up masturbating myself next to her. Dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. :)

What's It Worth?

"The less their ability, the more their conceit." - Ahad HaAm

Okay, lovelies.. I have been sorting myself out across the board. Buying a business here in London and almost becoming more moderate. -chuckles- Yeah, right. So, I am moving in with Silver Fox and I am excited to get back to a life of being spoiled rotten. He is wonderfully, ridiculously permissive with me and I am ready to be looked after for a bit while I behave as the gattina cattiva I am. On that note..
I had enough of trying for a colonial so invited one over that was a sure thing. Remember the boy before Reuben that hates to read? I shagged him at mine and he spent a full half hour winging about how I don't suck cock for people I don't care for. I threw him out.
I have been warring with my flatmates but could give a shit since I am sitting at Silver Fox's at the moment, sorting his broadband and drinking mimosas. I know I have again been out of touch and I do apologise but with buying part of the agency I work for, flat shopping, and planning holidays.. :)
The Frenchman: shagged him again, good stuff, almost liked him so am writing him off. I have been cooking again and in the last week, made a sinful Welsh rarebit and a gorgeous aubergine curry.
Sports: going with Silver Fox to see my beloved Allblacks trounce England on Saturday. RKD will be there and has promised me some team introductions after the match. Can't wait!!
I still want to roll around with my boy flatmate but doubt it will happen considering the frosty atmosphere at ours. Haven't heard a word from Graydog so things must be going well with the SA girl. Dammit.
My boss got kidnapped briefly last week by a jealous ex. There is a definite reason we get on so well.
So where shall I go for Christmas? Weird to be away from family. I will have a weekend reunion with my Trio here in London, though. Yay! Saw mia bestia for dinner recently and fully enjoyed him while he and CriCri fought over my attention (Cri by mobile) like old times. Matte even said he doesn't want to see me too much because I am dangerously perfect for him. Gods, I love that boy.
Hope you are all staying warm and getting excited about the holidays. I think I am going to get high on MDMA and ice skate at Tower Bridge next week. Maybe I will go up in the BA Wheel after.
I'm still a rock star.

Wee Side Note

This is a good one- Silver Fox and the Frenchman work in the same building. Could get sticky!

A Frog Non-Prince

"She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities." - Henry James

Ok, here's what has been going on this weekend so far. I have started shagging again and last night, I was on a mission to get me some colonial action so I went to the bar in Fulham where I first saw Graydog. I think I am the only girl ever to go to an Aussie bar looking for colonial action but still ending up with a European. A good looking, smooth talking, arrogant.. ok it probably suffices to say he was French. He dragged me off to the Sugar Hut where we skipped the queue and were given a reserved table near the band. Hot music and the evening started taking shape when he went to the loo and came back tasting of charlie. I had some on order anyway so we ended up with a total of 4 g's which we took back to his. He is an investment banker and has a gorgeous flat. We did ALL the charlie, drank some vodka, and fooled around a bit. He had offered to pay for the stuff I bought so I didn't panic about the fact I had only 5 pounds in my pocket and no work until Tuesday. We were ridiculously high so the Frenchman gave me a couple sleeping pills that I still haven't recovered from. When we half-woke up, he made us eggs that were pretty much icky on my upset tummy so I went right back to bed after. He wanted me to stay all day (or even forever) but I really wanted to get home so when I was able to stand, I asked him to put me in a taxi. He said he only had 10 quid in his pocket and was unwilling to go to a cashpoint. I just stared at him. Such a gent, right? Fucking tosser.
I wandered up to the P&P (where I met Reuben) and watched the Allblacks kick the pants off Scotland for a bit while waiting for Silver Fox to come rescue me. I was (and still am) a wreck from the night before but my Fox is the soul of patience.
I texted with the Frenchman a bit and the fact is, the sex was pretty good and I have a strange attraction to his inconsiderate attitude. We'll see how it goes.
I still want a colonial soon so I will give it a try next week. Can't be asked tonight- bloody sleeping pills. Spending the day with Silver Fox tomorrow and look forward to a relaxing day of shopping and watching movies. One last thought on today- Kahui is a force of nature! Allblacks!!

Moving Along

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark." - Barbara Hall

Well, I am moved into my new place and change is in the air. My twin is on the naughty list for lying to me, Silver Fox is on the naughty list for being rude to me, and Rugby Coach is on the naughty list for breaking plans with me last minute. Gattina is not tolerating any nonsense these days! Spent last weekend in North Wales at Portmerion. Should've been the coolest weekend ever (You all know what a HUGE Prisoner Series fan I am, right?!) but I spent it fighting with Silver Fox. Rude wee man. I made him get his own room. All of this arguing with my harem has had the horrible side effect that I have not shagged in, umm.. weeks?! How can this be?! No wonder I am having sex dreams about Graydog! Haven't heard from him at all. -sighs-
Soooo.. my flatemates are all Aussies and hanging with them is fun. Especially the incredibly cute man of the house. I better watch that, shagging flatmates can lead to all kinds of silly problems! Guess I better go out and pull soon so I don't get myself in trouble! I don't think I've ever used that excuse for pulling but, hey it's proper. Got to get back to work, lovelies, but I will start updating regularly again now. Ciao!

Intermission

"sus·pen·sion –noun

1.	the act of suspending.

2.	the state of being suspended.

3.	temporary abrogation or withholding, as of a law, privilege, decision, belief, etc.

4.	stoppage of payment of debts or claims because of financial inability or insolvency.

5.	Chemistry. a. the state in which the particles of a substance are mixed with a fluid but are undissolved. b. a substance in such a state.

6.	Physical Chemistry. a system consisting of small particles kept dispersed by agitation (mechanical suspension) or by the molecular motion in the surrounding medium (colloidal suspension).

7.	something on or by which something else is suspended or hung.

8.	something that is suspended or hung.

9.	Also called suspension system. the arrangement of springs, shock absorbers, hangers, etc., in an automobile, railway car, etc., connecting the wheel-suspension units or axles to the chassis frame.

10.	Electricity. a wire, filament, or group of wires by which the conducting part of an instrument or device is suspended.

11.	Music. a. the prolongation of a tone in one chord into the following chord, usually producing a temporary dissonance. b. the tone so prolonged.

12.	Rhetoric. the heightening of interest by delay of the main subject or clause, especially by means of a series of parallel preceding elements.

Greetings Rugby Universe

"If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances." - Julia Sorel

Goodness my dears! I have been busy!! I'll try to stick to chronological order soooo..
Met up with Graydog last week in Chinatown so he could tell me in person that I am on back burner while he sorts himself with his ex. As we kissed (gods we kiss well together) goodbye, I could only think: STUPID BOY. Told him when she leaves he is welcome to call and if we are both still single and keen.. Right.
The next day I went to Manchester for work for 5 days. Fashion week- ooooohh. :) I was on a mission to pull (at least I said I was) but when my colleagues asked what I wanted, I got sad. A colonial. Tall, dark hair, laid back, big dick.. Bit specific, no? Shout out to Reuben and Graydog for being my type. Frankly, I was not in the mood to conquer anyone so ended up throwing a couple guys out of my hotel room and coming home aspen (pure as the the driven snow, baby). I couldn't be asked to come straight home so stayed at my silver fox's for the first night and then went to my rugby coach to see what would develop. He's my physical type no doubt but I was shocked that the boy is possibly more perverse than me! Brilliant. Never fisted a man's ass before! TMI?
I'll see him again soon. I left his after buying more charlie to keep me conscious and silver fox picked me up in a taxi. We headed off to South London to look at a flatshare for me where I can start again, away from the mental Albanian issues. I will know by the end of the weekend if I am moving. After the flat tour, silver fox and I ended up in a trendy gay bar while I got texts from my twin. He wanted me to come home so came out looking for me. When he came up with his mate and put his arm on my shoulder, I was truly scared there would be trouble but my companion was cool and I slipped off into the night to be controlled. My twin says he is having me watched and I am not sure. He has me escorted whenever possible and always seems to know more than he should but, come on, who has the time to follow people around?!
So, I am going away for the weekend with silver fox, hooking up next week with rugby coach, and trying to soothe my wild twin tonight. Life is exciting, my sweethearts, and as always very, very good.

