All Tied Up

"I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious- your heart, your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour and cease to love it as speedily; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings." - Count Leo Tolstoi

Look, Reuben said, that is a perfectly tied shoe. You will not find a shoe better tied than that. This is one more reason to like me. You must list this on the "pros" list to offset the "cons" side. It may be the coupe de grace, I responded. I kissed him and he left for work. I went upstairs to read but after opening my book, I just sat and thought on the past weekend. I stayed in on Friday and tried to get my mind straight. The problem is, I care very deeply for Matteo and we have an amazing history together. My cousin, Boris, warned me that this crush I have may be a phase in a pattern. I was concerned that after separating from mia bestia this would prove true but the fact is, my life with Matteo is probably not the healthiest thing for me in the future. I want to keep him in my life always though.
Saturday, I went to the Borough Market under London Bridge with Alex. What a cool guy- spent his early life in a branch of British service and guarded the queen as well! He was born in Glasgow and it made me feel a little closer to Reuben to hang with him. I absolutely loved the market. Sipped at mulled wine and bought Italian cheeses, wild mushrooms, baby courgettes, asparagus, and fresh figs. Alex is an accomplished drinker (aren't all Scots?) and by the time I got back to the train, I was pissed. Got home just in time for Valentina to ask me to come back up into the city for our evening together. Great. Tubed it this time. Valentina lives on Abbey Road, the one immortalised by The Beatles. One thing about London, history is absolutely everywhere. We chatted and cooked and drank wine. Called the drug dealer for a little MDMA but he was taking forever so we cancelled. I called Bruno to see if he wanted to chill with us. He said he would come pick me up and take me out for a drink. It was good to see him and spend time together. I still was undecided on whether to join the weekly orgia at Simone's. In the end, I decided to come back to the house alone and I'm actually glad I did. I talked and texted with Reuben and Suz until around 6.00. Exhausted and pissed beyond belief, I finally crashed out. I woke up nervous and hungover. Not a good start to a big day for me. Took myself out for lunch/bloody maries and had a think. Well no time like the present, I told myself. It wasn't so bad actually. I neglected to mention to Matteo that I probably wouldn't be shagging him so that might have something to do with it. I am having dinner with him tomorrow night so I'll try to be braver and get it sorted.
Reuben's flight was delayed but I kept busy by making us a late supper. Ratatouille a la Jacques Derrida. I call it this because it is deconstructed. I made a tower from the ingredients on a bed of lightly dressed lettuces. Pretty good midnight nosh. I cooked in true gattina style: stilettos and a corset! Hehe... I jammed out to Revolting Cocks and waited for my cutie.
He came in and wrapped his hands around my corseted waist. I considered just forgetting dinner but we needed sustenance. After we ate, Reuben shagged me on the kitchen island. I have mentioned before I think that cooking is not all I enjoy doing in the kitchen!
We went upstairs and climbed into bed. We were giddy from seeing each other after an absence so couldn't help starting in on each other again. What haven't I done to you yet? He asked. My mouth was too busy to respond at once but I looked up at him after a moment and said, I don't know. We've done alot. What do you want me to do to you? He asked but didn't wait for my response. He pulled me into my favourite position and pushed into me. It was perfect. We fell asleep wrapped up together and I slept well but woke up early as usual in a state of apprehension. I had something uncomfortable to talk to my sweetie about. I had said that the prospect of sharing my feelings with him had put me into a panic. Before taking that risk, I impulsively scheduled a one way flight to the US that leaves tomorrow. I suppose I could've changed the flight without discussing it with him but what can I say, sometimes I'm quite daft! He was less than pleased but I snuggled into him and offered that I didn't have to leave if he wanted me to stay. He was closed to me for the moment, angry and surprised. He slid his leg between mine and I moved against him until I came. He turned me on my back and started into me. I have not invited you, I said, I don't shag people that are angry with me. He paid no heed however so I added, oh but you will fuck me anyway I see. And that is what he did. Our first angry fuck was intense and delicious! Hehe, probably not nice to enjoy his discomfiture but I couldn't help it, it was hot!
Ask me to stay, I said. I guess you'll do as you damn well please, he said still sore. I was nervous and needed to DO something, I tried explaining. It was before we've been being honest and open. He forgave me enough to talk to me and finally said he was just surprised and to change the flight. We'll be staying together for the next couple weeks so that will give us the chance to shag everywhere else in the house and hopefully sort some future plans.