Lying in my Cage (Bound and Abandoned)

"If suffer we must, let's suffer on the heights." -Victor Hugo

Every few nights, I walk alone in the woods and weep for at least an hour and mourn. I mourn for the loss of Reuben, the loss of our baby, and the loss of my sanity. I weep across the ocean to my brother and I weep across time to my own, lost self.
I smile and laugh the rest of the time. I sleep with whoever/whenever and do any/every drug at hand while getting pissed off my face as well. I try not to contact Reuben but fail at times and his harsh responses only fuel my self-destruction. The funny thing is that while lost in this horrid fog, I have had three marriage proposals. What about this pathetic state makes me attractive and 'mate material'?
In other more fun news, I had the best cyber-sex ever with a guy I met for about 5 minutes in Tunbridge Wells which resulted in an orgasm that twitched and tingled me even more than my daily DT's! Fantastic! Gods, I needed that!
The average bet on my mortality is 32 years old but surely my friends (as usual) overestimate me so we'll see. My shy artist is going through a bad time so I hope to go down to the country and commiserate with him this coming weekend. Murad calls me daily and I hope to see him this week. Texted one of Roo's friends, Scotty, yesterday to see if he would get together for a chat about Roo but he didn't respond. Ok, so I get guy code (see Albania) but he didn't have such a problem when he was feeling up my ass and kissing my face gently when Reuben was out of town! When did boys become the fickle, secretive ones?!
I am thinking on the proposals to me and certainly I could use looking after. I've always feared commitment (especially marriage), but can anyone put Gattina in a cage that is more restricting than the one she has built for herself?