Irons in the Fire

"Quot Homines Tot Sententiae. (So many men so many questions.)" - Terence

I am aware that I don't usually update this often but I have been quite busy these days and would like to keep you all abreast of current events. The Albanian trouble seems to be mostly over though I am still seeing my twin again tonight so I suppose it is possible violence could break out. He's such a sweet boy though and treats me like the little princess I am therefore I do believe he will behave for my sake. On to other 'irons'. Wait. Slight digression necessary..
I chose this post title because I liked the phallic implication of irons being plunged into my fire however the cockney meaning of 'iron' is a gay man (iron hoof- poof) and I wanted to make it quite clear that I am not using cockney. This has been a public service announcement. Back to your regular program..
So silver fox is separating from his wife and will get even more needy of my time now. My flatmate has asked me to move and silver fox has offered me his pied a terre for as long as I need it but if he is using it too.. It might get a bit close for me to being a serious relationship. He is well aware I date others and am unwilling to commit at this time. Sticky. Anyway, you are probably wondering how that dinner with Graydog went.
We met in Pimlico at one of the yummiest tapas places in London. Graydog had never had tapas so asked me to order for us. What would you young people like to eat? The waiter asked. We giggled and I ordered a feast for us. It was lovely and my boy didn't even mind eating pulpos de feira with me. Our table was so covered with food that we had to hold hands under the table but the affection and convo flowed easily with us until I asked about his recent unsettling news. My girlfriend from South Africa.. he began. I picked up my sangria and drained the glass, refilling it instantly. So this woman is coming to London in a few weeks to enjoy my lover for a month. Bugger. After dinner, I took Graydog to Nobu which we both thoroughly enjoyed. We've got a bit of a contest going for how many different places we can be identified as 'that couple snogging' and adding Nobu was sweet. We taxied back to his and he took my dress off to reveal an elegant corset with money stuffed into it (hadn't had time to wire it to my brother yet). We shagged and got all into the cliche of my Agent Provocateur lingerie, Chanel shoes, and a huge pile of money on the bed. Shagging with him is gorgeous. Neither of us even mentioned a condom for the first time and I broke another rule by barebacking. Oh dear.
So the next morning, after luring Graydog into another couple shags, I offered to take his flatmate to breakfast. Mr. Cap is a lovely boy. Sensitive, kind, and a great conversationalist, I forced a couple of breakfast pints on him before we moved on to a beer garden for a bottle of pinot noir. I would like to note here that we were not completely Thursday wastrels since we stopped in a shop for me to buy some really cute socks and I also managed to hook up with my favourite dealer. Woohoo! Mr. Cap and I headed back to his and Graydog's so I could chill for a bit before going out with my boss later that night. We stopped at an off license to get some wine and, without looking up, I asked the attendant if they had condoms for sale. Silence ensued and I looked. An eight year old girl sat there gaping at me and I gasped before turning red and pissing myself with laughter. Mr. Cap was beside himself as well. The mother came up to show us where the condoms are and we started laughing all over again when we spotted the ones labeled 'English Supporter'. Hysterical! So I shared some goodies with the other people in the house and then jumped a taxi to mine to prepare for an elegant evening with my boss. Good gods. Ended up at my twin's, off my face from substances and no food since breakfast. I was utterly rubbish to him and I am shocked he still wants to see me tonight. I guess he does think of me as his baby girl though and maybe I can be forgiven for being gattina cattiva. Maybe.
So what do you all think? Write off Graydog for being a bastard with a girlfriend? Can silver fox for being needy? Run from my twin for being a bad man and scary fighter? Rugby coach gets back to town next week and unless I cull, there are too many irons in the fire.

Fisticuffs

"Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest of violence." - Francis Jeffrey

Well, my dears, your lovable little Gattina has gotten herself into a more frightening adventure than usual.
-Gattina closes her eyes and massages her jacked up wrist while she tries to remember where it all bloody started.-
So you all pretty much know that I have an affinity for grotty pubs and rough people. I spent last weekend off my face on sniff and puff with someone I marginally knew before. We are purely drugmates and I did not realise he fancied me so much until... but I am getting ahead. At his, I happened upon a pair of serious looking handcuffs (this guy belongs to what is loosely referred to as 'The Jock Mafia') and started playing with them. Little kitten batting at twine, right? You can't put those on your wrist, he said. Sure I can, I said locking my right wrist into a cuff. There's no key you fool, he shouted while laughing and shaking his head. Bugger. I'll sort it later, I said and proceeded to get much more high.
The next morning, I woke up to see the damned thing on my wrist on my pillow and groaned. My flatmate called a cop for a key and said we could get it off hopefully at 19.00. Great. I went to Debs and spent a fun girly day with her and then went to the pub to meet my flatmate. Everyone thought it was funny, including me, until the key didn't work. What to do? Well, get pissed before going to the fire brigade and getting it cut off! My stalker was sitting with a mate and he shook his head in disappointment (he IS still trying to marry me and carry me off to Albania) while his mate started provoking me with dares to cuff him to me. One should not dare a girl like Gattina. I locked him to me and luckily with his left wrist so we could sit side by side and try to pick the locks. I only drink alcohol with my right hand so he was dragged along for every sip of my gin and tonic and had to follow me into the bathroom. He's terribly cute (you all realise I am speaking of my stalker's mate, right? Ok.) and chatted easily with the ladies as I bent his arm in with me to the WC. We were giving up on getting detached until the next day when my drugmate, Dyson, started getting jealous and humpy. Great. We decided to take directions to the nearest brigade and while talking with the barmaid, the door to the other side of the pub opened and Dyson charged through. He attacked my twin (we've decided to be twins since we were locked together... ) from the back. Dyson is a big man. A roofer with hands like hams but my twin is no stranger to violence. They crashed into a sofa with me dragging along watching my wrist sprain and then feeling a small bone break. You are hurting my arm! I shouted. Dyson took no notice but my twin did. He had been fighting Dyson off with one arm. We left as soon as possible and went to my twin's. He and my stalker talked in Albanian as we got the cuffs finally off. As soon as we were free, we went after them. Dyson had sent me several texts calling me a dirty gypsy prostitute and such and my arm was fucked so I am afraid my blood was up as well as my mates'. Yay, Europeans! We found Dyson, Debs, and her boyfriend (another mate of mine) at a taxi stand and I was relieved to see my boys pocket their knives before attacking. It was fast and horrible. The Jocks outweighed the Albanians by many stone but were beat in a moment. The saddest part is Debs shouting at me that it was all my fault. She still will not forgive me even though Dyson has apologised (I mean what kind of 'tough guy' attacks a man who is chained to a woman with his back turned?!) and the trouble seems over. No one is dead and no one is in jail. I still don't see why it started but I have a cracked wrist, a bruised rib, and some street cred (though who wants it?! I hate violence!), the Jocks have masks of bruises, and the Albanians are like biz as usual- you bring, you get. I wish I could say it stopped there but it didn't.
After we ran away from the cops (I scaled an 8 foot fence!), we went to my twin's to lay low. I was adrenalined from the fight and there was only one double bed soooo... We three, ummm, fooled around. My twin was totally cool but my stalker (there is a reason I call him stalker!) has flipped out. He feels I am his and so shared me once for his great love or summat but then demanded my twin to go away. As it happens, my twin has taken a liking to me and knows I am truly unclaimed by anyone so this started more problems. Ye gods! Dyson was texting threats to murder us all and went so far as to approach my twin's best mate in the middle of the road and wave a knife in his face (The guy had no idea about the fight so just said 'Fuck off, I am on the phone' and walked away. He is so fucking cool.) so we had an Albanian assembly to plan not to die. That was bloody intense and as I was the only one in communication with Dyson, I was unable to just be out of it. Things eventually started to look like they could get sorted so stalker and my twin didn't have to be at peace anymore. More violence broke out and I must say my twin is a seriously good fighter. Glad he seems to like being on my side!
I finally buggered off to silver fox's pied a terre where I could be in peace for a night. He will be here tonight and I can tell him the stories. Mostly. I met my twin today for a pint and we laughed alot about how all these men could fight over an unclaimed woman. I made him promise not to fight anyone today but I get a perverse smile knowing that he has, can, and would again fight for me and his own honour. Spending time with these kind of men is like cobra dancing. Thrilling and dangerous.
I am taking Graydog to dinner tomorrow night and I can't wait to be in his laid back presence. All this drama has made me hungry for an uncomplicated date!

Alternative Rugby Commentary- The Ten Commandments

"Sport is imposing order on what was chaos." - Anthony Starr

So what is my favourite sport? Sex. Next? Rugby. It seems a good idea to combine the two, even if a bit dangerous, however the rugby coach I have been flirting with is such a tosser I don't know if I can be asked! This does not disappoint me. Why? Because Graydog is taking such excellent care of me that I don't have the inclination or energy to chase that idiot rugby guy around! I am aware, my darlings, that as soon as I start getting all fulfilled by one person, I am in danger. My brother said of Graydog, you like him so run because I don't want to see you hurt again. So, I am trying to sort a few commandments for myself. The post heading refers to www.youtube.com/watch?v=cny1i4qyyMo

1. Drink and drug too much to be a good potential partner to someone.
2. Talk shit to potential partners about how promiscuous I am to frighten them off.
3. BE that promiscuous.
4. If the man in question has the upper hand, take it back.
5. Make sure other activities such as -gasp- work are more important.
6. If I find myself mooning over the way a man touches my face or satisfies my body or makes me laugh, distract myself with work and vices.
7. Focus on the faults (c'mon everyone has them!) of the man in question.
8. Take absolutely no advice from anyone who wishes me to fall in love and live happily ever after. They speaketh bullocks.
9. Dwell on past hurts and abandonments to fortify my 'I don't need anyone- I am GATTINA' position.
10. Remember not to cause harm to anyone if possible to avoid guilt and regret.

