Gratitude

'The depth and the willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.' - Gordon T. Watts

It has been an interesting week and Gattina finds herself more full of gratitude than usual. This is a lovely thing. I have been very grateful for the support and validation I am getting as a writer and I never take my readers or my mentors for granted. Thanks guys! :) I also received an unexpected act of kindness from Krishna in the form of a rescue. Let me explain:
My ex, BH, decided quite suddenly that I am a bad person and ranted at me and unceremoniously dumped me off at my brother's. I was terribly upset and phoned Krishna. He picked me up and let me cry it out at his, cuddled up with the dawg. I fell asleep from crying with my ipod in my ears, my book open, and the dawg spooned into me. Krishna closed my book, charged my ipod, and woke me up a couple hours later with the gift of a little holiday on Zog. He was considerate and sweet. The next day, we sexed and snuggled and chatted. What will you blog about if we're getting along so well? He puzzled. Oh don't worry, there's still plenty of drama...
Before BH decided I was horrid (for putting the screws to someone in return for a favour- not the nicest thing I've ever done, I suppose), we spent a little holiday time on Zog ourselves. He decided he wanted me to punch him in the chest for a bit of a thrill. Are you sure? I was skeptical. I am petite but strong and martial arts trained. He has a well-developed upper body though soooo...
The verdict two days later was that I broke two of his ribs. Whoa!!!!! I was in shock! My superhero powers seem to be getting out of control so I am spending a few days being intellectual and focusing on my novel and upcoming road trip to Cleveland. I won the trip in a pool game last night. That and an iphone. I didn't win every match however so it looks like I am spending my evening in a stripjoint. Dio mio. I am getting too old for this stuff. Really? No. :)

Messy, Messy...

'In other words, nobody had the vaguest idea what would happen here, except that some people were going to get hurt...' -Hunter S. Thompson

Another day, another drama. So Krishna reached out to me, awkward with intimacy as ever, by letting me take the dawg for the day and night. When he came home the next morning, I was wrapped happily round the sleeping boxer and didn't mind at all when Krishna took his place. I could get you back in bed with me in a second, he said. Big fucking accomplishment, I thought, if you want to impress me, talk me into bed with someone I DON'T spend most of my time lusting after. So we shagged a couple of times. Oops. We snuggled after (the boy's got mad snuggle skills) and he rushed to say that this didn't change anything, we were still broken up. I tried to stifle a giggle. Do you think I would start seeing you again? I chortled. Men are like emotionally retarded chicks.

The next day he rang to make sure I understood that there would be no more of that nonsense- we are back to being MATES! Bene, grazie. This phone call came on the heels of my cousin telling me he believes I am a crack addicted prostitute and doesn't want me around his child. Cracking day. No pun intended.

So what now? Drugs? Sure. Sex? Oh, yeah. Writing? Constantly. The only query left is which continent to do it on. I am still definitely feeling Australia however, my ex is buying a big sailboat and has offered me a crew spot for as long as I like. Apparently circumnavigating the globe takes about 2 years. My cousin said I'd probably get into trouble out there and end up in a foreign prison. Like I haven't done that before! xxHMPxx :)

Honey, You Ain't the First

'And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.' - William Shakespeare

Commitment-phobe? Me?! Go on! Yes, I went into my relationship with Kirshna with the experiential knowledge that we had a finite time together as a couple. I know my patterns so well by now that I am even getting more efficient with the time frame. It used to take me 6 months to a year to go through a cycle that now takes roughly 2 months. Yay me.
Krishna is alot like me in that we reach a certain threshold of intimacy and then end it. We usually choose different ways to end it so I was curious to see which path would dominate. Mine by a landslide. Can I get like, a medal or summat? I am being flippant but it still hurts, you know. I like Krishna. I have liked him for years. However, the boy is hard work and as he belittled me and raised his hand to me yet again yesterday... and kept calling me by his ex-wife's name, I was aware that no amount of giving or passion or sweetness on my part would give us longevity. It was too little too late when he held me in his arms later and told me he's never liked anyone as much as he likes me. Apparently he wouldn't shout at me and treat me poorly if I wasn't so important. Gee thanks.
It's not been all bad though. I have enjoyed some good times with him and some wonderful sex and rare sweet moments when we could let ourselves be vulnerable at the same time. I think he will be a bit nasty through the breakup process but, darlings, I'm sure I've had worse. :) I do not know exactly what will happen next but I very much hope we stay mates. He's a kindred and we commitmentphobic whores have got to have each others' backs, innit. Well, time to go drown my sorrows in booze, Guns n Roses, and vampire fiction. Yummmm...

Americana

'If you are what you eat, I'm fast, easy, and cheap.' - Anonymous

The Fourth of July weekend was a lovely experience. Krishna's old college roommate came out from Colorado with his wife and what followed was a family picnic, competetive baci (yes, they won with the tricky Falling Waters and Falling Into the Waters techniques), and a sunset lake ride to fireworks. Romantic and perfect.
After the Fourth, Krishna and I Zogged for a couple days, we ravished my girl mate, Becks, he threw me into a door in temper when I was creepy drunk, we live together, he throws me out, we live together, he throws me out, my relationship with the dawg has progressed exponentially, Michael Jackson had a funeral, and now I am running away to write for a few days.
Everyone says that all the red flags in this relationship spell trouble and ask 'If it wasn't HIM, would you tolerate this?' But, babes... it IS him and I have wanted that man for my own for years and now that I've got him, I want to keep him a while. Sue me.
Now, I'm off to hide from my bully boyfriend and ride out the after effects of the pill I took last night and try not to take the easy road of escaping to LA for a party weekend with Boris. I'll do my best...