So now that you know my general game plan, let's get back to the fun details...
I met Graydog after work last night and was perhaps a bit overeager to get him somewhere private where I could enjoy him properly. On the tube and train to his, he touched me often and kissed me as he said, relax. I am high strung, why do I dig laid back men?! After a whole lot of shagging, we curled up and he slept. He is warm and comfortable and affectionate in his sleep... Uh-oh. Back to the commandments with me for being a fuckin'... Ok, anyhoo... He is blasted yummy and I am enjoying my time with him. That said, thank the gods I am getting back to work in a few days!!!
I am off for a drive in the country with my silver fox tomorrow. I'm still punishing him for being a manipulative cock but I can't wait to drive his Aston Martin around Sussex in the sunshine.
-Gattina edits a few lines and realises she has given this blog address to too many people that are mentioned in it.-
Well, if you can't take the truth with a laugh, you certainly should not know me! Here endeth the lesson for today...

I Would Walk 500 Miles...

"But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already." - Waiter Rant

What can be as smugly satisfying as targeting a person and pulling them? Ross and I hit the clubs Friday night. We started at The Slug @ Fulham and went right into double vodkas and charlie. I spotted a tall, dark, and lean hottie dancing and pointed him out to my brother. The music kicked ass but we were going deaf in there so decided to move on down the frog (bit of cockney for ya). My hottie had disappeared anyway.
We chose Club Havana which I first went to the night I met Roo. There was a queue and Ross pointed out my hottie at the front. Woohoo! The music was pretty good and we danced and danced. Near the end of the night, I approached my target for a dance. We moved well together and managed to chat and snog a bit as well. He's South African and I *ahem* had been missing that country. -Gattina tries unsuccessfully to stifle yet one more smug grin- He lives much nearer Fulham than I so my brother and I accepted his offer of hospitality and jumped on a night bus. The boys (Ross, Graydog, and his mate) ate crisps and I hit the water, uncomfortably aware that my new packet of charlie was melting in a pool of sweat next to my skin. Shit. At theirs, more mates showed up. One had fortuitously brought 4 big macs so my brother got real sustenance before passing out on a chair while the rest of us attempted to dry out my ruined gram.
Graydog and I went into his room for private time and I was SHOCKED! After a full night of partying, the guy still managed to shag me 7 times or so with his gorgeous, hot cock and I even broke my rule (it's my rule, I'll break it if I want!) to taste his hotness. We had a one hour kip and then Ross and I made our way up to Notting Hill to see Portobello Road market and mack out on some really good sushi in last night's party clothes. I bought some necessary sunshades and my brother got gifts for friends. I left a message thanking Graydog for the hot shag, pointedly not giving him my number. I was so high on being in control and, smug bitch that I am, wanted to stay that way. Hehe. The fact is though, I can't bloody wait to tap that again!
My brother got home safely and I spent yesterday playing moderator between my flatmate and his girl. She rang me to wake me up and we went for a walk in the park. I still hadn't bathed and was in tiny shorts but hey, she needed to chat and what are mates for?! The rugby coach I had met texted apologies to me for his terrible state and Debs and I spent some time torturing him and making new ducky jokes (I can't seriously be asked to explain that one!). My flatmate called me down to the pub so I went, in those same silly clothes and grotty body! Oh sakes! Made it home eventually and trotted over to the neighbours' for a dance/drink-a-thon. I cannot express the great pleasure and relief I had climbing into a warm bubble bath this afternoon! Oh yeah, did I tell you I pulled a hot South African and shagged him 7 times??!! Hahaha... trumpets! (www.visit4info.com/advert/Jelly-Snakes-Bring-on-the-Trumpets-Jelly-Sweets/62733)

P.s.

I forgot to share this wee anecdote: last night on the train home, an extremely inebriated woman basically collapsed on my back between incomprehensible phone calls. The people around, including my brother, laughed but I just said, 'As long as she doesn't puke on my Chanel jacket, I'm good!' Party on, London!

It Wisnae Me!

"How use doth breed a habit in a man!" - William Shakespeare

Ok, Ross and I are back from Scotland and crawling all over London! There's nothing like having a guest to make you appreciate where you live. Today we walked over London Bridge and, even though I have crossed this bridge many times, I was truly aware of it for the first time.
Yesterday, I had lunch with my silver fox while Ross shopped in Bond Street (sometimes he's sooooo Italian, my brother!) and we realised too late that September 11th was perhaps not a good day to visit the American embassy. Sorry, but over here it's really not on the radar and even my American brother looked up quizzically and asked why the flag was at half-mast. Oops. We went back up to one of my favourite pubs to chill and wait for my dealer. Good to catch up with him and I managed to also meet a rugby coach who also teaches music (THE HAKA IS THE SEXIEST THING ON EARTH! www.allblacks.com/index.cfm?layout=haka) and made a date for next week. Habits: I must say that mine are omnipresent! Hehe.
Ross and I are trying to settle for a kip before hitting the city for our token club night. I can't wait to be wandering down the streets of Fulham (or Clapham, or Brixton, or Vauxhall) giggling our buns off, pissed as rats and broke!
We were to hang with mia bestia tonight but he has had a horrid flu for days so we'll maybe just check in on him at his before tearing up this town! As my schoolteacher says, Rock and Roll!

Friends

"Never explain- your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

I am in Edinburgh with my wee brother. We have taken on new names for our foray into this new country. He is Ross and I am Monica. We tried to take on my flatmates surname but he did not want us sullying his illustrious name so he offered us this: McTeuchter. It's a sassenach ('lowlander') way to say 'highlander'. It's killing us with laughter!
There have been many adventures since my last post but little time to record them. Valentina met my silver fox and we did London proper by starting at the Berkeley Blue Bar where I spent a good hour chasing the dealer around and then headed to Umu where we failed to appreciate the elegant atmosphere and food. After that, we went to Nobu where I got a bloody nose. What can I say? Class! Valentina liked my guy. Thinks I should marry him (she always thinks that when she meets my guys) or at least get busy wringing him for profit. I have never been the kind of woman who schemes so her advice is unfortunately lost on me. Oh well.
I also spent a mad night with Matteo where we hosted a going away party for a mate of hours with two huge habits- charlie and puttane. It was total ruination but also something I would not have missed for anything! My brother and I will meet up with Matte for dinner next week and I can't wait to see mia bestia...
The days blurred together in their usual fashion until Ross arrived. I met him at Paddington and we spent the 2 hour, 4 tube/train ride home catching up. I have missed him so much that I may have him kidnapped! We went out together with my silver fox and Ross likes him. He thinks a genuine nice guy who is interested in my well-being might be just what I need.
So, I spent the next days corrupting my sweet brother and then we headed off for North Yorkshire. I texted with some of my boys (schoolteacher, silver fox, and Navy lieutenant) but before and on this holiday, I find a huge difference in their approaches. My silver fox is almost smothering me, my lieutenant is distant, and my schoolteacher is perfectly in the middle. Men. My flatmate is here and his girlfriend joined us for a couple days. They fell out so he has been humpy here in Scotland but I am still happy to have him here. All in good fun and here endeth the lesson for today. Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch..

Girl Interrupted

"My darkness, are you lonely? Only listen, and I will listen to you. Only watch me, and I will watch into your eyes. Only know that I am awake and aware of you, only be my friend, and I will be your friend. You need not ever fear; or ever be lonely; or ever want for love." - James Agee

Well even the best laid plans go awry, they say, so I guess it shouldn't crush me so much that I am not in Italy right now soaking up the sun. I probably shouldn't have been so hard on Cri for cancelling last minute either but I am thoroughly sick of being messed about. I have pretty much decided that there is a law of nature at work here. It seems that every time I am accommodating or overly kind to a man, they take advantage. If I am stand-offish and unattainable, they grovel and chase like hungry dogs. I am, of course, aware that this epiphany for me is old school knowledge but I guess I just wanted to believe that human relations in one of the largest and most cosmopolitan cities on earth would be more evolved. Stupid kitten.
So who is the front runner on the guy front this week? My silver fox, no doubt. Here are the reasons: we shopped well together at Whole Foods and I cooked a palatable but not brilliant meal for him which he did not over compliment or get too disappointed over. Easy honesty- how novel! We've had two hot shags since I last posted and he was perfectly ok with the fact that I was way hotter the second time when I was off my face on charlie and even tried to stay up all night with me after. He is generous, fun, and asks about my interests in detail. We've both dreamed of owning restaurants and spend alot of time discussing ideas. He is much more practical than I am so the discussions are well-balanced and very interesting. He's a good guy. We'll just have to see how things progress.
So this weekend is going to be a wild one! Two birthdays: wild Yorkshireman is turning 22 and a gal friend is having a blow out party as well. Since I have had I think 3 all nighters in the past week or so, I am laying low until then. I spent Saturday night on a drug combo that would've terrified me in the past! Yikes! Your Gattina now needs her beauty rest!
The quote I used in today's post is Roo-related. It's sad and stupid but I am still yearning. I know it will cease eventually but when, darlings? When?

A Sunny Day in London-town

"Hmmm. Like to, tho i think i'm too broke down, beat up, and burnt out to keep up with you!" - Reuben Wiseman

Yes, I still think of Reuben. Every day. Sick. Anyhooo...
Life continues at it's frantic pace and yet I feel much more centered since being employed and settling into a more normal dating life. I am also crawling around the Underground working on a project for my cousin that is exciting not only for the break in my routine, but also because it is marginally against the rules. -Gattina adjusts her 'Michelle of the French resistance' sunshades and scarf and checks to be positive the flash is turned off on her camera while teetering on the dreaded escalator. Drugs + stilettos + escalator = possible damage/death!- You see, taking photos in the Tube is tricky. The stations are private property but as long as you use no flash or tri-pod and don't block the flow of commuters, you're usually ok. Up the ante with a gram of charlie on your person and now we're talking work-a-day thrills! I don't want to be misleading just for entertainment however since my cousin is probably having kittens right about now so to be honest, I've done most of the work so far without the enhancement (or possession) of drugs. No worries.
I am dating only a couple people these days- needed to slow down for a week or two. Here's the major players this week: my Navy Lieutenant and someone I have not properly introduced yet. I'll go ahead and call him my silver fox and he was also proposal number eight. He's in his fifties, extremely successful, and married. I have not shagged him yet and am still undecided where that will go at this point. Last night I had promised to cook him a fantastic dinner but when I didn't feel like it, he was absolutely fine with it and took me to a lounge and then a lovely restaurant in Belgravia. He didn't negatively comment on my frequent trips to the loo for bumps and didn't get the slightest bit angry when I bled out of my nose on his white duvet at some point during the night. As I struggled against falling asleep last night I tried to explain to him that he didn't want the responsibility of someone like me and he listened patiently. The fact is he's looking for a relationship- someone to leave his wife for so maybe it is me that doesn't want the responsibility.
My officer is the opposite. He likes seeing me and while he offered to marry me too, is really a 'good time guy'. We see each other maybe once a week and text every day or two. I need to be careful not to get seduced into another chasing game. Screw that.
I am to go to Italy in less than 10 days and then my brother comes! I truly cannot wait! My other brother, Xaviour, is still considering moving over here and that would be the absolute best. I am missing my siblings even though I have such wonderful friends here. Oh, my silver fox has promised me a sponsored slot in the London marathon in the spring so it's time to get back to training as well. I smile just thinking about that mile 22 fatigue. Gods, I am one sick little kitty!

An Officer and a Gentleman

"Girls today don't banish the girl who has sex, but they do if she has sex with two men when they have only one. They may accept sex but still police one another to be sure no one gets more than her share." - Nancy Friday


I only have a moment but did want to pop in to report that my date with the sailor (who's actually an officer thus the post title) went very well. I like him. I must say that under his unassuming, almost submissive veneer is quite a dominant and strong will. Interesting.
I also wanted to update you all on the marriage proposal body count. I am now up to 9! :) Nutters!
I'm out for a date tonight with the man who proposed eighth (while doing my wash and cooking me dinner no less- certainly scored points there!) and as it is a gorgeous day, we are meeting in Chelsea for drinks at Gordon's Wine Bar before dinner and I am hoping for a stroll through the Embankment gardens. I'm back to work tomorrow for the weekend so I will update early next week. Hope you are all quite well! Baci!

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

"I figure... if I can remember all their names, then I am not a slut." - Anonymous (Post Secret)

Sorry I have taken so long to update but the last couple of weeks have been MENTAL! So, I worked the London motor show at Excel and it was alot like I expected- summer camp for adults! 14 straight days of 10 hour shifts and 10 hour parties after. I have been in every Mazda boot made (yes, I fit perfectly in the MX-5 boot as well!), we played 'Hide the Sweet' in the cars, had an ice fight at the hotel (we almost got thrown out on 3 separate occasions), and I spent a night curled up with Englishman #1 in a single bed with another couple in the one next to us. :)
I know it seems that all I do is party these days but please note that I was rewarded and praised for my hard work and knowledge by my peers and superiors. It was a pleasure to work hard and get results so hooray for a little confidence building! My colleagues were really fun people and welcomed me into the group with open arms. Yes, that includes Englishman #1! We were all out at the pub next to the exhibition center a few nights in and I noticed he was paying alot more attention to me than usual and I liked it. We had some good convo and chemistry so when we got back to the room I was sharing with another girl, we peeked in and found she wasn't there. Bonus! We didn't waste any time and had pretty much destroyed the room (Englishmen aren't always cold though they ARE polite- 'Are you alright?' was a new one for me in the sack... ) when my roommate opened the door and said my name. E #1 zipped off into the loo while I laughed and donned his jumper. The girl and her boyfriend came in smiling and he called out, 'You can come out mate!' Classic! The guy I had shagged has a girlfriend so unfortunately things were not too comfortable between us for the rest of the the assignment but that's ok.
The next night, we were out as a group again at the same pub which I suppose we can label as our temporary local and I offered a floater my sofa bed (I had switched to a double room alone that day). The guy was tall lean and cute and yep, English! I was curious about this English politeness thing and was happy to give him a try. He was a great shag with a huge cazzo but I was really confused by the utter gratitude he showed in bed. This is not a bad thing but was unexpected I guess. I am accustomed to European men- confident, entitled, and experienced. I spoke with the other gals on the stand and we decided there was only one thing for it- take a survey of Englishmen to see if they were all this way. The survey consisted of 5 questions:
1. Are you English? Duh.
2. Are you polite in bed? Yes, No, Depends
3. Fantasy location for sex?
4. Fantasy outfit on a girl for sex?
5. Are you Dom, sub, or switch?
We had so much fun asking these questions! So the results:
1. Duh.
2. Yes- 37%, Depends- 37%, No- 26%
3. Most popular were a tie between 'On a Beach' and 'On an Aircraft'. Oddest was 'On a Catamaran at Full Speed'.
4. Most popular was 'Naked'?! Oddest was 'Parking Attendant'.
5. Dom- 10%, Sub- 10%, Switch- 80%
I hope this information is useful to you all and informs any decision to try one (or 3) out. So on to Englishman #3, a sailor in HRM's Royal Navy. It had to happen eventually that I would come down to breakfast and say I woke up to a sailor in my bed! He's a sweet puppy and I am fairly sure at this point that I could never be truly serious about an Englishman but I am still going on a date with him tonight. It's all in good fun my darlings! I've got alot of work coming up and then a trip to Italy and a visit from my brother. Yay! BTW, funny little side note here- E#2 and the sailor have the same first name, thus the quote on the top of this post. If I just stick with a few names I won't be in danger of being a slut after all! It's brilliant! Hehe.

Transitions

"Promise I will be forever yours. Promise not to say another word. Never mind, what's done is done. Always was a lucky one." - Foo Fighters

I am trying all kinds of new things these days. I am seeking out my boundaries. As I walked through the park with Riccardo this morning from his, I pointed out where I run, where I was proposed to by my stalker a few days ago, and where I cry... then I realised that I haven't gone there to cry in days. So let me start this post by introducing some new characters and dismissing others.
I have finally released Reuben. My heart is still his but I have now passed into the phase of not trying to push my esteem on him. I honestly hope he gained something pleasant from our time together and now I will keep my pain away from him. It is the only thing I can think of to give to him at this point. So I remain helpless but resigned on that front. On to other things...
I have not been shagging much lately. Murad was my last for weeks (until Riccardo) and he did come to visit me Sunday but I don't know, maybe just felt overwhelmed by the 7 marriage proposals I have had in the last weeks. One of those was from Murad and when I asked why, he listed my nice hands (apparently an Algerian criterion) as one reason. While chatting with Riccardo ( I know you don't know who he is yet but be patient my darlings), he made a cheeky comment that I must be a living goddess or else they are putting something in our water. Sir Satire suggested that the influx of marital interest is based on my vulnerability. All I know is that I remain honoured but confused on that front.
In the last days, I have had a variety of experiences. Couldn't get with cyber-sex boy because of work commitments so started getting restless. Found my Riccardo in a web community we both belong to and enjoyed chatting with him so much that I just had to go there! He is my neighbour as well so how convenient is that?! Complete coincidence and we get along very well so hopefully you will learn more about him in the future. For now, I will say he has a wonderfully active mind and a cazzo bello and that will have to suffice.
So I went to my girl, Valentina's on Thursday and we bought some fantastic charlie while I got a haircut. The night ended oddly but we are cool so it's all good. London living is mad!
Emilio's birthday was yesterday but still felt I need to stay away. I will try to see him tomorrow. Cri is anxious to see me again and is trying to sort a visit to me while I am working and I am going back to Italia in mid August. So much to do but tonight I am chilling at home while my flatmate makes us dinner...

A Soak in the Tub

"After all, one knows one's weak points so well, that it's rather bewildering to have the critics overlook them and invent others." - Edith Wharton

Sud?! Alex asked me at our daily crossword session today. Yeah, like from the wash, I responded. You never get just one sud! Fine, I conceded the clue must indeed be sad instead of sud. I booked the hotel in Oxford for tomorrow night, he said, we have two twin beds in one room. Is that alright? I giggled. My sweet flatmate can be so old-fashioned sometimes. I am remembering all the mad nights in my house in the states where 4 or 5 people crammed their way into my double bed for a sleep. Just fine, I said as I wrote in 'altitude'. I am glad Alex is in a good mood with me after the last few days. Let me explain...
I got another job. It pays well and is contract based and is for an automobile company here. Nice to be driven again. Hehe. Anyway, training day was Wednesday and after, Alex and Debs took me out to celebrate my new employed status. We went for tapas and I managed to eat a large quantity of seafood in between visits to the loo with Debs. I didn't have that much charlie left but we made do. The place was closing so I suggested we go to the Mexican joint for mojitos. Alex has decided the Albanians are trouble so refused but Debs and I were up so I texted down to make us drinks and stay open. Alex got humpy and tried to impose a curfew on me. Debs defended me which ended with her storming out with me trailing and trying to make peace. We hopped a cab while Alex walked home. Eek. The Albanians wanted us to go for a bit of an after party but we went all feminist and walked each other home instead.
The next night, I told a fib about playing pool to go back down. Alex can be such a cop! I sat at the bar while Beny had a meeting and chatted with Emilio. Why did your friend ask for my number? He asked. Oh, gods, I need more wine for that question, I responded. I can't, he said, he's my cousin. I would love to but can't. Sure, I understand. I blushed! I went into the loo for a bump and then went for a cigarette intending to leave after. As I smoked, my stalker walked by and paused. Fuck. I rushed back into the bar and he followed. What's wrong? Emilio asked. I explained and he said not to worry, they would look after me. Aww... Stalker sat next to me (turns out, btw, he is Albanian also) so I went to the upstairs bar. He tried to follow but my guys told him it was a private party. So he sat and watched the stairs all night. I was trapped upstairs for the duration but had fun flirting with the bartenders and dancing. Emilio and Beny checked on me regularly and I felt completely helpless. I like Emilio. I want to go on a date with him instead of just a shag and it is the first time I have felt like that since Roo. Can't see how to work that out though. Jeepers.
The next night I met up with Alex to play pool. We listened to 60's music and laughed our tails off. There is a weird old guy that hangs in my local and this anecdote must be reported. Did you reach in your pocket today? A guy at the bar shouted to him. This means 'have you paid for a drink today?'. Of course, I have a wank every day! The man responded. I don't think I potted a ball after that, I was laughing too hard! So random!
I had dinner alone and worked on learning job stuff. I stopped by the Mexican place to thank the guys for looking out for me. The atmosphere was a little tense so I'm going to stay away for awhile. This will not be difficult. My plans with shy artist fell through since he is suffering pretty badly right now and needs to heal. Alex and I are going to Oxford instead to visit Valentina where she is pretending to detox. Gods, I love that girl!
Monday, my cyber-sex companion is coming up for a picnic and a shag in the park. Toddalicious says stranger sex rocks so I can't wait to report! Stay tuned...
P.s. Due to increased water, exercise, detox tea, and vitamins, your Gattina is getting sorted physically so cheers to your health and mine!

Lying in my Cage (Bound and Abandoned)

"If suffer we must, let's suffer on the heights." -Victor Hugo

Every few nights, I walk alone in the woods and weep for at least an hour and mourn. I mourn for the loss of Reuben, the loss of our baby, and the loss of my sanity. I weep across the ocean to my brother and I weep across time to my own, lost self.
I smile and laugh the rest of the time. I sleep with whoever/whenever and do any/every drug at hand while getting pissed off my face as well. I try not to contact Reuben but fail at times and his harsh responses only fuel my self-destruction. The funny thing is that while lost in this horrid fog, I have had three marriage proposals. What about this pathetic state makes me attractive and 'mate material'?
In other more fun news, I had the best cyber-sex ever with a guy I met for about 5 minutes in Tunbridge Wells which resulted in an orgasm that twitched and tingled me even more than my daily DT's! Fantastic! Gods, I needed that!
The average bet on my mortality is 32 years old but surely my friends (as usual) overestimate me so we'll see. My shy artist is going through a bad time so I hope to go down to the country and commiserate with him this coming weekend. Murad calls me daily and I hope to see him this week. Texted one of Roo's friends, Scotty, yesterday to see if he would get together for a chat about Roo but he didn't respond. Ok, so I get guy code (see Albania) but he didn't have such a problem when he was feeling up my ass and kissing my face gently when Reuben was out of town! When did boys become the fickle, secretive ones?!
I am thinking on the proposals to me and certainly I could use looking after. I've always feared commitment (especially marriage), but can anyone put Gattina in a cage that is more restricting than the one she has built for herself?

Art and Life, Imitating

"Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere." - G.K. Chesterton

Well, my dears, I got sacked this morning for not coming home last night. Whoopsie! Ah well, back to good old London. So here's the latest...
I went to Murad's for dinner. He cooked me risotto con funghi, fava beans in Egyptian sauce, asparagus, salad, and chocolate soufflé with fresh strawberries. Yummm... I was completely disoriented by not cooking myself but spent the time drinking so that's alright. We shagged and shagged and I got home around 8.00 for a run. Nice. The guy likes to go at it even more often than I do! A few times a night and in the morning as well. Good gods. It's all to the good but he is hung and I get sore!
I've been working like a dog so was looking forward to the weekend in London for Alex's birthday and a girls' night with Valentina and company at Fire in Vauxhall. I got to London Bridge and Alex and I went for a late lunch and a bottle of wine. He took my rucksack back to Sydenham and I tubed it to West Kensington. I found my friends getting ready for dinner and the club and we all laughed at how I was dressed like a cute little dyke. Fire is a gay bar so it just seemed the right thing! After dropping half a tab of E, we went to a restaurant where we know the manager. We sat out in the lovely garden and drank champagne. Everything was comped which made it even more shameful that after another half, Valentina and I got chastised and almost ejected for snogging at the table. We didn't mean any harm, we just felt good! We got to the club early and went through a police search. We knew the club would be raided because of the 6 police cars outside but we were determined to hear some great music and see some hot naked men! We dropped some more tabs (I had at least 3 through the night) and I started getting stupid high. The lights were tripping me and Valentina kept trying to gently straighten me out. Guardia in mi gli'occhi, guardia bella!
We went outside to smoke and made friends with a guy from the show 'Big Brother' who is being investigated for his possibly racist behaviour on the show. He was utterly sweet to me. He held me up and helped me find Valentina after snogging me on the middle of the dance floor. Cool. We ladies got into it a bit with the coat check folks and then made it back to a friend's flat. We hit the charlie and drank even more booze that we didn't need. I was USELESS! Valentina and I decided to go to hers where we annoyed her ex and got some sleep. Okay, I slept and she ralphed all morning. My mobile and credit cards were at the other flat so thank the gods Valentina had been using my Oyster card to cut the blow and I was able to get back. We somehow spent/lost all my money but I made it back to Alex's and took a bath before heading down to Tunbridge Wells. I was shattered so went to the pub and met Murad who took me to a nice hotel for a whole lot of hanky-panky.
The next day, after work, I went to the pub again and met some wild guys who took me to a bar round the way. Drinks were free and we were downing Laphroig like water. I played a game of chess with a sweet artist (yes, of course I won!) and tried to stay upright. Murad was lookiing for me though and happens to be barred from that place so I went back to my local. I don't remember much after that but I know there was Thai food and another hotel. I got back to mine this morning in time to get sacked. Guess I will have to travel to get that date with my shy artist though he is meeting me in a few moments to say goodbye so maybe he'll come on up to the big city. I AM still missing England...

The Alphabet

"Great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment." - Baltasar Gracian

Kent. Beautiful green countryside, huge blue skies, a ton of work, and friendly locals. Algeria- check marked and highly recommended! You may be asking yourself if Gattina is now attacking her list of countries alphabetically. Nope, pure coincidence! So lets look over the last few days. I moved here Sunday and I wasn't supposed to meet my boss until the next morning but she arrived just after me at the house. Her children were there as well to see her after the absence so I skipped off to a pub the boy recommended to watch Italia vs. Espania. An aside- I am sitting in the same pub at this moment and it is so cool, a converted opera house! I got to the pub a few minutes early and picked a table in the center to watch my team. A large group of Spaniards took the table in front of me, put up a Spanish flag, and then proceeded to serenade me in Spanish. They were sweet guys and forgave me my allegiance since I am apparently the only girl ever to care about a football match. By halftime, I had several people sitting at my table, mostly from North Africa and speaking French. The Spaniards found this amusing, as did the Brits sitting next to me that were trying to coax me over to the club next door. Oy! Gattina felt so popular but she just wanted to WATCH THE GAME! I have been really into football and rugby of late. Probably fueled by the memory of Reuben, nude, doing the... ahem.
The man immediately to my right at my table was from Algeria. His name is Murad though he goes by an English name here. Tall, lean, and sweet and a master chef to boot! We exchanged numbers, he walked me home while we smoked a spliff, and...
So this morning as I was trying to wake up and get home from his at 5.00, I saw him bending down to get some trainers and thought: 'My gods, he could be Reuben in 10 years!' So will I ever stop comparing/contrasting my lovers with Roo?! -sighs- I am getting ahead of myself again...
The night after we met, I stayed home with my boss and went for 3 very long walks. The last one I did alone so that I could weep in the trees and brambles. I am not healed from the events of the last months and sometimes, it just takes over. Murad and I decided to meet up last night but first I had to cook dinner for my boss, her daughter, and my coworker. She requested risotto and I was happy to oblige. I also collected lettuces from the garden and made a lovely dill/yogurt dressing and fresh croûtons. After, I took off to meet my new friend and we ended up on a little tour of Royal Tunbridge Wells that ended at his and included him stealing me a beautiful red rose on the walk. His flatmate is from Pakistan and we had a lovely discussion on music and poetry but Murad wanted to have me to himself so we went in his room. He was passionate and considerate and fucked me in French. I have only two complaints. Number one: he is circumcised and number two: we broke a condom (not his fault but still a complaint- what's the use of me demanding condom use if they just fail?!). After an energetic and enjoyable shag, he made me an omelet! I am always the cook these days so I had forgotten how sexy good technique with a saute pan can be! I loved watching him cook and passed the time texting Valentina and asking him why everyone in this town knows him. He must be a bad man but he is so darling, I don't mind. He lent me a book and put me in a taxi so that I could get home before anyone else got up. I changed into my running clothes just in the nick and went for an hour long run on the trails. Brill!
I think I will go to London this weekend and bricklayer wants to catch up. He dumped his girlfriend so I dunno since I get the scary feeling he's trying to maneuver into position for a blow job. I texted him this yesterday:
"Single's great- more shags & less shit, but u gotta do protection, sweetie! X"
Guess I should also have told him to by extra-strength!

Vampyres in London

"It is by no means self-evident that human beings are most real when most violently excited; violent physical passions do not in themselves differentiate men from each other, but rather tend to reduce them to the same state." - Thomas Elliot

Before we get to England (Yorkshire to be more specific), I was informed that my comments on Albania were not really comprehensive. Part of this is because I don't remember that much but it was pretty funny and actually leads to an important condom discussion so let's revisit Albania, shall we? Earlier in the day, Beny had dropped by mine while I was taking some sun in the garden. I was feeling impulsive so took him up for a shag. He had no condoms and I was out so I sent him away. He hadn't cared one way or the other but I DO! Further discussion on that in a bit. He texted me later to ask me to come down to his work and added that he had acquired condoms. Alex and I went down and had about a dozen tequilas while I bantered with Beny and his cousin, Emilio. I sent Alex home and went with the Albanians to a park to drink beer with a group of their friends. Matteo was shocked to hear this- don't you know Albanians are dangerous?! They're all criminals! I laughed. Anyway, Emilio is the one who gave me his trousers and jumper. He put my shoes on for me while I told him he was beautiful. He thanked me handsomely and I started crushing on him. Tall, lean, and shy- just the way I like 'em! Too bad Beny had apparently claimed me. Bummer. So, Beny's the one that bit my neck to hell and shagged me- yes, protected! I went a couple nights ago with my girl, Debs, down to the restaurant to return Emilio's jumper and damn if I hadn't forgotten his name. Oops. So when Debs attempted to get his digits for me, it didn't happen. He looked a little wistful when I left, knowing I move today, but it's cool, I understand guy code- no poaching on his cuz. Beny has been calling alot but I am refusing to see him. Honestly, NO INTEREST!
So everyone I saw poked my neck and asked who'd been chewing on me except Roo. Props to him. That includes my kiddo from Yorkshire who I saw a couple days later. Met him in Wimbledon at his local and had a beer and watched Germany play while waiting for his football team. I went with them to watch and the bricklayer played a decent goalie but their team still lost. I have been deemed bad luck. We went back to the pub and slammed pints until the pub closed. Kiddo and I walked out and down the road a ways until he pulled me into an alley for some hanky-panky. Cool, I'm up for public adventures.
He put me up against some kind of storage bin and got my pants off and my shirt open. He held me down by the arms and chewed me up! Good gods, he bit up my face, my neck, and my chest while digging his fingers into my hips! That's all ok but when he started being rough with my wolftrap, I had to intervene. It's a pussy, love, be gentle with it! He went down on me and showed pretty good skills for such a young'un but then he expected reciprocation. I have mentioned repeatedly that is for BOYFRIENDS only! Not shags. Boyfriends. He wasn't taking no for an answer and tried to force me. Good luck, kid. He changed tactics and tried to talk me into it, I could be your boyfriend, he said. I clamped my jaw to stifle a full on laugh. He gave up on that and decided to get his (rather nice) cock inside me. I actually sighed. Condom, I commanded. I don't use them, he said. Oh for fuck's sake!!! This is London! Everyone is shagging like animals and we don't even know each other! Get a grip! He insisted and I refused. He got rough and for just a moment there, I was honestly concerned I couldn't stop him. He had gotten my shirt down around my arms to pin me and using my legs was tricky since I was standing against a bin. I did, however, manage to repel him and get control of the situation. I had forgotten I guess how strong hormones can make a guy that age! My Scottish friends have since told me I should've known because Yorkshiremen are all animals. Ok. So back to current events...
After the restaurant, Debs and I went to roll on E with some of my friends. That shit was polluted, probably ketamine but it was still an ok night. I have been laying low and resting since. I move to Kent in just a few hours and am looking forward to it. Roo says he will visit in July and I am also going to Treviso for a weekend in July to see my lovely CriCri and friends. He is going to arrange for one of my fantasies to be fulfilled! He's so good to me. I won't tell you the fantasy until it's done but trust me, it will be entertaining reading so stay tuned...

World Sex Tour

"In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact."  - Marlene Dietrich

Sex, sex, sex...  So much sex and yet no satiation.  RKD came down for dinner and a shag and we went for a nice brunch the next morning.  I spent the next couple days completely off my head on booze and charlie so it's a bit of a blur but I managed to celebrate Italia's win by checkmarking Albania.  Not recommended (from what I recall anyway since I don't remember much after putting on someone's trousers and jumper in a park but woke with a monster hickey on my neck) and so I was extra happy to spend last night with mia bestia again!  We met up for Thai food but I had to leave in the middle of the meal to catch up with Reuben at the bar and table where we first met.  It was wonderful to see his beautiful face again and I somehow managed not to beg him to hold my hand or kiss me or love me...

He dropped me at Matte's and I leapt on my friend as he smoked a spliff on the couch.  How did it go, he asked as he undid his trousers.  Both of miei uomini have been quite sympathetic about my situation.  They don't like to see my heart hurting and I love them even more for that compassion!  I told him I was ok and so we took it upstairs since Matteo's friend, LoLo, is staying with him for a bit and we didn't want to shock the poor boy.  We had a lovely shag ending with his favourite thing and then we curled up together for a contented sleep.  My beast woke in the middle of the night wanting more of my mouth (thank goodness because my culo was ruined!) and I was happy to oblige.  I woke this morning to the sound of my darling boy in the shower and smiled.  I have always enjoyed being with Matte in his home and the familiarity made me happier than I have been of late.  I am hanging around his for the day, trying to recover.  My ulcers are aching and I am rather twitchy.  Odd.  I am meeting the bricklayer tonight for a shag so I'll let you all know how that goes.  I am moving to Kent on Sunday so hopefully, the fresh air and slower pace will do me some good.  I will still have the weekends in London so don't worry, there will be plenty of mischief for me to write about!

All Over the Board

"We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are." - Tobias Wolff

I'm in a pub in London. The sky is grey. I'm eating peanuts and drinking vodka. So what's new, right? I got back from Malta Wednesday and left directly to visit Valentina. I wondered how I would possibly stay up for a chat when she brought me a 'welcome home' gift that got us up and moving to the pub down the road. Probably the best I've had! I was feeling pretty low since arriving in 'Reuben-land' but she has been a staunch supporter of 'oh for fuck's sake, he's nothing- move on!' This is a strange time of year for my ex- Roo and I tried to reach out to him in friendship but he rejected me again. I am ok with just being friends now but apparently he is sore.
I have been offered 2 jobs. One in Kent (an hour out of London by train) and one in Italia. I don't know what to do but will have it sorted by the end of the weekend.
Anyway, we met a boy at the pub that Valentina has dubbed 'Random Builder Guy'. He's cute and rough and sooooo inexperienced (He's 21!). He's actually a bricklayer and that just cracks me up for some reason... He's proper English and we are looking forward to ruining him though I get first crack since I am missing England. Hehe.
Ditched RKD in northern London tonight because it was just too damned far. I have been on public transportation for most of my waking hours the last 2 days. A bit of a fuck is just not worth another train plus the tube tonight, sorry. As I mentioned, it is raining as well!
Matte wants a rendezvous and I also had a chance to fill the 'Lebanon' slot the other night but decided against. Might revisit, after all, the weekend looms!
I think I will try to drop the books I have been saving for Reuben at his while he is gone for the weekend and then work on this, seemingly interminable, list of countries! A woman's work...

Maltese Man-Parts

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

Ok, so I was curious! Our favourite restaurant manager sat down next to me at the table and slipped me his mobile number. Alex hit the loo (actually he took a wrong turn into the wine cellar along with a Dutch guy who was basically blind and deaf) and the manager told me how beautiful I looked tonight. I was feeling pretty spiffy in trouser shorts, bustier top, stilettos, and suit jacket- all in black to offset my red décolletage! Hehe. We drank way too much black sambuca and my pal sent me into the wine cellar to prove my prowess (as a wine connoisseur, for now). I returned with a lovely Sardinian varietal that is not really well known but would follow nicely the Maltese Cabernet Franc we had just finished. The manager was shocked, and impressed! I blushed under my sunburn with pleasure. I decided then to take him out for a test drive. He drove us home, as usual, and I insisted I needed a swim. Alex got creepy saying he would go get the car but I said, no I am sure our friend wouldn't mind taking me. He, of course, agreed and we ran out of the house like teenagers fleeing my cranky grandpa toting a 9-gauge! Yikes! The language reverted to Italiano for the rest of the evening and I enjoyed listening to the softer island version from someone trying to talk me into sex.
We tore around the island in his cabriolet before settling on a spot near the beach. We blasted Maltese music (Arabic/Spanish/Italian, etc.) and snogged violently. He got my pants down and his head wedged between my legs in a jiff! Well! Nice skills and I was impressed by his ability to navigate the, usually awkward, car-sex logistics. Then it happened. He undid his trousers and pulled my hand down. WTF?! This really would not do! I mean, not every guy has to be cavallo mio o miei uomini but for fuck's sake! He tried to pull my head into his lap and, even if I didn't already have this rule I would have claimed it, I said no. He wasn't bothered. He pleasured me for a while longer and then took me home. He will be in Londres next week and wants to take me out. We'll see.
So last night, prompted by reading la repubblica all day, I was hyped to watch Italia vs. Nederlands. We ate at a FANTASTIC Sicilian restaurant and then went to some weird place Alex likes to watch the game. Feeling cocksure, I made a nice little bet with Patrik on the game and then watched in horror as my team put on a diva display. Not amused, I read the many gloating texts of my pal who is actually at the games without me. Fuck, I said as we left the bar, I'm gonna have to marry the bastard now for sure. Damn it. I am also trying desperately to get work anywhere in the UK and have a couple leads. Fingers crossed!

Mo-Town Mama in Malta

"What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print." - Isadora Duncan

Well, well... our heroine is in a new place again! I am actually staying on an island next to Malta called Gozo. The sky and sea are jewel-hued variations on blue and the buildings are pale beige limestone. David Niven said Malta was a sod of a place but, unless he is referring to the alcohol consumption here, I disagree. I have only been compelled to text Roo once and that was yesterday while swimming in the Blue Lagoon of Camino Island. Stunning. I swim 2-4 times a day and can't get enough! I breathed in about half of the Inland Sea yesterday so I am coughing and a bit icky tumms today but it is well worth it. I had been playing handball in the water with a young Maltese boy (maybe 7 or 8 years old) and he lost his goggles. Opening your eyes repeatedly in salt water is not recommended! Also, keep your mouth closed! Ugh. I slept for 12 hours or so last night while Alex went back to the restaurant where we are most, umm, well-known. The manager has driven us home twice though Alex walked home last night. I was kinda glad to skip last night since the night before, the (married with 2 kids) manager had been playing footsie with me under the table and trying to seduce me in Italiano!! Crazy. I have given it some thought and, while I am missing Malta from my world collection, I think I'll probably pass.
Today, I will swim in Ramla Bay again and hopefully catch up with the chaps from Essex that I met yesterday in the Blue Lagoon. I lured Alex into skinny-dipping with me in Ramla night before last but (typical Scotsman) he wouldn't go under the water. I dove in like the sirena I am! Glorious! It is fun watching my hair go blonde, my skin turn brown, and the soles of my feet black like a street urchin's! I am eating fish again as well! Haha, Gattina is a pesco-vegetariana! I am not looking forward to leaving the place where as Alex says, we've got nothing to do and all day to do it! That said, we've packed every day really. I've seen all the cities, the citadel of Victoria, met a bunch of locals, driven on what we are referring to as 'The Roman road' (Gods that was a mess! At least we have an emergency bottle of wine in the auto!), taken a ferry at 5am while drinking the local brew (Cisk), and wandered markets, marinas, Maltese manors, etc. Yes, my dears, I am feeling the consonantal alliteration vibe today.
As for love and such, Reuben is refusing to speak to me. It's unnecessarily silly but, jeepers, out of my hands. Patrik has proposed to me, tongue in cheek, so I am asked to go back to Switzerland. Poor me- Italia, Switzerland, the UK, the States... how's a girl to decide?!

A Cougar and Other Craziness

"She rolled over onto her side and curled her legs under her. She would not cry. But it was all lost, and she couldn't understand why." - Candace Bushnell

I, fool that I am, asked Reuben to see me today. He declined. When will I learn?! Deniiimm!! I went to lunch today with friends and went for 2 long walks in the park but I can't get sorted. My phone is ringing constantly. How can Gattina be home sipping water at 22.00 on a Saturday night?! Well, lemme tell ya kids, my stomach HURTS from the last several days. A couple nights ago, I ended up in the black sambuca and rolled over to find a gal in my bed. We-ell, what have we here? Darlings, I pulled a cougar! She was also my first English person but Boris insists that she doesn't count in my "world collection" since she's not a man. I think that's rather sexist, don't you? I really don't want to have to sleep with an English guy and since I'm not viewing the UK as one country (why deny myself Ireland and Scotland?!), that doesn't seem fair.
I spent the next day first getting pissed and smoking a spliff at lunch and then out with Boris. You know you're in bad shape when your cousin is fireman carrying you down Clapham High Street to a kebap shop because you are too pissed to walk. We ended up taking an hotel that was seriously nasty. We woke up and I was like, how the fuck did we end up here?! Then I remembered. Oh yeah, by way of The Ship- sweet pub in Wandsworth. Had dinner with some pals that night in Balham and I had not anticipated how much it would grind my insides to be next door to (and inside to visit the cats :)) the place where I knew such happiness with Reuben. I came home early and texted with him on the train which brings us back to the beginning of this post.
My phone is vibrating with messages from friends to get out to the club and hit the coca. I cannot be asked tonight... but I can tomorrow! Hehe. In other news, I am moving to Italia almost immediately when I get back from Malta. I am nervous but I know my Cri will take good care of me and if I hate it, I can always come back here. I have to leave for awhile anyway- I am literally killing myself in this heartbroken state...

Adrift

"'Existentialism... is a philosophy centered on individual existence and personal responsibility for acts of free will in the absence of certain knowledge of what is right and wrong.' She paused. Somehow this seemed to be a perfect summation of her own life right now. She had no idea what was right or wrong, and she was responsible for everything." -Candace Bushnell

I am floating through the days and nights without direction or focus. I have social plans every night and I run, write, read, and cook every day but I am detached. I mortified a date the other night by stating with complete insouciance that I don't think love is in my cards so I am just looking for some distraction, thanks ever so darling. He looked so sad that I almost laughed. Matteo was right, bestia e gattina, leave that wholesome shit for those that are built for it. If I look inside too much, I ask what I could have done differently (still clinging to control, I guess) and I suffer. Did I truly desire that 'happy ever after' that drives romance novels, sappy movies, and teenage angst?! No, it wasn't that pathetic. I wanted something real, something to lay my heart against when I get tired, something meaningful, and something healthy. It's so odd that while Reuben had promised these things, I am instead getting them from my family and friends and, surprisingly, from miei uomini. Full circle.
I know I can be a bon vivant affecting ennui at times but I am unspeakably grateful for my loved ones! The world is full of magic even if I can't quite make it out right now. I am a natural optimist and my senses will return when they have been sufficiently repaired. I am cooking a 'thank you' meal for my caretakers of the last week tonight and it should be lovely. Tomorrow I am out with Boris (and Charlie) again and then dinner with some acquaintances on Friday. RKD wants to see me this weekend but... I think I'm ready for a new country or two (remember the 'Men of the World' competition with Jen?!). Might try a Scottish footballer I know or, geez, I think I'm still missing Sweden and Finland! I wished that Roo would call and catch up with me about Sicilia but, alas, he doesn't seem to recall my number. Maybe some other time...

Going for a Ride

"'No, I don't love you. But you have got under my guard. You have moved and touched me, in a way in which I no longer care to be moved and touched. You are like a nerve I had managed to deaden, and I am annoyed to find it coming to life. I shall do my utmost to kill it off again as soon as possible. After all, I am not in the business of losing my centrality." - Anita Brookner

Back to business, then. Spent a wild weekend with Boris and my good pal, Charlie. Bought some cute stuff at Camden Market yesterday and recovered today. I am in 'Random Kiwi Dude's' flat doing a little post-coital writing. I think of Reuben constantly but I'm sure it will pass. I went to a gallery this afternoon where 'RKD" is thinking of buying some pieces. Felt back in my element. Not happier, just comfortable. Gods, I long for Roo. Please, let me be numb...
I will screw around a bit this week so hopefully you will not have to read my bleeding heart bullshit anymore. Sex, drugs, and all that stuff...

Ebb and Flow

"She then heard them tell her that she had had her last chance. That there was no future for her in that line, whatever she may think. That they wondered how she could hold up her head. That the best thing she could do would be to go away until she had come to her senses and could make decent reparation to society for the outrage she had committed." - Anita Brookner

I am going to Malta in a week. I look forward to the sun and the sea. I am healing in a way already. I am finding again that calm that makes me more of a chap than a chick. I seem to have regained control over the hormonal side effect of emotional incontinence which manifested in hysterical, contradictory e-mails and texts in Reuben's general direction. I honestly feel bad for him, he's gotten my worst, but I am also starting to get a healthy dose of anger. I sat outside with my pal, Helga, for hours night before last discussing the situation. She refuses to hear the word 'Reuben' without the word 'Holy' preceding since apparently I have sainted him with my regard and esteem! :) She says it's not only that I have handled this procedure alone. She helped me see that he's just that way in other situations as well which speaks to his fear and insecurity. When he dumped me, he disappeared to avoid discomfort and left it to me to explain to his flatmates. I dealt with it unsatisfactorily in his eyes, of course. The boy just can't be bothered but also expects consideration. Hmmm... I guess I see two options: I get over him or he grows up. Either way, the prescription is time.
I am applying for work all over the place and I know getting back to a steady job will further center me. In the meantime, I am trying to see to my health. My many 'nurses' insist I take it easy and basically eat all day with no physical activity. In response, I sneak out every day for a run and a walk after in the park followed by Pilates. Take that, Tanto!
Last weekend was MAD! Valentina and I got a little crazy with the sex, drugs, and booze as a diversion from my looming week of pain and sadness. I actually screwed a random kiwi dude Saturday night just for his accent. Sad? Sure but he was really a good shag! He is obviously experienced in the dirtier side of love-arts! Good times, my dears, good times. He held me down while I struggled and cried out. Rough stuff and I still have some good finger and bite marks...
When he reached for me again in the morning, I pulled away and feigned fear. Oh no, he said, I had you that way last night. Today I want something different. Ye gods! I grinned and gave him the wanton slut. He made me breakfast and we laid together in a patch of sun. He held me and let me rave on about my love for Roo and my awful position and then walked me to the tube like a gentleman. What a sweetie! Probably won't bother seeing him again since I am off kiwis (literally, fucking colonials) for now. Think I'll go back to proper European men for a bit and to that end, am hooking up with miei uomini again. Also totally crushing on girls again so let's hear it for some girl on girl action! I can't believe it but I actually have been reticent when it comes to getting out there and catting around. Reuben does not desire or deserve my fealty anymore so come on, rock stars, let's do this thing right...

This Instead

"Doomed for a certain time to walk the earth, she thought, and, brooding but acquiescent, she carried on until she thought it time to be allowed to stop. Then she turned and retraced her steps." -Anita Brookner

I have erased the last few posts for a couple reasons. First, I was not happy sharing the pain of my situation in this way and second, it was very untidy! I am taking a few days for myself and will post again before the end of the week. Do not worry for me, my wonderful friends! Gattina always lands on all four paws...

Marsupials

"The two wretched creatures who alone in the world knew each other and alone were capable of consoling each other, now seemed to be irreconcilable..." - Adolphe

-Gattina flattens her ears to her head in angry helplessness as the Roo turns to bound away on his strong legs. She preens her fur violently and then sighs past the lump in her throat that is pride.-

I did not intend to blog about this. This blog is about adventures and pleasure but I know many of you want to know where I am and what the heck has been happening. Reuben decided he wasn't ready for a relationship. No offense, Princess, just can't deal with being a boyfriend right now. Crap. Bad timing. I had to tell him anyway and I knew the drama (not fun adventure drama but ugly nasty hurtful drama) would be overwhelming. It was. Such accusations! And language! In fairness to him, it was a shock and the WORST timing ever. Since then, he has calmed and started being nice. I told him to go away. Is this what they refer to as 'hormonal'?
So, lovelies, it's decision time. My lifestyle and health do not make me a good candidate at this time but I will consider carefully my options.
Sunday is Mother's Day in the US and NZ. I'm taking my Little Kiwi to a BBQ. Miss you all.

Nackt in den Holzern

"It's never too late to have a happy childhood." - Tom Robbins

-Gattina Goldilocks takes another drink of pinot noir to wash down yet one more cheese sandwich and wonders about the small structure in front of her. Must be where the bears live, she muses. She is sitting in a patch of sonnenschein on a log bench in front of a firepit. The tall, old-growth forest climbs the hills around her. She is silly but peaceful.-
I made a little video with my camera for Reuben to illustrate a typical day on the trails with his cheerfully addle pated sweetheart. I had just passed a sign telling me that where I thought I was going was where I had come from and now faced 4 trail options to move forward. I decided on the "up the hill route" but halfway up, decided to change to the "up the other hill" route. Since I had already gotten lost a few times in the last hour and a half without seeing any other humans anyway, why not? The day was far too beautiful to worry on such trivialities!
I headed up a hill that may have been called "Kiesgruebliweg" (I started taking photos of wooden signs in a Gretl breadcrumb attempt to show forethought) and my glutes almost cried. I smiled as I reminisced about my morning run:
It pissed down cold rain, soaking me to the skin, as I faced my favourite steep, moss-covered, stone stairs carved into a hill. The narrow trail is bordered by electric fences which only gave me more motivation to maintain footing. Hehe, a challenge. I charged over and over and felt the old heat of my marathon oven burning through the booze and the cigarettes and the sloth... Damn, it's good to be alive!
Back to the woods... About 8 or so turns later, I was truly lost! I thought of the young men I had passed wood-cutting some time before but they had looked at the single girl, tripping down the trail singing along with Black Eyed Peas in a way that kinda freaked her out. Ugh. Every Appalachian story I ever heard flashed through my mind when I saw a trail that said it went toward Wettingen but a few minutes in, found it to be just a muddy track up a hill that did give me a chance to take some good photos but stranded me on top of the hill.
I kept telling myself that descent was the best choice as I cut through the trees. Somehow, I found my way down to the "up the hill" route that I had decided against earlier and actually skipped up "Weymouthenweg" to find myself back in Wettingen! Woohoo! I was completely jazzed by my day outdoors and cooked with fervor! Patrik made sure the wine flowed (yeah, detox day, whatever) and I tried absinthe for the first time ever. Holy hell! I thought my throat had actually caught on fire. Damn. I fell into bed early with a text to from my boy to have sweet dreams of him and, lovelies, I did!